What Fools Us Mortals Be
My apologies to Shakespeare for today's title, but it somehow seemed appropriate.
Part of what is so terrifying for me about dating is that I have to take risks. I have to say and do things that in my mind I'm perfectly capable of doing, yet when it actually comes to doing them, I freak out. Historically, I've always been the follower in relationships, such as the ones I've had could be called. My partner has almost always initiated everything.
Yet I've been reflecting on the advice of my friend, which was really more of a reminder. Men tend to need things clearly spelled out. But, they are human as well, and they are also taking a risk every time they make a move. A terrifying risk, really.
So first I decided to be a lot clearer in some things. Mainly, I made it clear after P was apologizing that this week is crazy for him at work and having his son, that the 3 am texts are really okay. Really. No, really. Now today I do wish it had been 3:30 instead of 4:30 -- that hour makes a difference when the alarm is going off at 5:30. At 4:30, 4:45 you are debating if you'll really get any decent sleep, and your bladder suddenly gets full. At 3:30, you know you still have 2 full hours!
Secondly, I realized that women aren't the only ones who will drop hints before doing something. Men will test the waters, too. Again, they are taking a scary step in hitting on a woman, whether or not they've been on a date.
So, it seemed to me that P has done that "hint dropping" a little. I don't know if he's been conscious about it, but for example when someone goes on vacation and has pictures, they can do two things. One, they can say "I've got pictures; I'll show them to you the next time I see you." Or two, they can text the best ones of them to you, spread out over a day or so. P has been doing the latter, and it dawned on me that perhaps -- maybe subconsciously for him, maybe not -- perhaps he's wanting me to reciprocate with a pic of myself to be sent to him.
Well, I aim to please. Always have, always will. Today was my first day of school, back with my kiddos, and I made sure I looked extra cute. Then I arranged to have a group picture of me and my Kindergartners taken with my phone. My upfront "reason" was that they were all wearing name tags and I could work on their names. My real reason was to have a pic to send to P.
Before I tell what happened, a little back-story. When P and I were still at the point of only exchanging emails on Match, we had a conversation about being a female teacher (with a female's body), and how as kids are growing sometimes their height makes for some awkward interactions. Boys with budding hormones suddenly find themselves eye-level with their teacher's chest. Younger students, because of their height, accidentally grab on to your backside when hugging you.
Come lunch, I texted the pic to P, along with a reminder of that conversation.
The conversation that followed will remain between myself and P.
Oh, yeah, things are just fine.
Part of what is so terrifying for me about dating is that I have to take risks. I have to say and do things that in my mind I'm perfectly capable of doing, yet when it actually comes to doing them, I freak out. Historically, I've always been the follower in relationships, such as the ones I've had could be called. My partner has almost always initiated everything.
Yet I've been reflecting on the advice of my friend, which was really more of a reminder. Men tend to need things clearly spelled out. But, they are human as well, and they are also taking a risk every time they make a move. A terrifying risk, really.
So first I decided to be a lot clearer in some things. Mainly, I made it clear after P was apologizing that this week is crazy for him at work and having his son, that the 3 am texts are really okay. Really. No, really. Now today I do wish it had been 3:30 instead of 4:30 -- that hour makes a difference when the alarm is going off at 5:30. At 4:30, 4:45 you are debating if you'll really get any decent sleep, and your bladder suddenly gets full. At 3:30, you know you still have 2 full hours!
Secondly, I realized that women aren't the only ones who will drop hints before doing something. Men will test the waters, too. Again, they are taking a scary step in hitting on a woman, whether or not they've been on a date.
So, it seemed to me that P has done that "hint dropping" a little. I don't know if he's been conscious about it, but for example when someone goes on vacation and has pictures, they can do two things. One, they can say "I've got pictures; I'll show them to you the next time I see you." Or two, they can text the best ones of them to you, spread out over a day or so. P has been doing the latter, and it dawned on me that perhaps -- maybe subconsciously for him, maybe not -- perhaps he's wanting me to reciprocate with a pic of myself to be sent to him.
Well, I aim to please. Always have, always will. Today was my first day of school, back with my kiddos, and I made sure I looked extra cute. Then I arranged to have a group picture of me and my Kindergartners taken with my phone. My upfront "reason" was that they were all wearing name tags and I could work on their names. My real reason was to have a pic to send to P.
Before I tell what happened, a little back-story. When P and I were still at the point of only exchanging emails on Match, we had a conversation about being a female teacher (with a female's body), and how as kids are growing sometimes their height makes for some awkward interactions. Boys with budding hormones suddenly find themselves eye-level with their teacher's chest. Younger students, because of their height, accidentally grab on to your backside when hugging you.
Come lunch, I texted the pic to P, along with a reminder of that conversation.
The conversation that followed will remain between myself and P.
Oh, yeah, things are just fine.
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