Online Dating at 36 - The Good, the Bad, & WTH?

I honestly, completely, and truly thought my post about my date with M would be my last date-related and/or drama-filled blog post of 2012.  I thought my dating life had finally settled down a little from the stress of "was it just a ONS" and "dear menstrual cycle, please return," now focusing on a nice guy who I feel a bit ambivalent about and the very beginnings of emails with one that holds more appeal, which may or may not go anywhere. Boy, was I wrong. I was in my living room, rehearsing choreography for a class I'm co-teaching tomorrow, and generally ignoring my cell phone.  My Words With Friends and Hanging With Friends games can wait until I'm done learning these songs, or that was my thought on the matter.  Then, over the music, I heard a sound I hadn't heard in several weeks. I apparently had not removed J3's personalized text message tone.  And it was sounding. Yes, J3, the 28 year old ... kid ... who got into my bed and then was p

When I went on Match to reply to J5's email, I also went through my Daily Matches.  Those 9 profiles have led me to post this very brief PSA. 1. If you come from a family of many kids, and your brothers are significantly more attractive than you are, don't post pictures of you with them.  It is especially advised that you not make one of those pictures your primary profile picture.  Crop it.  (I wonder if that poor guy gets emails asking if his brothers are single.) 2. If your profile reads like a 3rd grade book report, learn to write a compound sentence.  "I am a good guy.  I am a loving father.  I like sports and camping.  My boys and I like to play baseball."  I'm not making this sh!t up, I actually read a profile that was just like that.  And, he supposedly holds a Bachelor's Degree from a local and respected university. 3. If you list "Atlas Shrugged" and other books by Ayn Rand in your "Last Read" section, leaving your "Pol

It is always auspicious when one of the first things your date says to you is, "Thank you for looking like your pictures on Match." It turns out that the last time he was on Match -- more on that in a moment -- he met several people who were just not like their profiles.  The joys of internet dating!  I told him I was one of those silly people who still believed in honesty, especially in something like this, where you are ultimately going to meet face-to-face.  Comparing silly Match profiles was a good ice breaker on what was a date that has left me at a loss for accurate adjectives. It wasn't sensational, OMGthiswasthebestdateEVER.  It wasn't horrible, OMGgetmethehelloutofhereNOW. It was two hours of good conversation, a lot of laughs, a lot of similar opinions and good discussion.  We found common ground in politics (always a good sign) and the surprising fact that we were both PK's -- pastor's kids -- from conservative backgrounds, no less.  It was a co

That day has arrived, the day that my blog URL is technically no longer accurate.  Today is my natal anniversary, or as we more commonly call it, my birthday.  I'm now 37 and dating. Pass the Geritol. Other than that, there isn't a whole lot to report.  My two texting buds have been very quiet.  I still haven't heard from J2, and that's fine with me.  I'm a bit surprised I haven't heard from D, but this has happened more than once before.  I'm cynical -- and perhaps savvy -- enough to be suspicious of someone who texts but never pushes for meeting.  Let's face it, there's no step on Match to prove that you are actually single before setting up a profile.  "Currently separated" is even a marital status option.  It's the Internet, where there's nothing to prevent you from being someone you aren't, be that single or married.  All that to say, I wouldn't be surprised if D turned out to already have a girlfriend or some other

Christmas was surprisingly busy on Match, at least for me.  Ho ho ho! It started with a wink from a new bachelor, which, like many other winks, has and will continue to go unanswered.  It isn't because he's creepy or unattractive, he just doesn't appeal to me for some unknown reason.  That's part of the dating scene that can't be logically explained, no matter how hard I try. Then came a notification that one of my pictures was "liked" by a guy.  I didn't recognize the screen name, so I went to his profile.  Turns out he was one I had checked out before, and I think even marked as "interested in."  I'd gone so far as to wink at him.  But, that was over a month ago and around the same time I started seeing J3. Taking the advice of Match, I dropped him a quick email saying "thanks for liking my picture" and that I hoped he'd had a good Christmas.  I was rather surprised when he responded, and all evening we emailed back

Well, fellow friends & readers, whoever and wherever you are, this is my 100th post on this blog.  And hold on to your seats, because it's a doozie! But before I go any further, Merry Christmas! Potential titles for the post included "One if By Land..." and "My 37th Birthday Gift From My Body."  The last week since I posted has been busy and very stressful, and it isn't simply because I'm a musician and a church worship director and it's Christmas.  Let us begin by wrapping up loose ends, shall we? J3.  The infamous aggressive yet shy kid who made me, briefly, a cougar.  After a week of decreasing messages, finally total silence.  I did indeed send one last text, a sort of "hey, if you're moving on that's fine, but just let me know" kind of thing.  No reply.  Again, sound familiar?  (If not, go re-read the posts about the end of my "relationship" with P.)  Yet, J3 lived on in a stressful way for another week.  We

In the three and a half weeks since I've been "dating" J3 -- if this past week with the intermittent-to-none conversations counts as "dating" -- my Match account has been pretty quiet.  I've gotten a couple of winks and a few emails, all of which either got the "no thank you" replies or they just didn't go anywhere.  Other than to review those profiles and send the "no thank you" replies, I haven't really been out on the site.  I haven't been going through my Daily Matches or anything in the past 10+ days. Today that has certainly changed.  My phone has been practically exploding with texts from Match about winks and emails.  Is the universe trying to tell me something?  The day that I finally "go public" with my internal dialogue over what has become of my "relationship" with J3, my Match inbox goes nuts. On a side note, I have yet to text J3.  I figure I'll give him another 24-48 hours.  But back

