Online Dating at 36 - The Good, the Bad, & WTH?

I honestly, completely, and truly thought my post about my date with M would be my last date-related and/or drama-filled blog post of 2012.  I thought my dating life had finally settled down a little from the stress of "was it just a ONS" and "dear menstrual cycle, please return," now focusing on a nice guy who I feel a bit ambivalent about and the very beginnings of emails with one that holds more appeal, which may or may not go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. I was in my living room, rehearsing choreography for a class I'm co-teaching tomorrow, and generally ignoring my cell phone.  My Words With Friends and Hanging With Friends games can wait until I'm done learning these songs, or that was my thought on the matter.  Then, over the music, I heard a sound I hadn't heard in several weeks. I apparently had not removed J3's personalized text message tone.  And it was sounding. Yes, J3, the 28 year old ... kid ... who got into my bed and then was p...

When I went on Match to reply to J5's email, I also went through my Daily Matches.  Those 9 profiles have led me to post this very brief PSA. 1. If you come from a family of many kids, and your brothers are significantly more attractive than you are, don't post pictures of you with them.  It is especially advised that you not make one of those pictures your primary profile picture.  Crop it.  (I wonder if that poor guy gets emails asking if his brothers are single.) 2. If your profile reads like a 3rd grade book report, learn to write a compound sentence.  "I am a good guy.  I am a loving father.  I like sports and camping.  My boys and I like to play baseball."  I'm not making this sh!t up, I actually read a profile that was just like that.  And, he supposedly holds a Bachelor's Degree from a local and respected university. 3. If you list "Atlas Shrugged" and other books by Ayn Rand in your "Last Read" section, leaving your "Pol...

It is always auspicious when one of the first things your date says to you is, "Thank you for looking like your pictures on Match." It turns out that the last time he was on Match -- more on that in a moment -- he met several people who were just not like their profiles.  The joys of internet dating!  I told him I was one of those silly people who still believed in honesty, especially in something like this, where you are ultimately going to meet face-to-face.  Comparing silly Match profiles was a good ice breaker on what was a date that has left me at a loss for accurate adjectives. It wasn't sensational, OMGthiswasthebestdateEVER.  It wasn't horrible, OMGgetmethehelloutofhereNOW. It was two hours of good conversation, a lot of laughs, a lot of similar opinions and good discussion.  We found common ground in politics (always a good sign) and the surprising fact that we were both PK's -- pastor's kids -- from conservative backgrounds, no less.  It was a...

That day has arrived, the day that my blog URL is technically no longer accurate.  Today is my natal anniversary, or as we more commonly call it, my birthday.  I'm now 37 and dating. Pass the Geritol. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot to report.  My two texting buds have been very quiet.  I still haven't heard from J2, and that's fine with me.  I'm a bit surprised I haven't heard from D, but this has happened more than once before.  I'm cynical -- and perhaps savvy -- enough to be suspicious of someone who texts but never pushes for meeting.  Let's face it, there's no step on Match to prove that you are actually single before setting up a profile.  "Currently separated" is even a marital status option.  It's the Internet, where there's nothing to prevent you from being someone you aren't, be that single or married.  All that to say, I wouldn't be surprised if D turned out to already have a girlfriend or some other...

Christmas was surprisingly busy on Match, at least for me.  Ho ho ho! It started with a wink from a new bachelor, which, like many other winks, has and will continue to go unanswered.  It isn't because he's creepy or unattractive, he just doesn't appeal to me for some unknown reason.  That's part of the dating scene that can't be logically explained, no matter how hard I try. Then came a notification that one of my pictures was "liked" by a guy.  I didn't recognize the screen name, so I went to his profile.  Turns out he was one I had checked out before, and I think even marked as "interested in."  I'd gone so far as to wink at him.  But, that was over a month ago and around the same time I started seeing J3. Taking the advice of Match, I dropped him a quick email saying "thanks for liking my picture" and that I hoped he'd had a good Christmas.  I was rather surprised when he responded, and all evening we emailed back ...

Well, fellow friends & readers, whoever and wherever you are, this is my 100th post on this blog.  And hold on to your seats, because it's a doozie! But before I go any further, Merry Christmas! Potential titles for the post included "One if By Land..." and "My 37th Birthday Gift From My Body."  The last week since I posted has been busy and very stressful, and it isn't simply because I'm a musician and a church worship director and it's Christmas.  Let us begin by wrapping up loose ends, shall we? J3.  The infamous aggressive yet shy kid who made me, briefly, a cougar.  After a week of decreasing messages, finally total silence.  I did indeed send one last text, a sort of "hey, if you're moving on that's fine, but just let me know" kind of thing.  No reply.  Again, sound familiar?  (If not, go re-read the posts about the end of my "relationship" with P.)  Yet, J3 lived on in a stressful way for another week.  We...

