Bachelor #1 - T
T is, honestly, the reason I finally joined this website. I posted a profile -- free to anyone -- several months ago but never spent any time checking out my "matches" and never received any interest from anyone I was reciprocally interested in. T's profile changed that enough, along with an email from the site with a great price, for me to sign on the dotted line. Or at least, fork over my credit card information.
Based on his profile, he wasn't necessarily "my type." His pictures showed a kind of rocker-looking guy, with longish hair, bandanas, very California looking. He'd recently returned to KC after being in a metro area that I knew to be fun and fairly liberal. His profile made him out to be self-assured, confident, maybe even a little bit cocky. His subsequent communiques were the same way. In our chatting, he was the first to share his name, his private email address, his phone number... and the first to ask me out on a date.
So far, all promising signs!
Well, hindsight is 20/20, and admittedly I'm starting this blog 8 days after our date.
Up through the actual scheduling of the date, he was taking the role of the alpha male. In spite of having a pretty strong personality, this is something I appreciate. I do have a bit of an old-fashioned streak and genuinely appreciate men who take initiative. Then things started to turn in a different direction.
After several emails and text messages, we agreed on a time - 5:00 - and a place, a modern Asian-fusion restaurant in a popular shopping area that was hosting a festival that weekend. Very public. Lots of people. Safe. I was running a few minutes late and told him so. He was cool with that.
He was 30 minutes late. And he didn't know where the restaurant was, even though he'd suggested it.
When we finally met, I knew from the first moment it wasn't going to go anywhere. He was meek, shy even, introverted. He listed his body type as "athletic and toned," even joking about the "obligatory shirtless photo," but apparently it was because "scrawny, yet with some muscle tone" isn't an option. And I think listing his height at 5'8" was generous. Yes, I was in my to-be-expected heels, but next to him I felt like a freaking amazon. And I'm 5'3".
The conversation was interesting, once it got going, but I had to work way too hard to draw him out. He was (well, I should probably say "is") very intelligent and ultimately articulate, but not an instinctive conversationalist. We had similar backgrounds in education and music, so there was plenty of safe ground to talk about. But every time the conversation lulled, it was my responsibility to get it back on track.
Incidentally, he's taught several college courses on Interpersonal Communication.
2 hours of talking and picking at appetizers while downing some Boulevard Wheat, and we called it an evening. We didn't check out the festival. He sent out a tentative feeler about the next night and my plans; I not so tentatively shot him down. We haven't communicated since, and I'm perfectly okay with that.
LESSONS FROM THIS DATE:
1. There is a fine line between creating an online profile that makes you interesting to other people, and writing one that makes you out to be someone you aren't.
2. If you have dietary restrictions -- in this case, are a pescatarian (vegetarian that eats fish) -- it's probably a good idea to disclose that before suggesting food as a date.
3. If you pick the restaurant, pick one that you are familiar with -- or at least can find without being 30 minutes late.
4. It is not a good idea to disclose on a first date that your sister will not let her two sons hang out with "Uncle T" alone. If your sister doesn't apparently trust you, why should I?
Based on his profile, he wasn't necessarily "my type." His pictures showed a kind of rocker-looking guy, with longish hair, bandanas, very California looking. He'd recently returned to KC after being in a metro area that I knew to be fun and fairly liberal. His profile made him out to be self-assured, confident, maybe even a little bit cocky. His subsequent communiques were the same way. In our chatting, he was the first to share his name, his private email address, his phone number... and the first to ask me out on a date.
So far, all promising signs!
Well, hindsight is 20/20, and admittedly I'm starting this blog 8 days after our date.
Up through the actual scheduling of the date, he was taking the role of the alpha male. In spite of having a pretty strong personality, this is something I appreciate. I do have a bit of an old-fashioned streak and genuinely appreciate men who take initiative. Then things started to turn in a different direction.
After several emails and text messages, we agreed on a time - 5:00 - and a place, a modern Asian-fusion restaurant in a popular shopping area that was hosting a festival that weekend. Very public. Lots of people. Safe. I was running a few minutes late and told him so. He was cool with that.
He was 30 minutes late. And he didn't know where the restaurant was, even though he'd suggested it.
When we finally met, I knew from the first moment it wasn't going to go anywhere. He was meek, shy even, introverted. He listed his body type as "athletic and toned," even joking about the "obligatory shirtless photo," but apparently it was because "scrawny, yet with some muscle tone" isn't an option. And I think listing his height at 5'8" was generous. Yes, I was in my to-be-expected heels, but next to him I felt like a freaking amazon. And I'm 5'3".
The conversation was interesting, once it got going, but I had to work way too hard to draw him out. He was (well, I should probably say "is") very intelligent and ultimately articulate, but not an instinctive conversationalist. We had similar backgrounds in education and music, so there was plenty of safe ground to talk about. But every time the conversation lulled, it was my responsibility to get it back on track.
Incidentally, he's taught several college courses on Interpersonal Communication.
2 hours of talking and picking at appetizers while downing some Boulevard Wheat, and we called it an evening. We didn't check out the festival. He sent out a tentative feeler about the next night and my plans; I not so tentatively shot him down. We haven't communicated since, and I'm perfectly okay with that.
LESSONS FROM THIS DATE:
1. There is a fine line between creating an online profile that makes you interesting to other people, and writing one that makes you out to be someone you aren't.
2. If you have dietary restrictions -- in this case, are a pescatarian (vegetarian that eats fish) -- it's probably a good idea to disclose that before suggesting food as a date.
3. If you pick the restaurant, pick one that you are familiar with -- or at least can find without being 30 minutes late.
4. It is not a good idea to disclose on a first date that your sister will not let her two sons hang out with "Uncle T" alone. If your sister doesn't apparently trust you, why should I?
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