The Cancellation of Date #2
A few days ago -- Thursday, I think -- Bachelor #2 asked me out for a second date. This time, tickets to a theater show on Saturday evening. Against my gut feelings, I agreed, and not just because of the odd agreement we came to, either.
I've alluded in a former post why I'm increasingly disenchanted with him. Tonight, when I cancelled on the date, many things were confirmed.
Let us start with the odd arrangement we came to surrounding the logistics of date #2. First of all, the show started at 8:00 on a Saturday evening. I was hesitant because that meant it wouldn't be over before 10:30, 11:00 at best. Sunday is a work day for me with a very early alarm clock -- usually 5:15, 5:30 -- and I don't do well for a full work day on a few hours of sleep. Not anymore, that is.
Tomorrow happens to be a bigger Sunday than usual for me, too. Our senior pastor and our youth/children's pastor are both out of town. This leaves me to handle the responsibilities of several folks. Fortunately, I'm not preaching, but that's about the only thing service-related that I'm not doing. I explained to Bachelor #2 that Sunday was a work day with an early alarm and I didn't think I'd be able to stay for the whole show. He was fine with that. (Weirdness #1.) He then said he had to get there early because he was volunteering. (Weirdness #2.)
Obsessive, over-eager personalities and I don't get along very well when it comes to personal relationships. Two weeks ago he'd never heard of this park where the theater is, and certainly he'd never been there. Now he's a volunteer. Here is where I remind you that for our first date, he toured 3 golf courses before deciding where we'd go. Mini golf courses.
I have a presumed stress fracture in my foot, which rears its painful head at inopportune moments. It's a very real injury, and an occupational hazard from my combination of being still overweight and working out as much as I do. A few days ago, it started hurting again, but as those who know me will attest it rarely keeps me from anything I want to do, be it wearing heels or teaching Zumba. But around 1:30 I sent him a text message about a chronic foot injury and that I might not feel up to going out. I even said if he had another friend who could use the ticket, I'd understand if he gave it away.
He didn't respond.
Five hours later, he called. Cue awkward conversation. He expressed some concern over my injury, but didn't allow me to really explain it. He inquired if "everything else" was "okay," but didn't really give me an opportunity to answer the question. He probably picked up on my less-than-effervescent attitude when he called, which I'll gladly write off to being in pain. We talked for all of one minute.
I was further reminded of why he was successful in sales and -- so far, presumably -- hasn't been so successful in dating. He doesn't listen and doesn't seem to really care about people other than him. Now that makes him seem like some egomaniacal megalomaniac, which he isn't. He's just... self-absorbed. To further explain my point, examples from our first (and only) date:
1. He tried to sell me more than once about his church. He knows I work for a church. He never inquired about my church, only asked a very superficial question about my responsibilities, didn't ask if I like my job, the people I work with and minister to, anything. It was all about his church.
2. The question he asked me about the last concert I attended -- I know I have explained this in a previous post. He asked the question, and when I didn't have an answer in about 5-10 seconds, he launched into a lengthy list of recent concerts he'd been to. He never returned to the original question, or even asked what concerts I'd been to, recent or otherwise.
3. He plays beach volleyball on Friday nights. Yes, in Kansas. Don't ask. He kept trying to convince me I needed to get into it, although he knows I work for a gym, I teach several classes, and try to be good about my exercise routines. Aside from one small comment in an email, he's never asked about Zumba or my fitness lifestyle. We did chat briefly about running and comparing old knee injuries, but he didn't ask any questions about mine -- and those who know how I blew out my knee the first time know it's quite the story!
4. The only really personal question he asked me was how I felt about having kids. I did tell him that having kids was a little beyond my control due to having cystic ovaries. He really wants kids, and he's no spring chicken. If he were to impregnate a woman right now, he'd be 64 when they graduated from high school. I'm not making any judgments, just stating a fact.
Although I've said dating is like sorting through frogs to find the prince, I think, for me, at least, a shoe-related illustration is better. (I like shoes. A lot.) Sometimes when you are shoe shopping, it seems like there's nothing worthwhile. Sometimes, there are more cute shoes than you know what to do with. Sometimes you are looking for a specific type of shoe and have to settle for ones that are not your ideal (e.g., a pair of "sensible" brown shoes). Sometimes you find a pair of shoes that you can't decide if they are cute/practical/necessary or not -- sometimes you can rationalize and justify buying them, and other times you put them back on the shelf.
In this case, Bachelor #2 is the pair of shoes that I wasn't sure if they were cute or not. I tried them on, did the shoe store test walk. And I've decided they aren't right for me, so I'm putting them back, because they'll be just right for someone else.
In the meantime, I have to get past my dislike of conflict and growing tendency towards passive-aggressive behavior and let him know I'm moving on. I think deep down he knows, but he wants me to actually say it -- a conversation I'm not necessarily looking forward to having, one passive-aggressive me will probably have via email. At least I can be honest and say that I'm in conversation with other guys who I am more interested in, and I'm not fond of dating more than one person at a time.
No one said dating was easy.
