A New Hobby and An Age-Old Dilemma
It appears my ex has decided upon a new hobby of sorts: randomly texting me. Oh, but that isn't enough to justify a blog post. Let's face it, exes frequent do the random texting thing (if they are on friendly post-relationship terms). These random texts are apparently fishing for information. Information on my personal life.
If you're saying, "WTF?" to that, I concur.
To set up these recent texts, first we must review. While the ex and I were dating, there were two men in my life that he was irrationally and illogically jealous of, whether he would admit it or not. One of them I did indeed have an intimate history with -- that would be the kid who made me a cougar. The other is a good friend and colleague, and while I wouldn't turn him down (if you know what I mean) the opportunity has never presented itself. That always mystified the ex, that this person hadn't tried to get me in bed, but to be honest, just because one guy wants to bed me doesn't mean every guy wants to bed me. For sake of clarity, I shall refer to the kid as K, the other gentleman as C, and my ex as X. (Original, I know.)
C is, as I said, also a colleague. So a couple weeks ago when X texted out of the blue, he asked questions about a musical event that C and I are both involved with. Given X and I also had musical similarities and such, it would seem a normal and reasonable conversation, albeit out of left field. At the time, I thought it odd and wondered if he was trying to find out if C and I had indeed hooked up or something, but I chose to let it go.
My girlfriends weren't so convinced.
Then this past week, X texted again out of the blue, and he directly asked about K. I never told K I was "back on the market." I have no desire to revisit what I had with K. None. So when X asked me "how K was," I replied that I had no idea, but I was sure I had K's number somewhere if X wanted to give him a call.
That earned me the reply of "bitch," which was immediately followed by a :-). That would be X's idea of sassy and "funny" -- and also being a bit of an asshole. Honestly, I wasn't that amused.
In light of that recent text, though, the first one, the one about C, takes on a different slant. All in all, though, why is X concerned about my dating and sex life in the first place? If he wants me to ask about his dating and sex life, it ain't gonna happen. I don't care, not one iota. When it comes to my personal life, he lost any and all rights to that information when he texted me in April saying, "I think we should just be friends." And really, what does he expect me to say when he asks how a rehearsal went? "It went great! C and I had awesome sex afterwards!"
I don't think so.
I wonder if he is really capable of a normal friendship with a woman. X is so sex-driven, I'm not sure he can ever see a woman as something other than a sex object when it comes down to it. The concept of men and women just being friends he struggles with -- hence his difficulty wrapping his brain around my relationship with C.
Whatever. That is over and done with, and as time continues to pass I am realizing more and more that I really am better off without him in my life in any significant way. We've said we'd like to be friends, but I don't know if that will happen because as of late he isn't showing to be the kind of person I'd want to be friends with.
Putting that tiresome subject aside though, we come to another musing. This is one of the age-old dilemmas: how do you let him know you're interested? When are you coming on too strong? When is it not strong enough?
There is a great meme that has been floating around on social media. There are two pictures, one on top of the other. The top picture is an attractive female sitting at a table "opposite" the viewer. She has a sweet smile on her face and her body language is coy and flirtatious but not in-your-face. That panel is captioned, "What a girl thinks is enough to let me know she's interested." The lower panel is a still from Family Guy. It shows a woman laying back on a bed propped up on her elbows, fully clothed yet clearly expecting something. There are runway lights leading up to her slightly spread legs, and an air traffic control person with his glowing directional wands gesturing in her direction. The caption there reads, "What I actually need to know she's interested."
Are men really that clueless with body language? What about men who are more metrosexual, more sensitive to the little things, to details? This whole concept, letting a guy know I'm interested, is something I have always struggled with. Match was great for me, because you aren't on Match to make friends. You are there to DATE. Send a wink, an email, there's no question it's because you are interested or have piqued someone's interest. But in real life...
I rarely put myself in situations such as the proverbial "meat market;" the singles scene of bars and clubs where strangers commonly mingle and flirt. Most of the men I meet (and by most, I mean ALL) I meet through work of some sort. Either they are coworkers, clients, or colleagues on the music "gigging" scene. These are men that I have a professional or otherwise non-romantic relationship with, which makes crossing that line much more difficult. It isn't just the question of possibly sacrificing a good friendship for something more. These guys I have to work with on a regular basis. Being shot down wouldn't just make a friendship awkward for a little while, awkwardness that can often be remedied by some time apart. Making my feelings known and have them not reciprocated would complicate regular if not weekly working relationships.
