How to Get Me to Swipe Left
So as I said in my last post, I'm back on Tinder. And I'm sure I've made a post like this before, but here's my updated list of things that are pretty guaranteed to make me swipe left.
1. No picture, or making me dig for one.
Now, you might think me having to check out your profile to see a picture of you is cunning. I find it annoying. What are you hiding? Why won't you put your face out there for all to see? Are you cheating on someone? Are you that unattractive? Are you that technologically inept where you don't know how to make an actual picture of you the first thing I see?
2. Bad pictures of yourself.
In this day and age, 99% of the population has a phone that has a camera. There's no excuse for bad selfies. Or blurry selfies. Have a friend who knows how to focus take a picture of you. Watch a YouTube video on how to take a good selfie. Do a Google search. There's probably a library book if you're that much of a luddite.
3. Lots and lots of pictures of your stuff.
I'm glad you have a mode of transportation, or a boat, or some other toy. Not every guy does. But if 80% of your pictures are of your stuff, I'm going to pass. I'm not looking to date your stuff. I'm not impressed by your motorcycle or fancy truck. If that's what you care about, or what you think I care about, we're definitely not copacetic.
4. Dead animals.
If the best pictures you have of yourself feature dead animals, I'm swiping left. I love deer -- alive and in their natural habitat. I think fish are just fine in the water. Turkey is great at Thanksgiving. We no longer live in a society where your hunter skills are necessary for survival. I appreciate many do it for sport or enjoyment, but I'm not one of them.
5. You look like you're trying too hard.
What do I mean by that? I've had profiles of guys in their 30s and 40s desperately trying to look like they are in their 20s. Your youth called, and it wants its clothes back. Or my favorite, the ones that look like rejected auditions for "Jersey Shore". Duck face isn't attractive on women, and it's not attractive on men, either. If you're trying that hard to look "cool", then you inevitably aren't. You look like a douche.
6. We work at the same place.
Nothing says awkward more than knowing we work at the same place but you can't bring yourself to start a conversation with me in real life, especially when we have chatted. Besides, not only do I generally avoid dating colleagues, but if I thought you were attractive I'd have already made my presence known to you.
7. I denied your Facebook friend request.
True story. Just today I had a "like" from a guy I immediately recognized as someone who has tried to friend me on Facebook. We have no mutual friends (so I don't know how you found me), and there's nothing in your profile to make me think you'd be a good network connection for me. So I haven't accepted your friend request, and I'm unlikely to want to date you, either.
8. Snarky profile stuff.
I love a profile that makes me laugh. Witty lines, even corny ones, that bring a smile to my face go a long way. But there are ways to make preferences known without sounding like a jerk. We're all wary of the ones who are on Tinder looking for a sugar daddy or mommy, and the ones who are there just for sex. I get it. But you don't have to refer to "those women who want me to take care of yo kids by yo baby daddy" or "club hoes" or things like that. Or taking cheap shots at those of us who have college degrees by putting something snarky in the "college attended" slot. That slot is optional.
9. Blatant misspellings.
Does your phone not have autocorrect? Seriously. I can understand -- to a teeth-gritting extent -- misspelling homophones. But I have 2.9 college degrees and a high IQ. I want someone who is pretty equal to me. I'm not saying you have to be a Mensa candidate or even have a college degree. But if you can't spell basic words correctly then I'm going to have legitimate concerns about your ability to hold a thought-provoking conversation.
Am I a terribly shallow person? Perhaps. I prefer to think of it as being middle-aged and knowing what I want. I don't have a lot of free time. I'm in this dating thing to find an actual relationship, not a hook-up or a friend-with-benefits. While those make for salacious blog fodder, they just wear me out. So if I swipe left on you, don't take it personally. It just means we aren't a match.
1. No picture, or making me dig for one.
Now, you might think me having to check out your profile to see a picture of you is cunning. I find it annoying. What are you hiding? Why won't you put your face out there for all to see? Are you cheating on someone? Are you that unattractive? Are you that technologically inept where you don't know how to make an actual picture of you the first thing I see?
2. Bad pictures of yourself.
In this day and age, 99% of the population has a phone that has a camera. There's no excuse for bad selfies. Or blurry selfies. Have a friend who knows how to focus take a picture of you. Watch a YouTube video on how to take a good selfie. Do a Google search. There's probably a library book if you're that much of a luddite.
3. Lots and lots of pictures of your stuff.
I'm glad you have a mode of transportation, or a boat, or some other toy. Not every guy does. But if 80% of your pictures are of your stuff, I'm going to pass. I'm not looking to date your stuff. I'm not impressed by your motorcycle or fancy truck. If that's what you care about, or what you think I care about, we're definitely not copacetic.
4. Dead animals.
If the best pictures you have of yourself feature dead animals, I'm swiping left. I love deer -- alive and in their natural habitat. I think fish are just fine in the water. Turkey is great at Thanksgiving. We no longer live in a society where your hunter skills are necessary for survival. I appreciate many do it for sport or enjoyment, but I'm not one of them.
5. You look like you're trying too hard.
What do I mean by that? I've had profiles of guys in their 30s and 40s desperately trying to look like they are in their 20s. Your youth called, and it wants its clothes back. Or my favorite, the ones that look like rejected auditions for "Jersey Shore". Duck face isn't attractive on women, and it's not attractive on men, either. If you're trying that hard to look "cool", then you inevitably aren't. You look like a douche.
6. We work at the same place.
Nothing says awkward more than knowing we work at the same place but you can't bring yourself to start a conversation with me in real life, especially when we have chatted. Besides, not only do I generally avoid dating colleagues, but if I thought you were attractive I'd have already made my presence known to you.
7. I denied your Facebook friend request.
True story. Just today I had a "like" from a guy I immediately recognized as someone who has tried to friend me on Facebook. We have no mutual friends (so I don't know how you found me), and there's nothing in your profile to make me think you'd be a good network connection for me. So I haven't accepted your friend request, and I'm unlikely to want to date you, either.
8. Snarky profile stuff.
I love a profile that makes me laugh. Witty lines, even corny ones, that bring a smile to my face go a long way. But there are ways to make preferences known without sounding like a jerk. We're all wary of the ones who are on Tinder looking for a sugar daddy or mommy, and the ones who are there just for sex. I get it. But you don't have to refer to "those women who want me to take care of yo kids by yo baby daddy" or "club hoes" or things like that. Or taking cheap shots at those of us who have college degrees by putting something snarky in the "college attended" slot. That slot is optional.
9. Blatant misspellings.
Does your phone not have autocorrect? Seriously. I can understand -- to a teeth-gritting extent -- misspelling homophones. But I have 2.9 college degrees and a high IQ. I want someone who is pretty equal to me. I'm not saying you have to be a Mensa candidate or even have a college degree. But if you can't spell basic words correctly then I'm going to have legitimate concerns about your ability to hold a thought-provoking conversation.
Am I a terribly shallow person? Perhaps. I prefer to think of it as being middle-aged and knowing what I want. I don't have a lot of free time. I'm in this dating thing to find an actual relationship, not a hook-up or a friend-with-benefits. While those make for salacious blog fodder, they just wear me out. So if I swipe left on you, don't take it personally. It just means we aren't a match.
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