The Scammer

Most of you know about this blog from Facebook, so you are probably up-to-date on all my drama. If for some reason you are not, here is a brief recap:

- “met” hot Marine online

- fell hard, and he claimed to as well

- initial background check of Marine was clear

- Marine’s story began to fall apart as he started demanding money

- I called out the Marine on his lies and called off the relationship 

- he began harassing me online & via text, threatening to post NSFW pics of me online and send them to my employers if I didn’t pay him

- I filed a police report, and as per the officer’s instructions told the “Marine” that I had

- harassment escalated (he started using a different phone number); scammer used the word “blackmail”

- scammer has been blocked everywhere he finds me and my online security has been significantly ramped up

- a friend found the REAL Marine in the photos, whose rank and first/last name match what the scammer gave me; my friend contacted the Marine and I reached out to his wife because many of the pictures I was sent came from HER Facebook page

Now those who know me know that I am generally skeptical and cynical, especially when it comes to online dating. So how could I have fallen so easily? Because of my parents’ history, which has never been shared online. While they obviously met long before online dating was a thing, there were many, many parallels between what was happening with me and what happened with them. It made it easier for me to believe that lighting could strike twice. And, he preyed on my faith.

So, I want you all to learn from my fail. Here’s a list of what I did and also where I wasn’t as vigilant as I should have been. We do have military men & women who, like many civilians, are looking for love and companionship. But there are many nefarious people out there who will take advantage of our servicemen & women and the pro-troops stand of our country to bilk people.

1. If someone claims to be military, ask where they are stationed. Call the base — you can find their number on Google easily — and ask for the First Sergeant or Executive Officer and verify that this person is indeed stationed there. I’ve read that up to 90% of military dating profiles are scams.

2. TruthFinder.com and Spokeo.com are two good data mining websites. The fees to get information on someone are a small price to pay for your safety. Granted, the information can be incorrect (TruthFinder had some very weird things for me) and Spokeo allows you to remove your own listing(s). Google reverse image search pictures that are sent to you. Dig and Google.

3. Once they start asking for money, walk away. Don’t look back. Block them.

4. Use outlets for chatting where your entire conversation is archived. Google Hangout will do this. If you have an iPhone, you can set your text messages to never be deleted. (Default setting deletes them after a certain period of time.)

5. Video chat if you’ve never met. Match the person on the other end of the line to the face you’ve been sent. Google Hangout allows this, and Skype is free. If you can take a picture with your cell phone, you can use either to video chat.

6. If you’ve been exchanging racy texts and NSFW pictures, and the person you are chatting with keeps asking for more or demands your face be in the pictures, STOP. They will use those to try to blackmail you.

7. Post any picture you send them of you (clothed) online, on places like Facebook or Instagram. If they’ve stolen someone else’s online identity, this will allow you to defend that you sent a picture that was available online. And depending on the background, possibly even a defense of photoshop for any nudes.

8. The minute you have doubts, that the story isn’t adding up, that something seems off, confront them. Ask and be direct. If you do not get sufficient answers, call it off. Fact check everything. The straw that broke the camel’s back for me and gave me the courage to call the base and do other things was when he was messaging me allegedly from Afghanistan and told me he couldn’t go outside to pee because it was raining. I pulled up the current radar for Afghanistan as we were chatting and there was no rain in the entire country. (Besides, if he was really a Marine, peeing in the rain would not be an issue.)

9. If they send you things but ask you to “keep it secret” or “just between us”, unless it’s a nude pic there’s no reason to comply. Scammers try to separate you from family and friends so you won’t question them and so the friends won’t raise the alarm. I had one friend who was very insistent and I was very defensive. In hindsight, I’m glad she wasn’t afraid to message me and tell me what she did, and I wish I hadn’t been so lovestruck and listened to her earlier.

10. If they ask for gift cards, NO NO NO NO NO. The most common scam is they’ll lure you in, all lovey-dovey, then there’s an emergency of some kind. They need money and they don’t trust Venmo, PayPal, online money transfers. “If you truly love them, you’ll do as they ask.” They promise to repay you. You have to go to the nearest store and buy gift cards (Amazon is the most common), scratch off the code, and send them a picture of it and the receipt. Once you do this, your money is gone. You can add it to the police report as various gift card sites suggest, but since you technically did it willingly the police can’t make a case a crime was committed.  

11. Document everything once it gets fishy. This is something I’m actually good at. Create a Dropbox file and dump screen shots and other photos and information into it.

12. Use Google Voice for texting, and don't tell them it is a Google Voice number. If the connection turns out to be the real thing, the other person will understand. If they get angry that you are using a "fake number", walk away. They want your real information to get dirt on you to use against you or to manipulate you.

Believe it or not, this is just a short list. I made mistakes. He was very handsome and said some really great things. I'm not expecting anything to come from the police report, but I feel better for having done it. This guy has probably scammed dozens of women and maybe they'll find a case-to-case match that will help find this jerk. I don't care about the money; I care that he has defiled the profile of a good Marine and stolen his valor. Semper Fi is literally in my DNA, so don't fuck with the USMC when trying to scam me. And I'm furious that an innocent family's life is being exploited so one person can get their jollies off of getting money out of lonely women.

Be safe out there...