Online Dating at 36 - The Good, the Bad, & WTH?

Say it with me now.  You know what happens when you assume!  You make an ASS out of U and ME! Well, I really haven't been made an ass of, at least not yet.  But in the 6 or so hours since my last post, the men in my current chaotic dating life have decided to prove me wrong. Leading the pack to prove me wrong is J2.  I'd had just said I hadn't heard from him since Sunday and I made these assumptions that my going on a date with another man turned him off.  Wrong!  As I was waiting for my pedicure to dry, he texted.  We ended up texting back and forth for almost 2 hours, and I'm sure if I were to reply to his latest text we could add another hour or two to that total.  Most of it has been basically innocent chatting.  We did talk about setting up a tentative date for next Saturday, but I was also upfront with him about J3, which led to a good conversation about the whole seeing multiple guys thing and we never went back to talking about ne...

Well, I suppose it is time for another update, not that there's much to update.  But first, a word from our sponsor! Ok, that comes from Dating Fail (.com), and it is how I feel right now about J3, who is number.. I can't remember.  15?  The one who chatted me up on IM a week and a half ago, who I went on a date with on Sunday, who is coming to my house for dinner on this coming Sunday... that one.  If I text, he responds, gotta give him that, but since the post-date conversation, he hasn't initiated.  Then again, why should he if I'm always doing the initiating?  So yesterday, in spite of my wanting to, I didn't text him or message him.  And knowing me, I'll probably end up trying to chat with him tonight. Meanwhile, we have our D, who I'm supposed to go on a date with tomorrow night.  I haven't heard from him since Wednesday morning, when I got a "Morning" text followed by a "kiss."  Since then I've texted twice, both tryi...

Right now my head is spinning because I completely didn't see the last 15 minutes prior to my writing this post coming.  I was all set to blog about tonight's date, my foray into being a cougar, when J3 texted and gave me whiplash. I'm still trying to figure out J3.  It wasn't that the date was bad, and it wasn't that it was amazing.  In striving for something a little off the normal first date list, we decided to meet up at Dave and Busters.  Maybe that wasn't the best decision after all. Problem #1 is that on a Sunday night, the only restaurant seating was basically in the bar area, surrounded by roughly a gazillion TVs, all set to sports channels.  J3 is a big sports fan. Dinner was fine, the conversation average.  He did warn me that he often starts off shy or reserved, and it wasn't that there were awkward lulls or missteps by either of us.  Safe, I suppose, is the best word to describe it.  I did get an ego boost when we were both card...

Some of you who read this blog are probably too young to have ever had a romance blossom over AIM, AOL's IM program.  12 or 13 years ago, not only did I have a romance blossom over AIM, but it was also a way to find, shall we say, short-term friends.  Since then, between taking myself off the market and advances in technology, IM is definitely "old school." The fact that Match has an IM function is cute in its own regard.  The fact that I spent time IMing (again) with #15, J3, is what has brought on the flashbacks, although I'm a very different person now than I was then. Here is how today transpired.  It's practically a script for a bad RomCom in the making. Scene 1: Girl replies to Boy on Match email.  In said email, she gives Boy her number.  Giggle giggle.  Shortly thereafter, Boy sends Girl a text message.  They agree to "talk later."  Then, for some reason, Girl decides to change the passcode on her phone. Scene 2: Girl is clean...

This has been updated since its original posting. Someday, that will be the epitaph on my tombstone, but in past tense, obviously. Before we get to tonight's dumb decision, a little back-story. Yesterday at the family Thanksgiving dinner, I only had seconds on two things.  Really, I was quite proud of myself for being able to control my love of side dishes and starches.  I had seconds on stuffing and after-dinner coffee.  One of those two I regret, and it isn't the stuffing.  In spite of my sleepy meds, I was still bright-eyed and bushy-tailed at midnight.  Not good when the alarm is going off a little after 7. Today I was scheduled to teach 3 group exercise classes at 2 different locations within 5 hours.  That can be challenging even without the post-turkey sluggishness, exacerbated by being up too late thanks to potent coffee.  I wasn't too upset when my third class ended up not happening because no one came, but still, two classes was enoug...

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends!  I know, I know, it has been a long time since I've blogged, and some of you have let me know about it.  The past couple of weeks I've started a few drafts, but there hasn't been much interesting to report.  The last 24-36 hours have changed that, though! When we last chatted, I had two gentlemen that I was communicating with.  We have #13, D, and #14, J.  D is the financial planner of Mediterranean descent.  We had shifted from Match to texting, and we were texting daily.  Pretty much every morning like clockwork I'd get some sort of "Good Morning" text from him -- usually with the moniker of "Sunshine" -- and we might exchange a text or two during the day and if we didn't have a conversation, we at least said "good night" when the day drew to a close. You've probably noticed the usage of past tense in that paragraph.  Well, until 24 hours ago, he would've been past tense. See, the texting ...

It has been an interesting few days; I just haven't had time to blog.  It's not that suddenly I have a new man on the line that I'm seriously twitterpated over, or that there's been overt drama.  Really, there's been both but neither to any extreme. Let's start with the drama.  Remember our lovely J, who started coming on way too strong and who I had to friendzone?  I made the offer to still be friends, and more importantly to give him advice and guidance when it came to dating, should he want a female perspective.  Honestly, I never expected to really hear from him again. *bzzzzzzzz* Wrong! Monday I got a long text message from him.  He wanted some advice and such, and was I available to talk on the phone that night?  I agreed, but I made it clear I was limiting him to one hour -- no epic 3 or 4 hour phone calls.  He promised he'd only take 15-20 minutes of my time. I continue to know him better than he knows himself.  He took t...

