Online Dating at 36 - The Good, the Bad, & WTH?

I don't even know where to begin. After a couple days of really good texting, which may have been a bit too heavy on the R and X rated content for me, I agreed to meet Bachelor #3 tonight in advance of our official first date on Friday. We met up at a local major bookstore. Mistake number 1: When I saw him, my heart actually sank. The resemblance to his pictures is there, but the pictures he has up on Match are optimally flattering. Clothing disguises the extra pounds, stuff like that, which really you can't blame him for because we all do that. I should've have figured out how to make a graceful exit out, but he started in with the self-deprecating humor (something I am quite fluent in) and I'm just too damn nice. Mistake number 2: I agreed to go to see his house. Hey, he's a homeowner, and in a nice neighborhood. Attraction can develop, right? There's a personality connection, right? The house is fine; he's doing some work on it so he can put it on t...

Bachelor #3 and I have been exchanging more text messages and spending more time on the phone than two people probably should. But, each text and every conversation helps us get to know each other that much better in preparation for Friday night's date. For those who really know me, the fact that I even talked to him on the phone before meeting him is a big indicator of the connection level. If you don't really know me, just know this: I hate talking on the phone, even with most people I know. My parents are the main exception. For the first time, I'm beginning to understand how someone could fall for another person long-distance. You hear those stories about someone, or maybe you even know someone, who met somebody great online and they chatted and messaged and emailed and talked on the phone for months and then suddenly they pick up and move to be with that person and Disney characters come out and the sun shines and we have world peace. I never got how that could pos...

The past 24 hours, give or take, have been quite the whirlwind. Out of respect for the dozens of victims of the recent tornadoes in the south, I'm not going to use that kind of imagery, but you get the point. Let us give a nice, warm blog welcome to Bachelor #3! As of the last posting, Bachelor #3 and I were emailing after he popped up a chat window with me. The last email I had sent prior to blogging said I worked for a church, a phrase that seemed to make his disappear the first time around. I really didn't know if I would get a reply. Silly rabbit. I got a reply. And the emails kept flying, back and forth, back and forth. He then asked if I would like to go to texting. Why yes, yes I would, except I didn't know his name. That was easily fixed, and the texts started. Before I go any further, here's the basic info on him. He's 35, so a few years younger than me, never married and no kids. He's quite cute, a bit on the baby-faced side, 5'11" and...

After what seemed like a good second date that, admittedly, left me feeling a little odd, today I got the dreaded "I just don't feel a spark" text. Frankly, I'm not surprised, and as I told a girlfriend, I often tend to overlook too much of the negative early on. I did that with him. He's a nice guy, but I think there are some mental issues. Now I'm not saying that to try to deflect any sort of responsibility I may have for it not working. He and I talked about certain things, and he let phrases drop about prescription medications and doctors appointments that make a psych diagnosis very plausible. That isn't a bad thing, necessarily. I have psych diagnoses in my history. I think most of America has psych diagnoses somewhere. But that, combined with some stuff I saw personality-wise, may answer the question why a reasonably good-looking guy with a sizable net worth has never been married. He wants to be friends. I told him if he needed a movie bud to c...

I almost don't know where to begin. So, I'll take the advice of Julie Andrews via Maria von Trapp and just start at the very beginning, because it is a very good place to start. We both had rough days and/or long weeks. My day wasn't actually that bad, but it's been a long, busy week. His day was rough. Our original plans were to meet at a movie theater and see "The Other Woman," a comedy that just opened today. I texted him letting him know I'd be hauling butt as soon as I could after teaching my Zumba class and would get to the theater around 7:00 - unless he wanted to change plans. He did. He invited me over for wine at his place. I have to admit I was a little skeptical at first. Was he just inviting me over to put on the hardcore hustle? He told me he'd already had a drink and was rather relaxed. Was this going to be another guy who thought I was an easy mark for a good time and nothing more? I thought and mused and ultimately I ended up going...