This isn't just the "you shouldn't date your coworkers" thing. I'm not 100% for or against coworkers dating, and my reason is this: I do believe God has set aside partners for most people, and what if His plan for those people to meet is through work? A good friend met her husband when he came out, as a supervisor, to rectify a home maintenance situation seen to by his company at her home. Yet when there is clearly an ethical reason to not date your coworker -- such as, s/he is your supervisor -- then it should be obvious that dating would be a no-no.
This is where I am at the moment. Previously I've blogged about three guys, then one fell out of the running for several reasons. Of the two that remain, my heart has made it clear to my brain that it has a preference. Now both would be fine with option #2, but there is a consensus on the preference for option #1. I see both options at least once a week for professional reasons, and with option #1 I've been finding myself being almost schizophrenic. I do things that I think are making it clear I'm interested, but then I wonder if I'm coming on too strong, so I back off. But then does backing off make him think I'm actually not interested? Or had he even gotten an impression in the first place that I am interested? Is what I'm doing to signal my interest being perceived by him as little more than me being my usual "sweet and awesome" self? (His words.)
I could blog for pages about the little things in my dealings with option #1. I do mean pages. Boring page after page of all the details that I, a detail-oriented woman, have picked up on, and my thorough and overly-complicated analysis of each detail. Does the fact that he regularly does this mean what I hope it does? Or is it just him being him? But we all shall be spared that, largely because not only do we work together on a regular basis, but we have probably 70 or so friends in common. 70 or so people who may or may not know of this blog or read it, if he himself doesn't. 70 or so people who may contact him and spill my beans. Ergo, I keep the details to myself. I continue to refer to "option #1" and make information as vague as possible while giving my readers a sense of the drama. (In this case, drama is pronounced with the ae, like "cat," in the middle.)
And I continue, with 38 looming in the not-too-distant future, to try to figure out more clearly this bizarre thing called dating.
If you're saying, "WTF?" to that, I concur.
To set up these recent texts, first we must review. While the ex and I were dating, there were two men in my life that he was irrationally and illogically jealous of, whether he would admit it or not. One of them I did indeed have an intimate history with -- that would be the kid who made me a cougar. The other is a good friend and colleague, and while I wouldn't turn him down (if you know what I mean) the opportunity has never presented itself. That always mystified the ex, that this person hadn't tried to get me in bed, but to be honest, just because one guy wants to bed me doesn't mean every guy wants to bed me. For sake of clarity, I shall refer to the kid as K, the other gentleman as C, and my ex as X. (Original, I know.)
C is, as I said, also a colleague. So a couple weeks ago when X texted out of the blue, he asked questions about a musical event that C and I are both involved with. Given X and I also had musical similarities and such, it would seem a normal and reasonable conversation, albeit out of left field. At the time, I thought it odd and wondered if he was trying to find out if C and I had indeed hooked up or something, but I chose to let it go.
My girlfriends weren't so convinced.
Then this past week, X texted again out of the blue, and he directly asked about K. I never told K I was "back on the market." I have no desire to revisit what I had with K. None. So when X asked me "how K was," I replied that I had no idea, but I was sure I had K's number somewhere if X wanted to give him a call.
That earned me the reply of "bitch," which was immediately followed by a :-). That would be X's idea of sassy and "funny" -- and also being a bit of an asshole. Honestly, I wasn't that amused.
In light of that recent text, though, the first one, the one about C, takes on a different slant. All in all, though, why is X concerned about my dating and sex life in the first place? If he wants me to ask about his dating and sex life, it ain't gonna happen. I don't care, not one iota. When it comes to my personal life, he lost any and all rights to that information when he texted me in April saying, "I think we should just be friends." And really, what does he expect me to say when he asks how a rehearsal went? "It went great! C and I had awesome sex afterwards!"
I don't think so.
I wonder if he is really capable of a normal friendship with a woman. X is so sex-driven, I'm not sure he can ever see a woman as something other than a sex object when it comes down to it. The concept of men and women just being friends he struggles with -- hence his difficulty wrapping his brain around my relationship with C.