First off, something unrelated to this blog, really.  While I'll be one of the first to agree that restaurant portion sizes in the US have gotten out of hand and have helped contribute to the obesity epidemic, at the same time when I dine at a restaurant with a nouvelle menu heavy on pricey seafood and micro greens, I don't want to leave my plate clean -- and my stomach still hungry. Tonight's dinner was with #9, K, the analytical chemist.  This is the one who would leave his phone in his truck for days on end, being out of touch, and then send me an epic long text message.  He's 45 and never been married, and he comes from a very large Mennonite family (he left the Mennonite Church years ago, though). In honesty, he was less attractive in person than his profile picture -- and his profile picture wasn't that attractive.  I was giving him the benefit of the doubt and I do know for myself personality and intelligence is as attractive to me as appearances.  Ho...

On Match, both parties don't have to meet each other's criterion in order to be listed as a "match."  While the cons to this are obvious, the pros are that you might meet someone you normally wouldn't have considered due to one little thing (for example, age, as in the case of me and P whose age was outside my criteria), and that you can also be exposed to some truly epic profiles.   Tonight, I came across two profiles that have left me speechless.  The first is a gentleman who has both "favorited" me and winked at me.  He is outside my own list of criteria because of his location -- he's several hundred miles away.  Still, this profile is truly, truly epic.  (And yes, I do have African/American as an acceptable race/ethnicity for my match.)   Note: I have not edited these profiles in ANY WAY.  They are literally copied and pasted from Match! Profile #1 I'm a 42 year old brother who work, educated and has no kids. If it sounds like I'm...

This has been updated since its original posting. Well, that was awkward.  And not my greatest display of sensitive tact, either. Backing up for a minute, J's been angling for most of a week now to get an invite to my house.  When I basically rescinded that invite and asked to go to Panera instead, I thought  I had told him I just wasn't quite ready to have him at my house yet, but apparently that line was in one of the drafts that didn't get sent.  So this evening he brought with him some DVDs to theoretically watch at my house after dinner, along with a couple bottles of wine. Can't say he isn't an optimist. I arrived at Panera early -- intentionally.  I foresaw awkward greetings should he arrive before me, expectations of a hello kiss or other form of PDA dancing in his brain, so I decided to head that off at the pass by arriving well before him.  It also gave me a chance to have a cup of coffee and catch up on grading papers in a quiet envi...

Friendzone (n): that area that women put men that they just want to be friends with. Friendzoning, Friendzoned (v, v p.t.): the act of being put into the friendzone. Tonight, in about 4 hours give or take, I will be friendzoning J.  For over two days I have been carefully backing away.  He hasn't quite gotten the message -- or, since I have yet to hear from him today, maybe he has an idea of what is coming.  I've told him that I want to "slow things down."  Well, tonight, after a great deal of thought and conversations with trusted yentas, I'm putting the brakes on it completely. The bottom line is that I am not attracted to him.  Physically or in chemistry.  We are so different, we are very incompatible.  We are a living example of an analogy I often use to try to explain chemistry: Create a list of your ideal mate's characteristics.  Include physical appearance, intelligence, personality, everything.  Make it as long as you need. ...

After the difficult email of last night, I've been anxious for J's reply.  Anxious in that stressed out, I-hope-he-isn't-pissed-I-did-that-via-email kind of way.  I knew last night as I was headed to bed that he hadn't yet read it, because when he got off work he texted me all chipper.  I just wanted to sleep, and told him that, nicely.  He asked about the pictures he'd sent.  I gave him a non-committal answer. See, yesterday morning he decided to enthusiastically jump into the sending of racy pics thing full tilt boogie.  4 pictures later, and all I was doing was sighing.  Not a "wow" or lust-filled kind of sigh, but the sigh of resignation tinged with annoyance.  He kept asking all day what I thought of them.  All day.  I kept putting off having to answer. I've been very, very careful in the words I choose to say to him about his physical appearance.  I know what he thinks of me in part: "cute face, hot butt" an...

Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut, your instincts.  Sometimes, you have to write a very difficult email or have that difficult phone conversation.  And every time, it stinks at some level. Ever since last night's phone conversation, and probably even before then if I were to be truly honest with myself, I've been wary of having J at my home.  It's just too soon, too fast.  Although I can be so outgoing and direct, parts of my life are extremely private.  My home is the most private sanctum I have, and I guard it carefully.  J's been dropping hints and even outright asking since Monday, a mere 2 days after we actually met, to come to my home. Too soon. I understand the practicality of it, why his house isn't an option, really.  I understand he wants a quiet place to be able to talk and such.  But understanding doesn't make me any more comfortable in my gut.  So after a late lunch and some text therapy with my friend M, I sent ...

I have started two different blog posts, trying to both share and sort through the developments with J, and both remain drafts because before I can revise and publish them, more developments happen.  What it comes down to is the more I talk and text with J, the more convinced I am that I may be dealing with a "tar baby" situation. Having introduced him to sexting, I have unleashed a bit of a monster.  A very eager to please monster.  While he has a lot to learn when it comes to that, he's also been a good student.  However, as his education develops the more I realize what a sheltered life he's led compared to me. I grew up the daughter of a conservative Baptist minister who didn't allow me to ever believe in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny, dress up for Halloween until I was in the 3rd or 4th grade (and only because Dad relented to the societal pressures, basically), or get my ears pierced.  J's life has been more sheltered than that.  How's that for ...