Dating as an Introvert
Things are moving along just nicely with the newest gentleman. At the conclusion of my last post, he had texted - as promised - and said he'd text later. He did, and we once again texted the evening away. We also set up a coffee date, after much schedule wrangling. We found an hour or so on Thursday to meet at a Starbucks. Not as much time as either of us said we wanted, but a little time was better than no time, we agreed. As we said goodnight, he said he would be in touch "very soon."
So far, I've left initializing contact completely up to him. But if you're a regular reader, you know just how humorously hard that is for me. Last night, dealing with a round of laryngitis, I was "sitting out" in rehearsal - listening, marking my score, etc. while not singing. And oftentimes, bored out of my mind. So of course I texted him. It's the first time I've reached out, and I was rewarded by a response.
It wasn't long into the conversation, though, when he asked a legitimate and yet difficult question: "Why don't you want to talk on the phone before we meet?"
The long and short answer is: because I'm an introvert. Now when most people hear "introvert," they picture someone who is quite shy, perhaps meek, off in a corner, being a wallflower. In actuality, some of the most outgoing and gregarious people you may know are actually introverts. Many actors and other performers are introverts.
"What?!" you say. "Yep," I reply. "But you're a teacher, and a singer, and a worship pastor. You're in front of people all the time. You willingly put yourself out on Match. And this blog - it takes some serious guts to have a blog like this," you respond.
Very true. Let me explain further.
Introverts have no problem being on stage, in front of large groups of people, etc. In fact, most of us are happiest up there, because we don't have to share our innermost selves, and often we are up there as someone else (in character). What we struggle with are one-on-one connections. Small talk, especially with strangers, makes us exceedingly anxious. Too much time in social situations, and we turn off like a light bulb, desiring nothing more than the solace of our home sanctuary, away from other people. While extroverts get energy from being social, for introverts we are drained. We require time alone to recharge our batteries. Think of it this way: extroverts get their personal energy from external sources. Introverts, from internal sources.
So I explained to Mr. E that I was an introvert. Small talk with strangers makes me anxious. Written communication gives me time to consider my response. But I said all this after saying, "I now feel like I know you well enough to talk on the phone." So we texted back and forth about a phone date. I said I'd call him after rehearsal. He expressed concerns about my laryngitis. I feigned hurt. He relented. I called.
We chatted late at night for 45 minutes. It was a very pleasant and comfortable conversation; even the pauses didn't feel awkward. Or maybe that was my insomnia medication kicking in, who knows. I do now know what his voice sounds like: a double-edged sword.
Huh?
His voice is low, deep, rich. He's been tapped for voice-over work and is currently taking some classes to get himself ready for that. He also sounds, vocally, very much like my ex. Very much.
Chances are good he'll call tonight. We've set nothing firm; he's a big planner, it seems, wanting to set up times for texting and talking. Hopefully we'll get past that here soon. My thoughts on that: text when you want. If I'm available, I'll reply. If not, I won't. And I expect the same in return. I suspect he doesn't want to be a pest or come on too strong or anything.
He doesn't know me very well, does he?
I also understand his schedule is challenging, since he has sole custody of both kids. His son goes to a local community college and his daughter is in middle school. It's a busy household that he has worked hard to figure out how to run over the past 3.5 years. (Beyond that, I know nothing about his divorce and I'm fine with that. If and when I need to know, then we'll cross that bridge.)
So he may call tonight. Until then, I have classes to teach and a day to live. But in his words, "I have something to look forward to!"
So far, I've left initializing contact completely up to him. But if you're a regular reader, you know just how humorously hard that is for me. Last night, dealing with a round of laryngitis, I was "sitting out" in rehearsal - listening, marking my score, etc. while not singing. And oftentimes, bored out of my mind. So of course I texted him. It's the first time I've reached out, and I was rewarded by a response.
It wasn't long into the conversation, though, when he asked a legitimate and yet difficult question: "Why don't you want to talk on the phone before we meet?"
The long and short answer is: because I'm an introvert. Now when most people hear "introvert," they picture someone who is quite shy, perhaps meek, off in a corner, being a wallflower. In actuality, some of the most outgoing and gregarious people you may know are actually introverts. Many actors and other performers are introverts.
"What?!" you say. "Yep," I reply. "But you're a teacher, and a singer, and a worship pastor. You're in front of people all the time. You willingly put yourself out on Match. And this blog - it takes some serious guts to have a blog like this," you respond.
Very true. Let me explain further.
Introverts have no problem being on stage, in front of large groups of people, etc. In fact, most of us are happiest up there, because we don't have to share our innermost selves, and often we are up there as someone else (in character). What we struggle with are one-on-one connections. Small talk, especially with strangers, makes us exceedingly anxious. Too much time in social situations, and we turn off like a light bulb, desiring nothing more than the solace of our home sanctuary, away from other people. While extroverts get energy from being social, for introverts we are drained. We require time alone to recharge our batteries. Think of it this way: extroverts get their personal energy from external sources. Introverts, from internal sources.
So I explained to Mr. E that I was an introvert. Small talk with strangers makes me anxious. Written communication gives me time to consider my response. But I said all this after saying, "I now feel like I know you well enough to talk on the phone." So we texted back and forth about a phone date. I said I'd call him after rehearsal. He expressed concerns about my laryngitis. I feigned hurt. He relented. I called.
We chatted late at night for 45 minutes. It was a very pleasant and comfortable conversation; even the pauses didn't feel awkward. Or maybe that was my insomnia medication kicking in, who knows. I do now know what his voice sounds like: a double-edged sword.
Huh?
His voice is low, deep, rich. He's been tapped for voice-over work and is currently taking some classes to get himself ready for that. He also sounds, vocally, very much like my ex. Very much.
Chances are good he'll call tonight. We've set nothing firm; he's a big planner, it seems, wanting to set up times for texting and talking. Hopefully we'll get past that here soon. My thoughts on that: text when you want. If I'm available, I'll reply. If not, I won't. And I expect the same in return. I suspect he doesn't want to be a pest or come on too strong or anything.
He doesn't know me very well, does he?
I also understand his schedule is challenging, since he has sole custody of both kids. His son goes to a local community college and his daughter is in middle school. It's a busy household that he has worked hard to figure out how to run over the past 3.5 years. (Beyond that, I know nothing about his divorce and I'm fine with that. If and when I need to know, then we'll cross that bridge.)
So he may call tonight. Until then, I have classes to teach and a day to live. But in his words, "I have something to look forward to!"
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