Tinder, Part 2
So it has now been a week since I reactivated Match and also joined Tinder. And good Lord in heaven above, what a week.
This past week, I set up 2 Tinder dates and canceled both. One was understanding. The other got angry. The latter had already been sending messages about how he was thinking I might be "the one" and other things that had me thinking he'd fallen too hard too fast already. We hadn't even met yet. I was honest with him why I was canceling the date. Apparently my honesty wasn't appreciated and his response started with "So you're dumping me before you've even met me?"
How can you "dump" someone you aren't dating? That you haven't even met in person? And if that's going to be your response, then I'm glad I canceled on you. One stalker is enough.
I did have a date off of Match, with a second follow-up date. He's a great guy, and that's all I'm going to publicly say on the matter.
Last night I impulsively met up with a guy from Tinder. It was a chilly, rainy night and we both just wanted someone to hang out with. We watched some college football (Alabama v. LSU, which was much more boring than it should have been) and compared Tinder experiences. He's hoping to relocate fairly soon and is looking for a friend with possible benefits; I don't think I want to renew my cougar card. But still it was interesting seeing the other side.
In my week on Tinder, I've racked up to close to 1,000 likes -- as in guys who "swiped right" on me. I even had my profile hidden for 24 hours. Weeding through those can be a full-time job, and while I've done A LOT of swiping left, I still have 500+ to go. I thought after over 6 years of on and off online dating I'd seen it all.
Ha.
In my last post I described Tinder as a veritable meat market. That may have been the understatement of the decade. I've been hit on by couples looking for a third who have included pictures of both of them semi- or completely nude. I've been hit on by guys proudly displaying their erect junk. I've been hit on by guys in "open relationships" (and a few not open) wanting a side chick. I've had messages that didn't start with "Hey" or "Hi" or anything like that, but "Are you into rough sex?" I've learned I have to be direct in asking what they are looking for, because it turns out many just want to hook up.
There has never been a shortage of ways to find someone for a quick, one-night encounter on the internet. Tinder has made it even easier. And while I'm racking up a lengthy dry spell, I've never been one for hook ups. Sure, I've done one or two. And, I found the experience unfulfilling. Usually the sex is terrible and I just end up feeling like ... meat. For me, sexual attraction isn't just about a hot body or good looking face. It starts in my mind. If there isn't an intellectual and personality connection, the attraction just isn't there.
The biggest trap for me right now is being lonely. I bury myself in work to keep my mind off the fact that I'm missing having a companion. I recognize this about myself; Brene Brown calls it one of life's "coping mechanisms" along with other "addictions" such as food, alcohol, and exercise. I've lived in my city for 13 years, and I learned yesterday that there is SO MUCH I do not know about and have never experienced, and much of that has been because I'm not one to do things alone and I haven't had a companion to do them with. It also makes for awkward moments on dates when I'm asked, "have you been to <tourist attraction>" and my answer is "no". Alone for so much of my life, I'm a hermit. I read. I crochet. I watch documentaries and the like on Netflix. I pet my cats and play mental puzzles online, in books, and on my Xbox. I have some great friends, but because of schedules our interactions are often limited to texts and the occasional meeting up for tacos & drinks. Being an introvert, when I get invited to large gatherings I often don't go, or I don't stay long.
And I wonder why I'm single.
Sure, the attention on Tinder is flattering, even if people are only looking at me as a sexual object. When I was chatting last night with the guy I met up with, he was shocked at the number of "likes" I had -- not because he didn't think I was worthy of them, but because guys don't get the same amount of attention. Most everyone who reads this blog knows about my stalker/scammer. Apparently Tinder is rife with women looking for money. They're doing it for free dinners and drinks, and eventually additional money. Serial daters, as a friend of mine calls them.
That's not who I am. Do I enjoy it when a gentleman wants to pay for dinner or lunch or the drinks? Sure. Do I expect it? No. I'd rather fight over which of us gets to pay the check than be expecting to be taken care of. Better yet, I'm perfectly happy going on a date where money doesn't have to be involved, or minimally at best. Let's spend a few hours in the Nelson or the Kemper, and maybe enjoy a cup of coffee or a beverage. If it's a beautiful day, let's go to Powell Gardens.
So right now I'm just going to relax and see what happens in the next couple of weeks. I'll probably end up hiding my Tinder again because that's a lot of frogs to dig through. I have some friends who have met their significant others on Tinder, so I know it's a possibility. I also have friends who met their SOs on Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Words With Friends (yes), and heaven only knows where else online. I even know a couple that met through the personals on The Onion, a satire news site.
Bottom line, if I want the real thing, I have to take it slowly. Jumping in too fast too soon has burned me more than once. Just because I'm lonely for companionship doesn't mean I have to push things to happen RIGHT NOW.
