Why Do I Bother?
When I wrote my last post, I was so optimistic. I had multiple guys lined up for dates and another who was a distance thing that seemed really promising.
Now... yeah. Not so much.
So M1 still wants a second date, but he doesn't know when. The Doctor and I are meeting for lunch this week, but we all know a relationship isn't in his cards right now. M2 never contacted me after essentially flaking on our date. My 6'4" Kansas Boy (I don't remember what I dubbed him) is still sorta in the cards, but again, not relationship material.
The out of town guy seemed really promising. Lots of texting. Lots of pictures, the right kind of pictures. Frequently told me how beautiful I was. Often he'd text things that were putting the cart before the horse, but you can't say he wasn't coming after me hard. Until he wasn't. In the blink of an eye today it was "you should be dating other men, I like the competition" and finally "So let's do this. Date the guys you're looking at. I'll date this other girl and we'll catch up after a little while?"
Like, seriously, what the fuck? Two days ago you were literally looking at flights for me to join you on a business trip in Chicago, and now you want to date someone else? You were talking, seriously talking, about me joining you in San Francisco and now, "K. Thank you. Good luck."
If he reaches out again, my first question to him is going to be, "How can I trust you?" He literally toyed with my emotions. He says he's looking for forever, but then he's going to date this girl and we'll catch up after a bit? That's not looking for forever, dude. The guy sent me pictures of him and his daughter from their Thanksgiving trip to see family, for crying out loud.
It doesn't make logical sense, but I feel a bit like I've been dumped. Passed up for something more interesting. I'm like the mouse that the cat caught and played with, but ultimately didn't kill. So here I lay wounded, and wondering why I keep doing this. How many times can I get my hopes up, only to be let down, and then pick myself up again?
Ironically, it's thrown me back to my first big crush... who actually told me (we were in middle school) that I was the kind of girl he would marry but not the kind of girl he would date. So I feel like I've been hearing this for 30 years. You're a great person... but not for me.
I'm most likely going to be having shoulder surgery in January. That seems like a good reason to take a break. Who knows what might happen between now and then, but right now I'm not optimistic at all. I was already struggling with body image issues; I lost all that weight with my health crisis at the beginning of the year and now due to letting my eating getting out of control and thinking what I did at work was enough physical exertion, 25 pounds have come back. But since I'm "post-menopausal", they've come back in different places. I've had plenty of guys lately find me sexy, but I'm not finding it within myself. Now I really feel like I've taken a blow.
Is there such a thing as a reboot on life? Because I'd like one, please and thank you.
Now... yeah. Not so much.
So M1 still wants a second date, but he doesn't know when. The Doctor and I are meeting for lunch this week, but we all know a relationship isn't in his cards right now. M2 never contacted me after essentially flaking on our date. My 6'4" Kansas Boy (I don't remember what I dubbed him) is still sorta in the cards, but again, not relationship material.
The out of town guy seemed really promising. Lots of texting. Lots of pictures, the right kind of pictures. Frequently told me how beautiful I was. Often he'd text things that were putting the cart before the horse, but you can't say he wasn't coming after me hard. Until he wasn't. In the blink of an eye today it was "you should be dating other men, I like the competition" and finally "So let's do this. Date the guys you're looking at. I'll date this other girl and we'll catch up after a little while?"
Like, seriously, what the fuck? Two days ago you were literally looking at flights for me to join you on a business trip in Chicago, and now you want to date someone else? You were talking, seriously talking, about me joining you in San Francisco and now, "K. Thank you. Good luck."
If he reaches out again, my first question to him is going to be, "How can I trust you?" He literally toyed with my emotions. He says he's looking for forever, but then he's going to date this girl and we'll catch up after a bit? That's not looking for forever, dude. The guy sent me pictures of him and his daughter from their Thanksgiving trip to see family, for crying out loud.
It doesn't make logical sense, but I feel a bit like I've been dumped. Passed up for something more interesting. I'm like the mouse that the cat caught and played with, but ultimately didn't kill. So here I lay wounded, and wondering why I keep doing this. How many times can I get my hopes up, only to be let down, and then pick myself up again?
Ironically, it's thrown me back to my first big crush... who actually told me (we were in middle school) that I was the kind of girl he would marry but not the kind of girl he would date. So I feel like I've been hearing this for 30 years. You're a great person... but not for me.
I'm most likely going to be having shoulder surgery in January. That seems like a good reason to take a break. Who knows what might happen between now and then, but right now I'm not optimistic at all. I was already struggling with body image issues; I lost all that weight with my health crisis at the beginning of the year and now due to letting my eating getting out of control and thinking what I did at work was enough physical exertion, 25 pounds have come back. But since I'm "post-menopausal", they've come back in different places. I've had plenty of guys lately find me sexy, but I'm not finding it within myself. Now I really feel like I've taken a blow.
Is there such a thing as a reboot on life? Because I'd like one, please and thank you.
Comments
Post a Comment
We are all adults here. Comments are welcome, but they are also moderated because there has been a marked increase in spam, trolling, and generally snarky and nasty comments being submitted. Different opinions are welcome when expressed maturely; rude comments and links will not be published.