It's just a little one. No one really knows about it, and it is highly unlikely it will go anywhere. But it's turned out to be key to a big leap in my recovery.
I'm an only child who was a "latch-key kid". I spent endless hours in worlds in my own head, sometimes spurred along by my voracious reading, sometimes purely the work of my own imagination. Like most children, I had an imaginary friend. But, I also had an imaginary husband.
Hey, I never said I was normal.
In my life, I've always seemed most internally happy when I've had some object -- I suppose person would be the better term -- to be desiring, to be starring in my 'fantasies'. (I dislike the term 'fantasies', as it conjures up visions of XXX dreams for me, but I think you all know what I mean.) Most often in my life, that person has been beloved from a distance. A friend or colleague I find attractive, usually. Sometimes that person has been an actual, active lov…