Moving Forward
Today I have started and have left as unpublished drafts at least two new posts. They were inspired, for lack of a better word, by an anonymous person wishing to leave some comments on a post. The comments they submitted were mean-spirited and contained vulgarity and thinly-veiled threats, and it was clear by what they said that they are not someone I am actually friends with in real life. Although I choose to moderate comments to prevent spam, even if a comment is critical of me or a decision I've made, I'll publish it as long as the comment is done respectfully. These were not, so I did not publish them.
But then I found myself writing these posts that were all "deep" and even a bit esoteric about choices. I knew the comments that I read at 5:30 this morning had hit a nerve, because upon reading them I almost burst into tears and the memory of them plagued me throughout the day. "Sticks and stones...?" Yeah, right. Ask anyone who has ever been bullied how painful words can be, and just because I'm a sassy 37 year old adult doesn't mean I'm any less immune to being called nasty names, particularly by someone choosing to hide in cyberspace anonymity. My blog drafts, no matter how I couched my responses as a dissertation on adult choices, were little more than me wanting to defend myself -- defending myself against an anonymous person, which is paramount to spitting into the wind.
Then I read this on a meme on Facebook. There is no author attributed.
"Don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards."
That could be applied to a lot of things in my life, not the least of which would be dating. It could also be applied to how I handle these comments that were submitted. I know that my drafting blogs about them were also my personal attempts to maintain a logical grip on an emotional situation. Writing in journals is a time-honored therapy technique. I have not made a single choice about my life blindly or without consideration of the consequences, no matter how laissez-faire I may come across on this blog. If people wish to judge me without knowing me, that is their problem and not mine. I'm moving forward.
That includes moving forward in my dating life. Here is a current update.
M -- We text regularly. I do know that something deeper is developing for me, but I'm not sure what. We still haven't set a day or time for our next date, because his daughter's schedule is pretty busy. He did say that he wanted to invite me to his house and cook me dinner on our next date before heading to the movie, but his brother was currently living with them due to marital problems and he thought that would be awkward. Um, yes, it would be. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about seeing his house and meeting his daughter all in one fell swoop, and on a third date when we've been taking things slow, but it was nice to know that he wants to let me into his life like that.
AJ -- Still haven't heard from him, but he did say "later in the week." That ball is in his court. We have a lot of similar interests, but we've spent very little time talking. Since I'm not seeing anyone exclusively, I would be interested in meeting him.
D -- Who? Yep, that's how I feel right now. Haven't heard from him since Thursday, and that is fine with me.
J3 -- Again, haven't heard from him, not that I'm surprised. I also haven't reached out to him. I did, though, find a fantastic text message tone specifically for him. Of course, it would be quite ironic if now that I've assigned that to him, he never texts!
No matter what happens, if my anonymous nasty-gram author decides to carry out his or her childish threats, if any or none of these gentlemen turn into something I wish to invest in for a longer time, I'm moving forward. I have a blessed life, full of friends and joys, and no mean words or weekends spent alone can take that away from me.
But then I found myself writing these posts that were all "deep" and even a bit esoteric about choices. I knew the comments that I read at 5:30 this morning had hit a nerve, because upon reading them I almost burst into tears and the memory of them plagued me throughout the day. "Sticks and stones...?" Yeah, right. Ask anyone who has ever been bullied how painful words can be, and just because I'm a sassy 37 year old adult doesn't mean I'm any less immune to being called nasty names, particularly by someone choosing to hide in cyberspace anonymity. My blog drafts, no matter how I couched my responses as a dissertation on adult choices, were little more than me wanting to defend myself -- defending myself against an anonymous person, which is paramount to spitting into the wind.
Then I read this on a meme on Facebook. There is no author attributed.
"Don't waste your time looking back on what you've lost. Move on, for life is not meant to be traveled backwards."
That could be applied to a lot of things in my life, not the least of which would be dating. It could also be applied to how I handle these comments that were submitted. I know that my drafting blogs about them were also my personal attempts to maintain a logical grip on an emotional situation. Writing in journals is a time-honored therapy technique. I have not made a single choice about my life blindly or without consideration of the consequences, no matter how laissez-faire I may come across on this blog. If people wish to judge me without knowing me, that is their problem and not mine. I'm moving forward.
That includes moving forward in my dating life. Here is a current update.
M -- We text regularly. I do know that something deeper is developing for me, but I'm not sure what. We still haven't set a day or time for our next date, because his daughter's schedule is pretty busy. He did say that he wanted to invite me to his house and cook me dinner on our next date before heading to the movie, but his brother was currently living with them due to marital problems and he thought that would be awkward. Um, yes, it would be. I'm not entirely sure how I feel about seeing his house and meeting his daughter all in one fell swoop, and on a third date when we've been taking things slow, but it was nice to know that he wants to let me into his life like that.
AJ -- Still haven't heard from him, but he did say "later in the week." That ball is in his court. We have a lot of similar interests, but we've spent very little time talking. Since I'm not seeing anyone exclusively, I would be interested in meeting him.
D -- Who? Yep, that's how I feel right now. Haven't heard from him since Thursday, and that is fine with me.
J3 -- Again, haven't heard from him, not that I'm surprised. I also haven't reached out to him. I did, though, find a fantastic text message tone specifically for him. Of course, it would be quite ironic if now that I've assigned that to him, he never texts!
No matter what happens, if my anonymous nasty-gram author decides to carry out his or her childish threats, if any or none of these gentlemen turn into something I wish to invest in for a longer time, I'm moving forward. I have a blessed life, full of friends and joys, and no mean words or weekends spent alone can take that away from me.
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