This is just a somewhat silly observational post, not really relevant to current events. Meaning, there's no drama or reporting or ridiculous analysis, just this observation. Okay, a little seriousness comes in, but there's no dating updates. If you're out on the dating scene regularly, have you ever noticed that before a big date there will be one thing, and one thing only, that seems to go awry with your appearance? One little thing that makes you uncomfortable or self-conscious the entire time? Maybe you chip your new manicure. That one chunk of hair just refuses to lay properly, regardless of how much product you use. You discover you missed a spot shaving. Suddenly you have a zit burgeoning, threatening to make its appearance mid-date, like a sudden eruption on your face during the salad course. Those shoes that were just fine for weeks are now uncomfortable. Without warning, your allergies kick in and your eyeliner goes from runway model to Gene Simmons. Your luck...

It is a glorious evening. It is around 74* with a light breeze. We are still a couple hours away from sunset, and it is the perfect evening to sit on my balcony with my laptop and recap the date I just had with Mr. Tall and Mysterious while enjoying another Shock Top Raspberry Wheat. In a nutshell, I am in serious "pinch me" mode right now. Everything about the date was casual. We met at a comfortable sports bar. We were both in jeans. Okay, I was in a denim skirt, because I was coming straight from the office, not that I can't wear jeans there. We had a drink and shared a platter of appetizers. And we talked. And talked. And talked. And flirted. And talked. Less than an hour in, and he asked for a second date. I gladly agreed. So on Friday evening we have plans to go see a movie. Yes, two days away. I'm trying to collect my thoughts about why this date was so great, and there really isn't anything specific I can pin down. What I do know is this: I haven...

I can be a world-class texter. If you text me, chances are quite good you will get a reply within a few minutes. The exception to that is if I am actually away from my phone. That's a rare occurrence, indeed, but does happen during things like concert and rehearsals. The speedy reply is good for business dealings. The speedy reply is not necessarily good when you are just having a conversation with someone and they don't have the same tempo of rapid reply that you do. Things come up during text conversations. Phone calls come in. Dinner has to be made and requires your attention. Or if it's during work hours, work things. We can't, nor should we, be attached to our phones all the time. This is something I admit I struggle with, though. Hashtag: phoneaddiction. Hashtag: iPhone. Hashtag: icantputitdown. Hashtag: ... you get the point. In my last post, I wrote about a day of communicating with Bachelor #2. The flurry of emails became sassy and bantering text messages...

So this may be the beginning of a slew of posts about Bachelor #2. Or, it may not. For the life of me, I'm certainly interested. Very interested. And he seems to also be interested. I think. The emailing went to texting. Lots of texting. And the texting was good. Comfortable banter, some flirting. I haven't had this great of a text exchange with a potential date since, well, the ex. We teased and found out we're both competitive. He's challenged me to a game of Scrabble over a bottle of wine. Well, at least via text message. The thing about texting and emailing is that you don't necessarily have to back up what you say with actions. You can banter and flirt and it can mean nothing. Or, it can mean everything. Figuring out the difference is what is tricky. I've spent pleasant evenings on Match chat with nice guys who gave me their number and then went "poof!" The only reason I'm all het up about this is how the conversation ended. More than ...

Murphy's First Law of Match and Blogging: as soon as you post publicly that your Match has been quiet for a few days, your inbox will once again explode. Really. 4 notifications between 5:45 and 6:45 this morning alone. What are people even doing on Match at that hour? Things I'm thinking about at 6:00 a.m. include, "WHY am I awake at this hour?" "Good God, the sun isn't even up!" and "Do I have time to hit the snooze again?" Except on Mondays, when I'm at work by 5:50, and thinking, "Why did I let my boss talk me into teaching this class?" Murphy's Second Law of Match and Blogging: often, when you comment that a reply has gone nowhere, shrug, and walk away, that person will email again. Not always, but it's happened more than once. I wonder if complaining about the quality of men will inspire Murphy to come up with Law #3, that as soon as you bitch and moan that all the guys are unattractive, dull, or otherwise uninsp...

