Online Dating at 36 - The Good, the Bad, & WTH?

If you had told me on Thanksgiving I'd be spending Christmas in my moose onesie with the drop seat (a game changer in onesie pajamas, let me tell you) drinking Jack & sours with Beef Bourguignon simmering away, I wouldn't have disagreed. If you had said I'd be doing it with only the cats, I probably would have looked at you funny. Yet here we are. I slept until 11:00, and it was delicious. I'm in my fuzzy moose onesie, and Zen the Cat is next to me on the couch. My third Jack & sour is on the coffee table, and my Beef Bourguignon, this year made with tips of filet mignon thanks to a neighbor, is simmering away and smelling delectable. And I'm alone, as I have been for most of my adult Christmases. I've never been in a relationship on Christmas, my birthday (which is in 3 days), New Years, or Valentines. I will admit that last night after the festivities of Christmas Eve services were over, I felt a deep loneliness like I haven't felt in a very ...

Welcome back, sports fans! In our last episode, we found out: 1. I had been dumped 2. MG (Match Guy) had started texting again 3. LAE (Long-Ago Ex) wanted to hook up Well, I’m still dumped. Nothing has changed there. And, I haven’t taken LAE up on his offer. That’s right, ladies and gentlemen, we’re going behind Door #2 tonight! At some point over the past 7 weeks, MG de-friended me on Facebook. I asked him about it, and he said he was thinking of getting rid of it or only having family, and couldn’t remember when he removed me. Fair enough; social media is actually part of what he does and as a result he is extremely private for his personal stuff: rarely posts, very few pics of himself, none of family, incorrect location, etc. I long ago got over being de-friended, and can you really blame someone who is so private for removing a woman he’d only gone on two dates with? The point of this, though, is that he had ZERO idea that I had been in a relationship or that I had been d...

My Life: A Soap Opera in innumerable acts Tonight's cast of characters: TG: Tinder Guy/boyfriend.... well, not anymore. MG: Match Guy, from right before the boyfriend LAE: Long Ago Ex, a guy I dated briefly who periodically pops up All events have actually happened in the past 3 days or so. Only the names have been changed to protect the identities of the men involved. So... on Thursday I got dumped. Except he didn't actually have the cajones to say as much, and it took him almost 2 days to be able to tell me. The same day TG and I got tickets to a concert in late January and had made plans to get together the following night, his ex-girlfriend called. That was Tuesday. I got dumped on Thursday. Now, I knew about her. And I knew there was some serious unresolved issues there. I am more empathetic than many of you might be, or are willing to be, because it was over 2 years and a painful email before I got closure from the break-up with D. I certainly went through a...

Yesterday was our "2 week anniversary", which neither of us made any mention of because we're not in middle school. Okay, we did get a little silly last week when we hit the one week mark, but that was because we'd come so far and were, at the moment, working through our first... crisis. See, we'd gone out to breakfast and came out to discover I had a flat tire. Really, a real test of a relationship is: can you kill an hour and a half in WalMart without killing each other? We hit the "official" one week mark while strolling through the aisles of WalMart waiting for them to take their sweet time changing my tire. We each made some purchases, laughed a lot, did some PDA, and largely just enjoyed each other's company. Which was good, because it would be a week before we would get to see each other again. As I joked with a few friends, relationships are easy when you only see each other once a week. He works a lot.  I have 3 jobs, and he keeps cr...

I am now officially in a relationship with the Tinder guy that I initially cancelled on. We've both deleted our Tinder, and I also ended my Match subscription. The first "I love you"s have been exchanged -- and for the record, he said it first. It's only been a week since we actually met, but what a hell of a week. When something is right, it's just right. We've shared things about ourselves with each other that literally only the fewest of other people know. Deep things about our pasts. The baggage each of us brings from previous relationships and life circumstances. We know what we're getting into with the other person. To us, it feels like it's been longer than a week -- in a good way. I'm definitely not used to sharing my space with another person, but it feels very natural to have him here. We didn't even have to talk about what side of the bed each of us prefers, because it just happens that we each prefer a different side. He loves c...

I know that the title of this might seem scandalous. You’re probably thinking, “Geez, we know you have a busy schedule and your Tinder has been particularly active, but c’mon now!” Ah, dear friends, you’re making the assumption these dates are with different guys. Yesterday I had a lunch date with a guy from Tinder, one that I had been seriously talking with and not just flirting. As I wrote yesterday, there was definitely chemistry. It was at a level I hadn’t expected. I wasn’t expecting the attraction and connection on both a mental and physical level. To say it caught me by surprise would be an understatement. Were I not behind at work, the date could have easily lasted the rest of the day and well into the night. So after work for me, we met up for a drink. In the back booth of a local bar & grille, we talked. And talked. Deep things about our pasts, ourselves. Current struggles and dreams. What each of us was looking for in a relationship. How would my family react t...

