Rolling with the Confusion
Welcome back, sports fans!
In the last update episode, "Larry" (not his real name) and I had agreed to be friends, and even friends with benefits. He had spent the night. I was calling him -- on this blog -- weird for still using terms of affection with me. Things were left open-ended.
That was a week and a half, and yet a lifetime ago.
Since then, I've met more of his friends. I've been to his house, met his roommates. We text daily, frequently. He's been over a couple of times since the last post. In fact, when he left at 6:30 this morning, we were coming off spending just shy of 36 non-stop hours together. Two nights and a full day.
He and I work in the same basic industry, and as such our schedules are somewhat inconsistent. We both get two days off per week, but there's little stability in which days those are. His hours are set, always the same the days he works. Mine are not, both in what hours I work and how many. He has one consistent day off each week -- Sunday -- and then can generally choose on little notice what his second day is. My schedule is set by another person, and if I want a specific day off I have to ask for it at least a month in advance or convince a co-worker to trade shifts with me somehow.
All this to say, I had yesterday and today off. Yesterday I was receiving a delivery of furniture for my dining room, furniture that would need assembly. I asked if he was available to help me. He specifically took the day off just for that, just for me. He came over the night before because I had a feeling the delivery would happen early the next morning (although in hindsight he didn't really need to be there when the delivery happened). We had dinner, played our nerd games, went to bed. The next day we survived assembling IKEA furniture.
Side note: two major tests to any friendship, relationship, etc. are shopping together at IKEA, and assembling anything purchased from IKEA. I'm a bit of a pro at IKEA assembly, and this dining room table was a PITA.
Based on experiences with other guys, guys I've been in relationships with, days off are time to be protected. We work a lot. Our downtime is something we take very seriously. I had no idea what his plans for the day were after the furniture was finally assembled by 11:00, and frankly I expected him to be like, "hey, this was fun, but I need me time." We ended up spending the entire day together. We ran errands. We talked and laughed. We enjoyed each other's company. We watched movies. He spent the night again.
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
But really, this isn't the confusion I'm rolling with. I'm used to the "Public: Just Friends, Private: Lovers" lifestyle, as sad as that may be. My confusion comes from the frequent phrases from him like, "did you think you'd ever be dating..." and then something about himself. Are we "dating" again? I know he's still on Tinder, but they're "just conversations" and I trust him. I know for a fact he hasn't been on any dates, just time with me. The man, after a night where I was really struggling with my depression, took me out for a prime rib dinner to try to help cheer me up. "Dating" doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity.
I don't think he knows what he wants, really, and I've probably said that before. I think he has some concepts and expectations of love and relationships that aren't completely realistic. So I'm finding myself confused. To the outsider, to those who don't know him, you might think I'm being used again. I assure you, especially after a second email exchange with "D" recently, that "Larry" couldn't be farther from that. The thing is, I'm content with whatever this is right now. He's a great guy with some issues, and I'm a pretty decent gal with some issues. We get each other, and we're learning just how much we really do. If we're to be the "slow burn" we once said we wanted to be, this is probably the best way for us to be going.
And so continues the days of my life...
In the last update episode, "Larry" (not his real name) and I had agreed to be friends, and even friends with benefits. He had spent the night. I was calling him -- on this blog -- weird for still using terms of affection with me. Things were left open-ended.
That was a week and a half, and yet a lifetime ago.
Since then, I've met more of his friends. I've been to his house, met his roommates. We text daily, frequently. He's been over a couple of times since the last post. In fact, when he left at 6:30 this morning, we were coming off spending just shy of 36 non-stop hours together. Two nights and a full day.
He and I work in the same basic industry, and as such our schedules are somewhat inconsistent. We both get two days off per week, but there's little stability in which days those are. His hours are set, always the same the days he works. Mine are not, both in what hours I work and how many. He has one consistent day off each week -- Sunday -- and then can generally choose on little notice what his second day is. My schedule is set by another person, and if I want a specific day off I have to ask for it at least a month in advance or convince a co-worker to trade shifts with me somehow.
All this to say, I had yesterday and today off. Yesterday I was receiving a delivery of furniture for my dining room, furniture that would need assembly. I asked if he was available to help me. He specifically took the day off just for that, just for me. He came over the night before because I had a feeling the delivery would happen early the next morning (although in hindsight he didn't really need to be there when the delivery happened). We had dinner, played our nerd games, went to bed. The next day we survived assembling IKEA furniture.
Side note: two major tests to any friendship, relationship, etc. are shopping together at IKEA, and assembling anything purchased from IKEA. I'm a bit of a pro at IKEA assembly, and this dining room table was a PITA.
Based on experiences with other guys, guys I've been in relationships with, days off are time to be protected. We work a lot. Our downtime is something we take very seriously. I had no idea what his plans for the day were after the furniture was finally assembled by 11:00, and frankly I expected him to be like, "hey, this was fun, but I need me time." We ended up spending the entire day together. We ran errands. We talked and laughed. We enjoyed each other's company. We watched movies. He spent the night again.
If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck...
But really, this isn't the confusion I'm rolling with. I'm used to the "Public: Just Friends, Private: Lovers" lifestyle, as sad as that may be. My confusion comes from the frequent phrases from him like, "did you think you'd ever be dating..." and then something about himself. Are we "dating" again? I know he's still on Tinder, but they're "just conversations" and I trust him. I know for a fact he hasn't been on any dates, just time with me. The man, after a night where I was really struggling with my depression, took me out for a prime rib dinner to try to help cheer me up. "Dating" doesn't necessarily mean exclusivity.
I don't think he knows what he wants, really, and I've probably said that before. I think he has some concepts and expectations of love and relationships that aren't completely realistic. So I'm finding myself confused. To the outsider, to those who don't know him, you might think I'm being used again. I assure you, especially after a second email exchange with "D" recently, that "Larry" couldn't be farther from that. The thing is, I'm content with whatever this is right now. He's a great guy with some issues, and I'm a pretty decent gal with some issues. We get each other, and we're learning just how much we really do. If we're to be the "slow burn" we once said we wanted to be, this is probably the best way for us to be going.
And so continues the days of my life...
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