Merry Christmas
If you had told me on Thanksgiving I'd be spending Christmas in my moose onesie with the drop seat (a game changer in onesie pajamas, let me tell you) drinking Jack & sours with Beef Bourguignon simmering away, I wouldn't have disagreed. If you had said I'd be doing it with only the cats, I probably would have looked at you funny.
Yet here we are.
I slept until 11:00, and it was delicious. I'm in my fuzzy moose onesie, and Zen the Cat is next to me on the couch. My third Jack & sour is on the coffee table, and my Beef Bourguignon, this year made with tips of filet mignon thanks to a neighbor, is simmering away and smelling delectable. And I'm alone, as I have been for most of my adult Christmases.
I've never been in a relationship on Christmas, my birthday (which is in 3 days), New Years, or Valentines. I will admit that last night after the festivities of Christmas Eve services were over, I felt a deep loneliness like I haven't felt in a very long time. After all, this was supposed to be a holiday celebrated with TG. We'd made the plans. We'd made plans beyond Christmas. We'd made serious plans.
And all that fell apart like a surprisingly poorly-built bridge in a San Francisco earthquake when his ex called.
But what about MG, you ask? Good question. I spent almost an hour and a half with my parents on the phone today and of course my love life was one of the prime topics discussed. My parents follow me on Facebook although they never post (and I block them from seeing posts about this blog). So where is ____ (they know his name) today?
Short answer: he is with his daughter and dad. Slightly longer answer: it's just been over a week; no need to rush anything.
To bring you up to speed, much has happened since our coffee and pastries date. In a week, we managed to see each other 4 times.
Clearly, this is a better pace -- or at least more frequent -- than with TG.
We met up for lunch on Thursday as scheduled. He introduced me to a pizza place that is legendary in KC, and had an excellent buffet. Unfortunately, the buffet has declined since he was there last and we both agreed that we'd only return if we were ordering a custom pie. Somehow, the selection and quality of the pizzas in the buffet was mediocre at best, and the salad bar left a lot to be desired. Afterward, we went to another KC staple, this time a bakery. He promised "more sweets and options" than our first date. However, when one gets to a bakery at almost 2:00 pm, the selection is going to be... lousy. I ended up getting a "monster cookie" which was gluten free and I suspect marginally healthy. The main ingredients were oat bran and peanut butter. And chocolate candies. I'm not a big peanut butter fan, but this was a excellent cookie, all things considering. As I told him, I'd get it again but I wouldn't necessarily crave it.
That date ended with some hand-holding and an enthusiastic kiss. Oh, yeah.
The next morning he, as usual, started blowing up my phone early. It was the first day of my holiday break and I was sleeping in. Or, at least trying to. Breakfast? Coffee? Sweets? He was on a tight schedule -- behind at work because he'd been taking care of a sick parent and his daughter only had a half day at school, but he wanted to see me. So we met at yet another bakery where this time I disappointed him by only ordering one pastry.
Let's be clear. I have a health condition where I need to watch my sweets, and I've told him as much. I also feel guilty when a guy is constantly spending money on me, which is what he is doing. I haven't been able to articulate that to him yet. Maybe once the holidays are behind us I'll be able to. I've dropped a couple of hints, but sometimes you have to be direct.
Also in defense of my ordering only one sweet: I had looked at their menu online and had even told him I wanted two specific items. Originally he was going to get there early and have everything ready for me but I ended up beating him there. And they didn't have one of the things I wanted. However, I do highly recommend their blueberry scone. It's packed with blueberries, and just the right amount of sweet to cake to dense ratio. This bakery specializes in "British" foods, and I'd give them a big thumbs up for their scones. (And I've had scones made by someone from Britain before.)
Because I hadn't fulfilled his expectations with the sweets, I only got a hug and a perfunctory kiss at the end. Hmmm.