If there is one thing I love to do, it is admit I made a mistake, especially if it is a mistake I've made before.  Isn't that the definition of insanity, to repeatedly do something expecting a different outcome?  Then again, that makes all who date insane, for we are constantly meeting people and going on dates expecting one encounter to be different and ultimately better than the others. We come to the update on J3.  I last blogged about our third date, the one that ended up in my bed.  In the days that followed, the text conversations started off promising.  In a nutshell, "Reader's Digest" compilation, they started: Me: So do you have time next weekend...? J3: Yeah, probably. Me: Well, I'm sure we'll talk this week. J3: Yeah, definitely.  (Note: that is word-for-word.) They continued during the week, discussing overall inane things.  Thursday he told me his weekend was pretty busy but that he might have time on Sunday evening.  I told him I cou

I know of at least one friend who will not be happy to learn that I allowed someone into my home whose last name I didn't know, especially after she asked me if I'd run background checks on these guys from Match and I told her, "Oh, yes, of course."  Not.  And now, as we know, I've allowed him not only into my home, but into my bed, still without knowing his last name.  Last night, during one of our conversations, I even made a reference to that, that here he was in my bed and I didn't know his last name. Once again, I remind myself that men don't usually pick up on subtle hints. However, we have this fantastic thing called the internet.  Armed with his first name and knowing he's a content provider for the website of a major KC sports team, I plugged those words into Google.  The second thing that popped up was his most recent blog, complete with his last name there in the author's byline. Success! But of course, that wasn't quite enou

Ah, yes, time to reflect upon another date with J3.  As is often the case, I'm writing this post while reclining in my bed, a cat next to me demanding my attention. Just an hour or so ago, I wasn't alone in my bed.  And I'm not referring to a cat. So now that you have an idea how the third date ultimately ended, let's get into the reflections, shall we?  I have said before that J3 is a bit socially awkward.  He still is.  I can't tell if he's just shy, or if there's something else going on.  Either way, after a week of less-than-scintillating communication, yesterday evening we finally set up plans.  We agreed on "tomorrow night" (tonight).  I then asked, "what, when, and where?" His reply was, "Your place, whenever tomorrow night works for me." Yep, he just invited himself over to my place.  In some ways, I was surprised; in others, not so much.  I've often been told that my home is very cozy and inviting, and I'

It seems the universe, or whomever God has put in charge of my love life, thinks I need more drama.  Just when I thought the bachelors were winnowing themselves out and one was clearly taking the lead, drama. I am not the most assertive person when it comes to early-stage dating.  I will enthusiastically follow the lead of my partner, but when it comes to initiating I tend to be tentative.  So this morning, I went out on a limb (for me) and texted J3 asking if I would get to see him again. About a half hour later, I got a response.  "Yeah, when are you free?"  That's a typical J3 text; remember, he is not an expressive texter.  I've already learned how to "read between the lines" if you will.  I got that just as I was beginning to teach a class, so it wasn't until after the class when I could reply.  Knowing he won't reply to texts at work (generally), I wasn't expecting a text until later this evening. A few minutes after 6:30, as I was dr

Kiss ~ verb: 1. to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound  in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc. 2. to join lips with in this way 3. to touch gently or lightly 4. to put, bring, take, etc., by, or as if by, kissing 5. to make slight contact with or brush (i.e., billiards) ~ verb without object 6. to join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etc. 7. to express a thought, feeling, etc., by a contact of the lips 8. to purse and then part the lips, emitting a smacking sound, as in kissing someone 9. to carom gently off or touch another (i.e., billiards) And the list goes on when you get into the noun definitions.  (These all came from my Dictionary.com app.) Famed psychologist Sigmund Freud's definition is more graphic, being something about the pressing together of mucus membranes.  But no matter how you define what a kiss is, what cannot be defined is how people value a kiss,

B.U.I.: Blogging under the influence.  Okay, I've just had half a bottle of wine, most of which came after dinner.  Then again, I ate fairly lightly at dinner, and dinner was preceded by a pretty strong whiskey sour.  Still, I'm finding merlot a lovely avenue for interesting reflection, although it may impair eloquent and insightful -- or at least, deep -- thoughts on dating. Wait.  Deep thoughts on dating?  From this blog?  That's like thinking people watch soap operas for the fantastic acting and believable plot lines. So tonight was dinner-and-a-movie old style with J3.  I cooked, he came over bringing a bottle of wine and a Redbox DVD selection.  I made chicken marsala and spinach stuffed shells.  He brought a good merlot and "The Raven." Tangent 1: I don't know why my apartment is so hard to find.  He called twice after pulling into the parking lot to be able to find me.  There are 8 apartments in my building.  And, he's not the only one to get

I'm supposed to be on a date right now.  That's right, I'm supposed to be "wining and dining" with a 35 year old financial planner of Greek descent, one who was recently promoted at work and drives a BMW. Instead, I'm sitting on my couch with a large white cat next to me, blogging to the sounds of my washer and dryer and digesting the dinner I just made. A week and a half ago, the Wednesday prior to Thanksgiving to be exact, we set up this date.  After sending back and forth dozens of text messages, he said, "I need to see you soon."  We compared schedules and set aside tonight for a date.  I asked him what we would do, and he said, "Wining and dining :-)."  Since then, we texted daily... until 3 days ago. Wednesday morning, I got my usual good morning text from him, to which I replied.  On my lunch break, I texted him saying, "Have you decided where we're going on Saturday?" to which I got no reply.  Thursday I sent ano