Whatever. That is over and done with, and as time continues to pass I am realizing more and more that I really am better off without him in my life in any significant way. We've said we'd like to be friends, but I don't know if that will happen because as of late he isn't showing to be the kind of person I'd want to be friends with.
Putting that tiresome subject aside though, we come to another musing. This is one of the age-old dilemmas: how do you let him know you're interested? When are you coming on too strong? When is it not strong enough?
There is a great meme that has been floating around on social media. There are two pictures, one on top of the other. The top picture is an attractive female sitting at a table "opposite" the viewer. She has a sweet smile on her face and her body language is coy and flirtatious but not in-your-face. That panel is captioned, "What a girl thinks is enough to let me know she's interested." The lower panel is a still from Family Guy. It shows a woman laying back on a bed propped up on her elbows, fully clothed yet clearly expecting something. There are runway lights leading up to her slightly spread legs, and an air traffic control person with his glowing directional wands gesturing in her direction. The caption there reads, "What I actually need to know she's interested."
Are men really that clueless with body language? What about men who are more metrosexual, more sensitive to the little things, to details? This whole concept, letting a guy know I'm interested, is something I have always struggled with. Match was great for me, because you aren't on Match to make friends. You are there to DATE. Send a wink, an email, there's no question it's because you are interested or have piqued someone's interest. But in real life...
I rarely put myself in situations such as the proverbial "meat market;" the singles scene of bars and clubs where strangers commonly mingle and flirt. Most of the men I meet (and by most, I mean ALL) I meet through work of some sort. Either they are coworkers, clients, or colleagues on the music "gigging" scene. These are men that I have a professional or otherwise non-romantic relationship with, which makes crossing that line much more difficult. It isn't just the question of possibly sacrificing a good friendship for something more. These guys I have to work with on a regular basis. Being shot down wouldn't just make a friendship awkward for a little while, awkwardness that can often be remedied by some time apart. Making my feelings known and have them not reciprocated would complicate regular if not weekly working relationships.
This isn't just the "you shouldn't date your coworkers" thing. I'm not 100% for or against coworkers dating, and my reason is this: I do believe God has set aside partners for most people, and what if His plan for those people to meet is through work? A good friend met her husband when he came out, as a supervisor, to rectify a home maintenance situation seen to by his company at her home. Yet when there is clearly an ethical reason to not date your coworker -- such as, s/he is your supervisor -- then it should be obvious that dating would be a no-no.
This is where I am at the moment. Previously I've blogged about three guys, then one fell out of the running for several reasons. Of the two that remain, my heart has made it clear to my brain that it has a preference. Now both would be fine with option #2, but there is a consensus on the preference for option #1. I see both options at least once a week for professional reasons, and with option #1 I've been finding myself being almost schizophrenic. I do things that I think are making it clear I'm interested, but then I wonder if I'm coming on too strong, so I back off. But then does backing off make him think I'm actually not interested? Or had he even gotten an impression in the first place that I am interested? Is what I'm doing to signal my interest being perceived by him as little more than me being my usual "sweet and awesome" self? (His words.)
I could blog for pages about the little things in my dealings with option #1. I do mean pages. Boring page after page of all the details that I, a detail-oriented woman, have picked up on, and my thorough and overly-complicated analysis of each detail. Does the fact that he regularly does this mean what I hope it does? Or is it just him being him? But we all shall be spared that, largely because not only do we work together on a regular basis, but we have probably 70 or so friends in common. 70 or so people who may or may not know of this blog or read it, if he himself doesn't. 70 or so people who may contact him and spill my beans. Ergo, I keep the details to myself. I continue to refer to "option #1" and make information as vague as possible while giving my readers a sense of the drama. (In this case, drama is pronounced with the ae, like "cat," in the middle.)
And I continue, with 38 looming in the not-too-distant future, to try to figure out more clearly this bizarre thing called dating.
Disabled dating in UK is becoming a common phenomenon as more and more disabled persons accept their situations and try to live as normal life as possible under the circumstance. However, there is a general tendency to lump all types of disabilities together under one head. However, there are many kinds of disability and each has its own issues and problems when it comes to dating either disabled or normal individuals. For example a person who cannot see will face a different issue than a person with normal eye sight, who can make eye contact,show his or her interest by looking at a person. A blind person cannot start a conversation, engineer social connections through eye contact or gestures and nods. They have to devise some other means to show their interest.
ReplyDeleteNice post...keep posting
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