Ugggggh...
Really, I don't know what to title this blog post. But "ugggggggh" is very much how I'm feeling right now. So I'll just lay out what is going on, and then you all can join me in the "uggggggh" chorus.
I think on this blog I called him MG, or Match Guy. To recap, we went on a couple dates. I was more into him than he was into me and after date #2 that was that. Then I met someone else, got into a relationship, that ended, and MG started texting again. We went on a few dates that were nebulous, then I got sick. Since then, it's only been texting (and also blowing up my FB messenger, which we've had a few conversations about). He's suggested plans only to not follow through. A common friend thinks he's on the spectrum and I tend to agree. Well, today he finally followed through on plans and we're meeting for dinner at 5:00.
So why the "ugggggggh"? A couple months ago we agreed we were just friends. Today, when he mentioned another friend I said, "oh, she's like me. Just friends!" His response was, "what, you don't want to date me?"
Darling, that ship has already sailed. We can be friends and do friend things, but frankly, you're not quite right in the head. And I have bad enough luck with men as it is, so I don't need to be dating someone so socially awkward.
So anyway, we're meeting for dinner and dessert at 5:00. As just. friends.
Meanwhile, my Google Hangout account specifically for Tinder folks has been going bonkers again. One of the guys who ghosted me is chatting again. This one... I don't know what to think. After the stalker, I'm very leery of men whose English isn't very good. This one immigrated from Denmark, where English is actually not a common language. I've seen red flags and I've seen promising signs. I'm jaded, I admit. He has a construction consulting firm and is currently in CA on business, but should be back in KS within a couple weeks.
Problem numero uno: he lives halfway across the state.
Problem numero dos: for a first meet he suggested my place. Hell to the no, buckaroo. I'll split the difference in driving, or you can get a hotel room. But my first meets are ALWAYS at a neutral location. Only twice have I even gotten into a guy's car at the start of the date, and we met at a neutral location.
I really don't know what to make of this one. He seems like a good guy, and the pictures are certainly attractive. But I've also been burned before -- big time. So I'm taking it slow and slowing him down at the same time.
Meanwhile, I can't yet bring myself to download Tinder again, let alone set up another month's membership. I should, I know. Bouncing back into that is usually the best way for me to get past someone. I think it's the part of me that loves revenge, what can I say. And part of me just want to focus on my friends and get my head space back in the right area.
As an act of closure (sorta), I did message the last one. Told him I didn't think talking would be productive because I might say things that come from a place of hurt and anger, and that would benefit no one. I did tell him, in much kinder words, to get over the fact that I have a college degree (2.9, actually) and he doesn't, and that appearing to have one's shit together and actually having one's shit together are two separate things. I told him I genuinely wished him to find whatever it was he was looking for, hopefully it wasn't at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol (I'm really concerned about his drinking), and that whether he believed it or not, he is a good guy -- he just needs to learn to love himself first. We will eventually be friends again. Let's face it, almost the exact same thing happened with D, and after a 6 month or so hiatus we ended up together for almost 3 years. 3 often rough and yet often great years, admittedly. The connection I felt was more cerebral than sexual, not that the sex wasn't good. It's just been rare that I've connected with someone who I felt was not only equivalent to me but in many ways superior to me in intellect. That and his affectionate nature are what I miss the most right now.
In the interim, I'm reading a book recommended to me by a friend, trying to keep my outdoor plants alive in this oppressive heat, rolling with the job changes, and trying to motivate myself to start turning this blog into a book.
I think on this blog I called him MG, or Match Guy. To recap, we went on a couple dates. I was more into him than he was into me and after date #2 that was that. Then I met someone else, got into a relationship, that ended, and MG started texting again. We went on a few dates that were nebulous, then I got sick. Since then, it's only been texting (and also blowing up my FB messenger, which we've had a few conversations about). He's suggested plans only to not follow through. A common friend thinks he's on the spectrum and I tend to agree. Well, today he finally followed through on plans and we're meeting for dinner at 5:00.
So why the "ugggggggh"? A couple months ago we agreed we were just friends. Today, when he mentioned another friend I said, "oh, she's like me. Just friends!" His response was, "what, you don't want to date me?"
Darling, that ship has already sailed. We can be friends and do friend things, but frankly, you're not quite right in the head. And I have bad enough luck with men as it is, so I don't need to be dating someone so socially awkward.
So anyway, we're meeting for dinner and dessert at 5:00. As just. friends.
Meanwhile, my Google Hangout account specifically for Tinder folks has been going bonkers again. One of the guys who ghosted me is chatting again. This one... I don't know what to think. After the stalker, I'm very leery of men whose English isn't very good. This one immigrated from Denmark, where English is actually not a common language. I've seen red flags and I've seen promising signs. I'm jaded, I admit. He has a construction consulting firm and is currently in CA on business, but should be back in KS within a couple weeks.
Problem numero uno: he lives halfway across the state.
Problem numero dos: for a first meet he suggested my place. Hell to the no, buckaroo. I'll split the difference in driving, or you can get a hotel room. But my first meets are ALWAYS at a neutral location. Only twice have I even gotten into a guy's car at the start of the date, and we met at a neutral location.
I really don't know what to make of this one. He seems like a good guy, and the pictures are certainly attractive. But I've also been burned before -- big time. So I'm taking it slow and slowing him down at the same time.
Meanwhile, I can't yet bring myself to download Tinder again, let alone set up another month's membership. I should, I know. Bouncing back into that is usually the best way for me to get past someone. I think it's the part of me that loves revenge, what can I say. And part of me just want to focus on my friends and get my head space back in the right area.
As an act of closure (sorta), I did message the last one. Told him I didn't think talking would be productive because I might say things that come from a place of hurt and anger, and that would benefit no one. I did tell him, in much kinder words, to get over the fact that I have a college degree (2.9, actually) and he doesn't, and that appearing to have one's shit together and actually having one's shit together are two separate things. I told him I genuinely wished him to find whatever it was he was looking for, hopefully it wasn't at the bottom of a bottle of alcohol (I'm really concerned about his drinking), and that whether he believed it or not, he is a good guy -- he just needs to learn to love himself first. We will eventually be friends again. Let's face it, almost the exact same thing happened with D, and after a 6 month or so hiatus we ended up together for almost 3 years. 3 often rough and yet often great years, admittedly. The connection I felt was more cerebral than sexual, not that the sex wasn't good. It's just been rare that I've connected with someone who I felt was not only equivalent to me but in many ways superior to me in intellect. That and his affectionate nature are what I miss the most right now.
In the interim, I'm reading a book recommended to me by a friend, trying to keep my outdoor plants alive in this oppressive heat, rolling with the job changes, and trying to motivate myself to start turning this blog into a book.
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