That didn't stop him from texting a lot over the weekend. Monday we went to lunch again. This time, I was utilizing my free birthday burger from Red Robin, and it finally gave me time to show him I'd rather eat meat and potatoes than sweets -- which I'd been saying all along. Once again, we were both on a bit of a time crunch. It was Christmas Eve and we both were behind on shopping, and stores were only going to be open so late. Still, we would say "oh, I need to get going" and then talk for another 15 minutes, which I take as a positive sign.
While that date ended with two -- yes, two -- sweet and slightly hot kisses, since then he hasn't been quite blowing up my phone. But that's okay, because it's Christmas and he's been making other subtle changes. He's gone from referring to "women he's dated" to "former girlfriends". When I teased him about getting together with a mutual friend for a drink to get some inside information on him, he replied, "we're just friends. She doesn't know anything!"
Now this is kind of a big deal. This mutual friend is stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. When we tried dating the first time around, we would talk about her a lot. Her beauty. Her talent. I told him she had said they had never dated and his response was, "but we've kissed!". This time around, he rarely if ever mentions her.
Hmmm.
Among other things that make me go "hmmm" is while we have this cute little game about "earning points" and "coachings" (he's my "food coach") I've been told he's looking forward to at least a year of coachings and is ready to schedule "private coachings" and has sent me pictures of the expensive candy he's bought for me and wants to feed me. This coming from someone who told me he moves very slowly in dating. He also "isn't interested in taking other 'clients'" and is very focused on just me.
So where am I? That's a good question. I certainly find him attractive and intellectually interesting. He lavishes attention on me, which is something I honestly can't say I got from TG. His custody schedule with his daughter as well as his work schedule are something we can work with. I don't have the same intense feelings for him I did the first time we tried dating, but perhaps that's a good thing. I've been burned twice recently. My heart is definitely under lock and key right now. We are definitely taking our time, and I do want to get to know him better. Honestly, this is probably the pace a relationship should go at, but I've had so many that have been instantaneous sparks (which have subsequently burned out quickly) that I probably don't know what a "normal" pace is. And he clearly wants to do the majority of the chasing, so I'm letting him.
There's a lot that is unknown. There's a lot I have to figure out, whenever I feel the need to do so. For now, I'm enjoying the ride greatly and seeing where it goes.
Yet here we are.
I slept until 11:00, and it was delicious. I'm in my fuzzy moose onesie, and Zen the Cat is next to me on the couch. My third Jack & sour is on the coffee table, and my Beef Bourguignon, this year made with tips of filet mignon thanks to a neighbor, is simmering away and smelling delectable. And I'm alone, as I have been for most of my adult Christmases.
I've never been in a relationship on Christmas, my birthday (which is in 3 days), New Years, or Valentines. I will admit that last night after the festivities of Christmas Eve services were over, I felt a deep loneliness like I haven't felt in a very long time. After all, this was supposed to be a holiday celebrated with TG. We'd made the plans. We'd made plans beyond Christmas. We'd made serious plans.
And all that fell apart like a surprisingly poorly-built bridge in a San Francisco earthquake when his ex called.
But what about MG, you ask? Good question. I spent almost an hour and a half with my parents on the phone today and of course my love life was one of the prime topics discussed. My parents follow me on Facebook although they never post (and I block them from seeing posts about this blog). So where is ____ (they know his name) today?
Short answer: he is with his daughter and dad. Slightly longer answer: it's just been over a week; no need to rush anything.
To bring you up to speed, much has happened since our coffee and pastries date. In a week, we managed to see each other 4 times.
Clearly, this is a better pace -- or at least more frequent -- than with TG.
We met up for lunch on Thursday as scheduled. He introduced me to a pizza place that is legendary in KC, and had an excellent buffet. Unfortunately, the buffet has declined since he was there last and we both agreed that we'd only return if we were ordering a custom pie. Somehow, the selection and quality of the pizzas in the buffet was mediocre at best, and the salad bar left a lot to be desired. Afterward, we went to another KC staple, this time a bakery. He promised "more sweets and options" than our first date. However, when one gets to a bakery at almost 2:00 pm, the selection is going to be... lousy. I ended up getting a "monster cookie" which was gluten free and I suspect marginally healthy. The main ingredients were oat bran and peanut butter. And chocolate candies. I'm not a big peanut butter fan, but this was a excellent cookie, all things considering. As I told him, I'd get it again but I wouldn't necessarily crave it.