It always happens. You start out hot on Match. The winks and emails come pouring in. Then they taper off, leading to a day or two or more of nothing. It can be a hard pill to swallow, going from "popular" to, well, essentially ignored. When it happens, you can do one of two things: you can get a table and have a pity party of one, or you can go on the offensive. Before I get to what I'm doing, let's do some recap, shall we? The date with Bachelor #1. We met for a drink at a nice bar before a concert call for me. By far, he's the most attractive man I've been on a Match date with, and on paper we were a good match. But I knew from our phone conversation before we met that personality-wise we probably weren't a match. The conversation was fine, nothing exhilarating or even really all that interesting. We parted ways, wishing each other luck on Match, and that was that. Bachelor #2 has not replied to the email I sent a week ago. Ah, Match, where gentlem...

For pretty much the first time since I rejoined Match, I have an evening at home. It is raining outside with the occasional roll of thunder. I have a tummy full of food happily sloshing around in a giant beer bath. The kitties are around - one is snuggled up next to me - and all is well with the world. In my dimly yet warmly lit living room, I can sit and blog. The first 5 days on Match were, well, busy. My inbox has 27 emails in it. A few are replies to my replies, but I've probably heard from 20 guys, not including the winks and those who have "liked" my pictures. (Seriously, is there anything Facebook has NOT influenced?) Then there was the enjoyable hour I spent at a local restaurant. Not feeling up to magically creating something from a mostly-bare larder and not desiring to go grocery shopping when it is raining, I decided a beer and chicken tenders would be just what the doctor ordered. They came with a side of reasonably cute waiter turning on the hard-core char...

Okay, I have A LOT of updating to do regarding my first 4 days on Match. The winks, the emails (oy, the emails), the date that was supposed to be this evening but as of a text message at 9:23 this morning has been rescheduled for another time yet to be determined. And I will do the update here soon; those who are also on Facebook have gotten little teasers already. But, I'm at work and our internet is down so I'm doing this on my phone. So why am I even blogging? Because of a truly awkward thing that happened last night with, you guessed it, the ex. As stated in a previous post, he is "in a relationship" and had plans to attend one of my concerts this weekend. Well, he was at last night's concert, as I expected. I did not see him, nor did I go looking for him. I had sung another concert immediately prior, our concert was full of difficult and taxing music, and the air conditioning wasn't working. After the concert, I said good night to our conductor and le...

Technically, it hasn't been a full day yet. It hasn't been 12 hours since my profile was all approved and active and stuff. But it's been plenty busy. As I told a couple girlfriends, who are also on Match, I feel like I've returned to a favorite dive bar. You know, that place you used to frequent that was a little shady yet comfortable, where you knew which bar stool was wobbly and that the guy in the corner wearing the bad 70's suit was really harmless and happily married so his horrible lines didn't really mean anything. That's what returning to Match has felt like. I'm back in this comfortable bar after being gone for a year, like I moved out of the area and have recently moved back. Some things are different, many things are the same. Like being "winked" at by guys who didn't get the hint last time. And by last time, I mean the last three times they "winked" at me. A year ago. So far, the tallies are: Winks: 7 Emails:...

I've been saying I'm going to do it. I've been saying it for months. Then I've followed it up with one excuse after another. "I'm too busy right now; I have all these performances and I just don't have time..." "Not sure I can really afford the membership fee right now..." "Well, my friend says she knows this guy..." Blah, blah, blah. Enough. This morning I went back on Match. I rewrote my profile summary. I dumped almost every photo and uploaded new ones. I checked my options and my back account balance, and hit "subscribe." I'm back, sports fans! Spring is here, the grass is green, the trees... haven't quite budded out but judging by my allergies they aren't far behind, and the future looks bright. But what about the ex? Who was recently in contact? Ah, the WTF moment. He texted last night. "Sorry I haven't been in touch." Mentally, my reply was *shrug*. Turns out he's in a new relat...