In the three and a half weeks since I've been "dating" J3 -- if this past week with the intermittent-to-none conversations counts as "dating" -- my Match account has been pretty quiet.  I've gotten a couple of winks and a few emails, all of which either got the "no thank you" replies or they just didn't go anywhere.  Other than to review those profiles and send the "no thank you" replies, I haven't really been out on the site.  I haven't been going through my Daily Matches or anything in the past 10+ days. Today that has certainly changed.  My phone has been practically exploding with texts from Match about winks and emails.  Is the universe trying to tell me something?  The day that I finally "go public" with my internal dialogue over what has become of my "relationship" with J3, my Match inbox goes nuts. On a side note, I have yet to text J3.  I figure I'll give him another 24-48 hours.  But back ...

If there is one thing I love to do, it is admit I made a mistake, especially if it is a mistake I've made before.  Isn't that the definition of insanity, to repeatedly do something expecting a different outcome?  Then again, that makes all who date insane, for we are constantly meeting people and going on dates expecting one encounter to be different and ultimately better than the others. We come to the update on J3.  I last blogged about our third date, the one that ended up in my bed.  In the days that followed, the text conversations started off promising.  In a nutshell, "Reader's Digest" compilation, they started: Me: So do you have time next weekend...? J3: Yeah, probably. Me: Well, I'm sure we'll talk this week. J3: Yeah, definitely.  (Note: that is word-for-word.) They continued during the week, discussing overall inane things.  Thursday he told me his weekend was pretty busy but that he might have time on Sunday evening.  I told ...

I know of at least one friend who will not be happy to learn that I allowed someone into my home whose last name I didn't know, especially after she asked me if I'd run background checks on these guys from Match and I told her, "Oh, yes, of course."  Not.  And now, as we know, I've allowed him not only into my home, but into my bed, still without knowing his last name.  Last night, during one of our conversations, I even made a reference to that, that here he was in my bed and I didn't know his last name. Once again, I remind myself that men don't usually pick up on subtle hints. However, we have this fantastic thing called the internet.  Armed with his first name and knowing he's a content provider for the website of a major KC sports team, I plugged those words into Google.  The second thing that popped up was his most recent blog, complete with his last name there in the author's byline. Success! But of course, that wasn't quite enou...

Ah, yes, time to reflect upon another date with J3.  As is often the case, I'm writing this post while reclining in my bed, a cat next to me demanding my attention. Just an hour or so ago, I wasn't alone in my bed.  And I'm not referring to a cat. So now that you have an idea how the third date ultimately ended, let's get into the reflections, shall we?  I have said before that J3 is a bit socially awkward.  He still is.  I can't tell if he's just shy, or if there's something else going on.  Either way, after a week of less-than-scintillating communication, yesterday evening we finally set up plans.  We agreed on "tomorrow night" (tonight).  I then asked, "what, when, and where?" His reply was, "Your place, whenever tomorrow night works for me." Yep, he just invited himself over to my place.  In some ways, I was surprised; in others, not so much.  I've often been told that my home is very cozy and inviting, and I...

It seems the universe, or whomever God has put in charge of my love life, thinks I need more drama.  Just when I thought the bachelors were winnowing themselves out and one was clearly taking the lead, drama. I am not the most assertive person when it comes to early-stage dating.  I will enthusiastically follow the lead of my partner, but when it comes to initiating I tend to be tentative.  So this morning, I went out on a limb (for me) and texted J3 asking if I would get to see him again. About a half hour later, I got a response.  "Yeah, when are you free?"  That's a typical J3 text; remember, he is not an expressive texter.  I've already learned how to "read between the lines" if you will.  I got that just as I was beginning to teach a class, so it wasn't until after the class when I could reply.  Knowing he won't reply to texts at work (generally), I wasn't expecting a text until later this evening. A few minutes after 6:30, as I was dr...

Kiss ~ verb: 1. to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound  in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. 2. to join lips with in this way 3. to touch gently or lightly 4. to put, bring, take, etc., by, or as if by, kissing 5. to make slight contact with or brush (i.e., billiards) ~ verb without object 6. to join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etc. 7. to express a thought, feeling, etc., by a contact of the lips 8. to purse and then part the lips, emitting a smacking sound, as in kissing someone 9. to carom gently off or touch another (i.e., billiards) And the list goes on when you get into the noun definitions.  (These all came from my Dictionary.com app.) Famed psychologist Sigmund Freud's definition is more graphic, being something about the pressing together of mucus membranes.  But no matter how you define what a kiss is, what cannot be defined is how peopl...