Besides, right now, I have to go get ready for work anyway.
This past week, I set up 2 Tinder dates and canceled both. One was understanding. The other got angry. The latter had already been sending messages about how he was thinking I might be "the one" and other things that had me thinking he'd fallen too hard too fast already. We hadn't even met yet. I was honest with him why I was canceling the date. Apparently my honesty wasn't appreciated and his response started with "So you're dumping me before you've even met me?"
How can you "dump" someone you aren't dating? That you haven't even met in person? And if that's going to be your response, then I'm glad I canceled on you. One stalker is enough.
I did have a date off of Match, with a second follow-up date. He's a great guy, and that's all I'm going to publicly say on the matter.
Last night I impulsively met up with a guy from Tinder. It was a chilly, rainy night and we both just wanted someone to hang out with. We watched some college football (Alabama v. LSU, which was much more boring than it should have been) and compared Tinder experiences. He's hoping to relocate fairly soon and is looking for a friend with possible benefits; I don't think I want to renew my cougar card. But still it was interesting seeing the other side.
In my week on Tinder, I've racked up to close to 1,000 likes -- as in guys who "swiped right" on me. I even had my profile hidden for 24 hours. Weeding through those can be a full-time job, and while I've done A LOT of swiping left, I still have 500+ to go. I thought after over 6 years of on and off online dating I'd seen it all.
Ha.
In my last post I described Tinder as a veritable meat market. That may have been the understatement of the decade. I've been hit on by couples looking for a third who have included pictures of both of them semi- or completely nude. I've been hit on by guys proudly displaying their erect junk. I've been hit on by guys in "open relationships" (and a few not open) wanting a side chick. I've had messages that didn't start with "Hey" or "Hi" or anything like that, but "Are you into rough sex?" I've learned I have to be direct in asking what they are looking for, because it turns out many just want to hook up.
There has never been a shortage of ways to find someone for a quick, one-night encounter on the internet. Tinder has made it even easier. And while I'm racking up a lengthy dry spell, I've never been one for hook ups. Sure, I've done one or two. And, I found the experience unfulfilling. Usually the sex is terrible and I just end up feeling like ... meat. For me, sexual attraction isn't just about a hot body or good looking face. It starts in my mind. If there isn't an intellectual and personality connection, the attraction just isn't there.
The biggest trap for me right now is being lonely. I bury myself in work to keep my mind off the fact that I'm missing having a companion. I recognize this about myself; Brene Brown calls it one of life's "coping mechanisms" along with other "addictions" such as food, alcohol, and exercise. I've lived in my city for 13 years, and I learned yesterday that there is SO MUCH I do not know about and have never experienced, and much of that has been because I'm not one to do things alone and I haven't had a companion to do them with. It also makes for awkward moments on dates when I'm asked, "have you been to <tourist attraction>" and my answer is "no". Alone for so much of my life, I'm a hermit. I read. I crochet. I watch documentaries and the like on Netflix. I pet my cats and play mental puzzles online, in books, and on my Xbox. I have some great friends, but because of schedules our interactions are often limited to texts and the occasional meeting up for tacos & drinks. Being an introvert, when I get invited to large gatherings I often don't go, or I don't stay long.
And I wonder why I'm single.
Sure, the attention on Tinder is flattering, even if people are only looking at me as a sexual object. When I was chatting last night with the guy I met up with, he was shocked at the number of "likes" I had -- not because he didn't think I was worthy of them, but because guys don't get the same amount of attention. Most everyone who reads this blog knows about my stalker/scammer. Apparently Tinder is rife with women looking for money. They're doing it for free dinners and drinks, and eventually additional money. Serial daters, as a friend of mine calls them.
That's not who I am. Do I enjoy it when a gentleman wants to pay for dinner or lunch or the drinks? Sure. Do I expect it? No. I'd rather fight over which of us gets to pay the check than be expecting to be taken care of. Better yet, I'm perfectly happy going on a date where money doesn't have to be involved, or minimally at best. Let's spend a few hours in the Nelson or the Kemper, and maybe enjoy a cup of coffee or a beverage. If it's a beautiful day, let's go to Powell Gardens.
So right now I'm just going to relax and see what happens in the next couple of weeks. I'll probably end up hiding my Tinder again because that's a lot of frogs to dig through. I have some friends who have met their significant others on Tinder, so I know it's a possibility. I also have friends who met their SOs on Match, OKCupid, Plenty of Fish, Words With Friends (yes), and heaven only knows where else online. I even know a couple that met through the personals on The Onion, a satire news site.
Bottom line, if I want the real thing, I have to take it slowly. Jumping in too fast too soon has burned me more than once. Just because I'm lonely for companionship doesn't mean I have to push things to happen RIGHT NOW.
Besides, right now, I have to go get ready for work anyway.
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