So I'm currently at work and completely unable to focus. Part of me wants to blame it on the fact that not quite two hours ago I went and got a Trenta iced coffee with two shots from Starbucks, but I know that's not the case. I've gotten some  work done, just not nearly what I'd planned to accomplish today. Why? Because my brain -- and my heart -- is very confused right now. Last week (yikes, was it really just last week?) I cancelled a date with a very nice guy I'd met on Tinder in order to go on a date with a guy I'd met on Match who I thought was a better, well, match. That first date went great, and we set up a second. Tinder guy got mad that I had cancelled, and I figured that was that with him. (This is T4 from the first Tinder blog post, if you're playing the home game.) You would think by now, after doing this on and off for over 6 years, that nothing would surprise me anymore. Ha. Match date #2 started off great, or so I thought, and ended a...

Comparing Tinder and Match isn't even like comparing apples and oranges. It's more like comparing a complex Bruckner symphony with a top 40 pop song. Match requires the dedication, depth, and analysis of a Bruckner symphony (and ultimately you may not find much... a little music nerd joke there). Tinder is that ear worm that you can't quite get rid of, no matter how many times you change the dial. And yet... it's catchy. You find yourself singing along in spite of it. You even add it to your Apple Music playlist. A couple days ago, I was talking with a friend about the guy I'd been chatting with on Tinder, had set up a date with, and then canceled on. The guy who got upset. I thought I would never hear from him again. My friend thought otherwise. I hate it when I'm wrong. I admit it, but that doesn't mean I have to like it. Yesterday I was headed to my dinner break at work and pulled my phone out of my back pocket. Sure enough, I had a Tinder message f...

So it has now been a week since I reactivated Match and also joined Tinder. And good Lord in heaven above, what a week. This past week, I set up 2 Tinder dates and canceled both. One was understanding. The other got angry. The latter had already been sending messages about how he was thinking I might be "the one" and other things that had me thinking he'd fallen too hard too fast already. We hadn't even met yet. I was honest with him why I was canceling the date. Apparently my honesty wasn't appreciated and his response started with "So you're dumping me before you've even met me?" How can you "dump" someone you aren't dating? That you haven't even met in person? And if that's going to be your response, then I'm glad I canceled on you. One stalker is enough. I did have a date off of Match, with a second follow-up date. He's a great guy, and that's all I'm going to publicly say on the matter. Last nigh...

Oh, Lord. Tinder. I made the official plunge a couple days ago, after I called it off with "The Marine". I renewed my Match and joined Tinder. Match has so far served up a continuous stream of "nope". On Tinder, I felt like an elderly grandmother trying to figure out Twitter or Facebook, the kind whose posts show up on "Fail" sites because they accidentally used the status bar like it was a search engine. It's been about 48 or so hours, and I've racked up over 700 likes. Don't get too excited for me, though. If you are unfamiliar with Tinder, take a meat market bar, put it in decent lighting, and then upload it to the internet. Eh, voila! Tinder! I have seen primary profile pictures that were only (mostly naked) shoulders to knees with the profile "just looking for friendship" with no additional pictures. I have literally seen primary profile pictures that were a Subway sandwich. I was "liked" by a guy who listed amo...

Most of you know about this blog from Facebook, so you are probably up-to-date on all my drama. If for some reason you are not, here is a brief recap: - “met” hot Marine online - fell hard, and he claimed to as well - initial background check of Marine was clear - Marine’s story began to fall apart as he started demanding money - I called out the Marine on his lies and called off the relationship  - he began harassing me online & via text, threatening to post NSFW pics of me online and send them to my employers if I didn’t pay him - I filed a police report, and as per the officer’s instructions told the “Marine” that I had - harassment escalated (he started using a different phone number); scammer used the word “blackmail” - scammer has been blocked everywhere he finds me and my online security has been significantly ramped up - a friend found the REAL Marine in the photos, whose rank and first/last name match what the scammer gave me; my friend contacted ...

When I started this blog over 6 years ago, I did it because I had joined Match, gotten a date, and the date was such an epic and hilarious failure and so many people wanted to hear the story that I found started a blog was the best way to disseminate information. Over the years I’ve shared some very personal things here, and quite a few funny stories. I’ve had trolls comment and threaten to “tell my church leaders” that I was having sex outside of marriage, claiming they would “get [me] fired” and calling me all sorts of uncouth names. I’ve run this blog behind a veil of secrecy, never naming the men I’ve dated or sharing information about them that could get them identified in real life. What I didn’t anticipate was a loss of a certain amount of privacy from my friends. I’m guilty of sometimes over sharing, both here on the blog and on social media. But oversharing doesn’t equate an automatic right to be able to pass judgment on my life choices. I understand my friends are con...

I haven’t reactivated my Match account yet. I did set up a new one and it has gotten quite a bit of attention... but I haven’t yet plunked down the credit card. I’m ready, this time for sure. So what is holding me back? Honestly, first it was surgery recovery and now it’s simply the question: “do I have the time for dating?” Then again, I’ve asked that question of myself for 20 years. And here I am at 42, 6 years after starting this blog, still single. Oh, there have been ups, definite ups. And there have definitely been downs. And there have been the just plain weirds, for as we all know this blog wouldn’t exist without those! The latest chapter of the weirds comes to us from “Words With Friends”. I’m a huge nerd and I love word games. I love Scrabble, and I’m a competitive person. For a long time, my WWF profile picture was actually me. Then, the sketchy game requests started coming in. I’m not a stunner, but who doesn’t make sure their internet profile pictures are their absolut...