B.U.I.: Blogging under the influence.  Okay, I've just had half a bottle of wine, most of which came after dinner.  Then again, I ate fairly lightly at dinner, and dinner was preceded by a pretty strong whiskey sour.  Still, I'm finding merlot a lovely avenue for interesting reflection, although it may impair eloquent and insightful -- or at least, deep -- thoughts on dating. Wait.  Deep thoughts on dating?  From this blog?  That's like thinking people watch soap operas for the fantastic acting and believable plot lines. So tonight was dinner-and-a-movie old style with J3.  I cooked, he came over bringing a bottle of wine and a Redbox DVD selection.  I made chicken marsala and spinach stuffed shells.  He brought a good merlot and "The Raven." Tangent 1: I don't know why my apartment is so hard to find.  He called twice after pulling into the parking lot to be able to find me.  There are 8 apartments in my building.  And, ...

I'm supposed to be on a date right now.  That's right, I'm supposed to be "wining and dining" with a 35 year old financial planner of Greek descent, one who was recently promoted at work and drives a BMW. Instead, I'm sitting on my couch with a large white cat next to me, blogging to the sounds of my washer and dryer and digesting the dinner I just made. A week and a half ago, the Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving to be exact, we set up this date.  After sending back and forth dozens of text messages, he said, "I need to see you soon."  We compared schedules and set aside tonight for a date.  I asked him what we would do, and he said, "Wining and dining :-)."  Since then, we texted daily... until 3 days ago. Wednesday morning, I got my usual good morning text from him, to which I replied.  On my lunch break, I texted him saying, "Have you decided where we're going on Saturday?" to which I got no reply.  Thursday I sent ano...

Say it with me now.  You know what happens when you assume!  You make an ASS out of U and ME! Well, I really haven't been made an ass of, at least not yet.  But in the 6 or so hours since my last post, the men in my current chaotic dating life have decided to prove me wrong. Leading the pack to prove me wrong is J2.  I'd had just said I hadn't heard from him since Sunday and I made these assumptions that my going on a date with another man turned him off.  Wrong!  As I was waiting for my pedicure to dry, he texted.  We ended up texting back and forth for almost 2 hours, and I'm sure if I were to reply to his latest text we could add another hour or two to that total.  Most of it has been basically innocent chatting.  We did talk about setting up a tentative date for next Saturday, but I was also upfront with him about J3, which led to a good conversation about the whole seeing multiple guys thing and we never went back to talking about ne...

Well, I suppose it is time for another update, not that there's much to update.  But first, a word from our sponsor! Ok, that comes from Dating Fail (.com), and it is how I feel right now about J3, who is number.. I can't remember.  15?  The one who chatted me up on IM a week and a half ago, who I went on a date with on Sunday, who is coming to my house for dinner on this coming Sunday... that one.  If I text, he responds, gotta give him that, but since the post-date conversation, he hasn't initiated.  Then again, why should he if I'm always doing the initiating?  So yesterday, in spite of my wanting to, I didn't text him or message him.  And knowing me, I'll probably end up trying to chat with him tonight. Meanwhile, we have our D, who I'm supposed to go on a date with tomorrow night.  I haven't heard from him since Wednesday morning, when I got a "Morning" text followed by a "kiss."  Since then I've texted twice, both tryi...

Right now my head is spinning because I completely didn't see the last 15 minutes prior to my writing this post coming.  I was all set to blog about tonight's date, my foray into being a cougar, when J3 texted and gave me whiplash. I'm still trying to figure out J3.  It wasn't that the date was bad, and it wasn't that it was amazing.  In striving for something a little off the normal first date list, we decided to meet up at Dave and Busters.  Maybe that wasn't the best decision after all. Problem #1 is that on a Sunday night, the only restaurant seating was basically in the bar area, surrounded by roughly a gazillion TVs, all set to sports channels.  J3 is a big sports fan. Dinner was fine, the conversation average.  He did warn me that he often starts off shy or reserved, and it wasn't that there were awkward lulls or missteps by either of us.  Safe, I suppose, is the best word to describe it.  I did get an ego boost when we were both card...