That date ended with some hand-holding and an enthusiastic kiss. Oh, yeah.
The next morning he, as usual, started blowing up my phone early. It was the first day of my holiday break and I was sleeping in. Or, at least trying to. Breakfast? Coffee? Sweets? He was on a tight schedule -- behind at work because he'd been taking care of a sick parent and his daughter only had a half day at school, but he wanted to see me. So we met at yet another bakery where this time I disappointed him by only ordering one pastry.
Let's be clear. I have a health condition where I need to watch my sweets, and I've told him as much. I also feel guilty when a guy is constantly spending money on me, which is what he is doing. I haven't been able to articulate that to him yet. Maybe once the holidays are behind us I'll be able to. I've dropped a couple of hints, but sometimes you have to be direct.
Also in defense of my ordering only one sweet: I had looked at their menu online and had even told him I wanted two specific items. Originally he was going to get there early and have everything ready for me but I ended up beating him there. And they didn't have one of the things I wanted. However, I do highly recommend their blueberry scone. It's packed with blueberries, and just the right amount of sweet to cake to dense ratio. This bakery specializes in "British" foods, and I'd give them a big thumbs up for their scones. (And I've had scones made by someone from Britain before.)
Because I hadn't fulfilled his expectations with the sweets, I only got a hug and a perfunctory kiss at the end. Hmmm.
That didn't stop him from texting a lot over the weekend. Monday we went to lunch again. This time, I was utilizing my free birthday burger from Red Robin, and it finally gave me time to show him I'd rather eat meat and potatoes than sweets -- which I'd been saying all along. Once again, we were both on a bit of a time crunch. It was Christmas Eve and we both were behind on shopping, and stores were only going to be open so late. Still, we would say "oh, I need to get going" and then talk for another 15 minutes, which I take as a positive sign.
While that date ended with two -- yes, two -- sweet and slightly hot kisses, since then he hasn't been quite blowing up my phone. But that's okay, because it's Christmas and he's been making other subtle changes. He's gone from referring to "women he's dated" to "former girlfriends". When I teased him about getting together with a mutual friend for a drink to get some inside information on him, he replied, "we're just friends. She doesn't know anything!"
Now this is kind of a big deal. This mutual friend is stunning. Absolutely gorgeous. When we tried dating the first time around, we would talk about her a lot. Her beauty. Her talent. I told him she had said they had never dated and his response was, "but we've kissed!". This time around, he rarely if ever mentions her.
Hmmm.
Among other things that make me go "hmmm" is while we have this cute little game about "earning points" and "coachings" (he's my "food coach") I've been told he's looking forward to at least a year of coachings and is ready to schedule "private coachings" and has sent me pictures of the expensive candy he's bought for me and wants to feed me. This coming from someone who told me he moves very slowly in dating. He also "isn't interested in taking other 'clients'" and is very focused on just me.
So where am I? That's a good question. I certainly find him attractive and intellectually interesting. He lavishes attention on me, which is something I honestly can't say I got from TG. His custody schedule with his daughter as well as his work schedule are something we can work with. I don't have the same intense feelings for him I did the first time we tried dating, but perhaps that's a good thing. I've been burned twice recently. My heart is definitely under lock and key right now. We are definitely taking our time, and I do want to get to know him better. Honestly, this is probably the pace a relationship should go at, but I've had so many that have been instantaneous sparks (which have subsequently burned out quickly) that I probably don't know what a "normal" pace is. And he clearly wants to do the majority of the chasing, so I'm letting him.
There's a lot that is unknown. There's a lot I have to figure out, whenever I feel the need to do so. For now, I'm enjoying the ride greatly and seeing where it goes.
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