I've alluded in a former post why I'm increasingly disenchanted with him. Tonight, when I cancelled on the date, many things were confirmed.
Let us start with the odd arrangement we came to surrounding the logistics of date #2. First of all, the show started at 8:00 on a Saturday evening. I was hesitant because that meant it wouldn't be over before 10:30, 11:00 at best. Sunday is a work day for me with a very early alarm clock -- usually 5:15, 5:30 -- and I don't do well for a full work day on a few hours of sleep. Not anymore, that is.
Tomorrow happens to be a bigger Sunday than usual for me, too. Our senior pastor and our youth/children's pastor are both out of town. This leaves me to handle the responsibilities of several folks. Fortunately, I'm not preaching, but that's about the only thing service-related that I'm not doing. I explained to Bachelor #2 that Sunday was a work day with an early alarm and I didn't think I'd be able to stay for the whole show. He was fine with that. (Weirdness #1.) He then said he had to get there early because he was volunteering. (Weirdness #2.)
Obsessive, over-eager personalities and I don't get along very well when it comes to personal relationships. Two weeks ago he'd never heard of this park where the theater is, and certainly he'd never been there. Now he's a volunteer. Here is where I remind you that for our first date, he toured 3 golf courses before deciding where we'd go. Mini golf courses.
I have a presumed stress fracture in my foot, which rears its painful head at inopportune moments. It's a very real injury, and an occupational hazard from my combination of being still overweight and working out as much as I do. A few days ago, it started hurting again, but as those who know me will attest it rarely keeps me from anything I want to do, be it wearing heels or teaching Zumba. But around 1:30 I sent him a text message about a chronic foot injury and that I might not feel up to going out. I even said if he had another friend who could use the ticket, I'd understand if he gave it away.
He didn't respond.
Five hours later, he called. Cue awkward conversation. He expressed some concern over my injury, but didn't allow me to really explain it. He inquired if "everything else" was "okay," but didn't really give me an opportunity to answer the question. He probably picked up on my less-than-effervescent attitude when he called, which I'll gladly write off to being in pain. We talked for all of one minute.
I was further reminded of why he was successful in sales and -- so far, presumably -- hasn't been so successful in dating. He doesn't listen and doesn't seem to really care about people other than him. Now that makes him seem like some egomaniacal megalomaniac, which he isn't. He's just... self-absorbed. To further explain my point, examples from our first (and only) date:
1. He tried to sell me more than once about his church. He knows I work for a church. He never inquired about my church, only asked a very superficial question about my responsibilities, didn't ask if I like my job, the people I work with and minister to, anything. It was all about his church.
2. The question he asked me about the last concert I attended -- I know I have explained this in a previous post. He asked the question, and when I didn't have an answer in about 5-10 seconds, he launched into a lengthy list of recent concerts he'd been to. He never returned to the original question, or even asked what concerts I'd been to, recent or otherwise.
3. He plays beach volleyball on Friday nights. Yes, in Kansas. Don't ask. He kept trying to convince me I needed to get into it, although he knows I work for a gym, I teach several classes, and try to be good about my exercise routines. Aside from one small comment in an email, he's never asked about Zumba or my fitness lifestyle. We did chat briefly about running and comparing old knee injuries, but he didn't ask any questions about mine -- and those who know how I blew out my knee the first time know it's quite the story!
4. The only really personal question he asked me was how I felt about having kids. I did tell him that having kids was a little beyond my control due to having cystic ovaries. He really wants kids, and he's no spring chicken. If he were to impregnate a woman right now, he'd be 64 when they graduated from high school. I'm not making any judgments, just stating a fact.
Although I've said dating is like sorting through frogs to find the prince, I think, for me, at least, a shoe-related illustration is better. (I like shoes. A lot.) Sometimes when you are shoe shopping, it seems like there's nothing worthwhile. Sometimes, there are more cute shoes than you know what to do with. Sometimes you are looking for a specific type of shoe and have to settle for ones that are not your ideal (e.g., a pair of "sensible" brown shoes). Sometimes you find a pair of shoes that you can't decide if they are cute/practical/necessary or not -- sometimes you can rationalize and justify buying them, and other times you put them back on the shelf.
In this case, Bachelor #2 is the pair of shoes that I wasn't sure if they were cute or not. I tried them on, did the shoe store test walk. And I've decided they aren't right for me, so I'm putting them back, because they'll be just right for someone else.
In the meantime, I have to get past my dislike of conflict and growing tendency towards passive-aggressive behavior and let him know I'm moving on. I think deep down he knows, but he wants me to actually say it -- a conversation I'm not necessarily looking forward to having, one passive-aggressive me will probably have via email. At least I can be honest and say that I'm in conversation with other guys who I am more interested in, and I'm not fond of dating more than one person at a time.
No one said dating was easy.
Enjoying reading your blog! I know alll about online dating. I joined a site called OK Cupid a couple years ago and used it on and off, and finally met my fiance, but yeah it's not easy sifting through all the weirdos is it? And even harder to find a good fit, someone whose quirks go well with yours. :) Good luck! Look forward to your posts!
ReplyDelete