Some of you who read this blog are probably too young to have ever had a romance blossom over AIM, AOL's IM program.  12 or 13 years ago, not only did I have a romance blossom over AIM, but it was also a way to find, shall we say, short-term friends.  Since then, between taking myself off the market and advances in technology, IM is definitely "old school." The fact that Match has an IM function is cute in its own regard.  The fact that I spent time IMing (again) with #15, J3, is what has brought on the flashbacks, although I'm a very different person now than I was then. Here is how today transpired.  It's practically a script for a bad RomCom in the making. Scene 1: Girl replies to Boy on Match email.  In said email, she gives Boy her number.  Giggle giggle.  Shortly thereafter, Boy sends Girl a text message.  They agree to "talk later."  Then, for some reason, Girl decides to change the passcode on her phone. Scene 2: Girl is clean...

This has been updated since its original posting. Someday, that will be the epitaph on my tombstone, but in past tense, obviously. Before we get to tonight's dumb decision, a little back-story. Yesterday at the family Thanksgiving dinner, I only had seconds on two things.  Really, I was quite proud of myself for being able to control my love of side dishes and starches.  I had seconds on stuffing and after-dinner coffee.  One of those two I regret, and it isn't the stuffing.  In spite of my sleepy meds, I was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at midnight.  Not good when the alarm is going off a little after 7. Today I was scheduled to teach 3 group exercise classes at 2 different locations within 5 hours.  That can be challenging even without the post-turkey sluggishness, exacerbated by being up too late thanks to potent coffee.  I wasn't too upset when my third class ended up not happening because no one came, but still, two classes was enoug...

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!  I know, I know, it has been a long time since I've blogged, and some of you have let me know about it.  The past couple of weeks I've started a few drafts, but there hasn't been much interesting to report.  The last 24-36 hours have changed that, though! When we last chatted, I had two gentlemen that I was communicating with.  We have #13, D, and #14, J.  D is the financial planner of Mediterranean descent.  We had shifted from Match to texting, and we were texting daily.  Pretty much every morning like clockwork I'd get some sort of "Good Morning" text from him -- usually with the moniker of "Sunshine" -- and we might exchange a text or two during the day and if we didn't have a conversation, we at least said "good night" when the day drew to a close. You've probably noticed the usage of past tense in that paragraph.  Well, until 24 hours ago, he would've been past tense. See, the texting ...

It has been an interesting few days; I just haven't had time to blog.  It's not that suddenly I have a new man on the line that I'm seriously twitterpated over, or that there's been overt drama.  Really, there's been both but neither to any extreme. Let's start with the drama.  Remember our lovely J, who started coming on way too strong and who I had to friendzone?  I made the offer to still be friends, and more importantly to give him advice and guidance when it came to dating, should he want a female perspective.  Honestly, I never expected to really hear from him again. *bzzzzzzzz* Wrong! Monday I got a long text message from him.  He wanted some advice and such, and was I available to talk on the phone that night?  I agreed, but I made it clear I was limiting him to one hour -- no epic 3 or 4 hour phone calls.  He promised he'd only take 15-20 minutes of my time. I continue to know him better than he knows himself.  He took t...

First off, something unrelated to this blog, really.  While I'll be one of the first to agree that restaurant portion sizes in the US have gotten out of hand and have helped contribute to the obesity epidemic, at the same time when I dine at a restaurant with a nouvelle menu heavy on pricey seafood and micro greens, I don't want to leave my plate clean -- and my stomach still hungry. Tonight's dinner was with #9, K, the analytical chemist.  This is the one who would leave his phone in his truck for days on end, being out of touch, and then send me an epic long text message.  He's 45 and never been married, and he comes from a very large Mennonite family (he left the Mennonite Church years ago, though). In honesty, he was less attractive in person than his profile picture -- and his profile picture wasn't that attractive.  I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and I do know for myself personality and intelligence is as attractive to me as appearances.  Ho...

On Match, both parties don't have to meet each other's criterion in order to be listed as a "match."  While the cons to this are obvious, the pros are that you might meet someone you normally wouldn't have considered due to one little thing (for example, age, as in the case of me and P whose age was outside my criteria), and that you can also be exposed to some truly epic profiles.   Tonight, I came across two profiles that have left me speechless.  The first is a gentleman who has both "favorited" me and winked at me.  He is outside my own list of criteria because of his location -- he's several hundred miles away.  Still, this profile is truly, truly epic.  (And yes, I do have African/American as an acceptable race/ethnicity for my match.)   Note: I have not edited these profiles in ANY WAY.  They are literally copied and pasted from Match! Profile #1 I'm a 42 year old brother who work, educated and has no kids. If it sounds like I'm...