Another One Bites the Dust
Tonight was date #3 with M, and as you've probably gathered from the title, I'm letting this one move right along. Nothing to see here. We're walking, we're walking...
It wasn't that he necessarily did anything wrong. From the first meeting, I was skeptical about my attraction, but as I gave him a second (and third) "chance," I thought something might be developing for me. What was developing, I realize now, was an attraction for the person I was imagining was behind the text messages. That person would say certain things, react in certain ways, and that's just not who M is. It's definitely a pitfall of building a foundation upon emails and texts.
Genuinely, he's a nice guy and it's not that he's unattractive, but I can't say I honestly find him attractive in the way that I would like to, even could say need to, find the person I am dating. Maybe it was the bad jeans that I've now gotten to see twice. More realistically, it's just a chemistry thing.
There was one incident, though, that left me feeling just a bit odd. Perhaps the internet troll who, on a previous post wanted to leave a comment calling me a thesaurus listing for "prostitute," will come back and read this post and revise his or her comments to include "gold digger." But my question is: is the middle of a third date an appropriate time to ask to go dutch? Yes, I had told him via text that once I had gone on several dates with someone, I didn't mind splitting the cost. For me, the key word is "several." Maybe I'm just shallow, maybe I'm just looking to be pursued a little more, but one meeting over a $2 cup of coffee and a second date at a movie isn't "several" dates. Tonight he paid for dinner, which was nothing pricey, and on the way to the movie asked me if I'd be willing to pick up the movie tickets. I did, and I put a smile on my face about it, but inside I wasn't happy.
My thinking goes like this: I would've been glad to pick up the movie tickets had the movie been a spur-of-the-moment decision, instigated by me. I make no assumptions about anyone's fiscal levels (although M is one who lists his income range on Match), and I of all people understand needing to stay on a budget. So if you've asked to take a woman to dinner, you've probably budgeted for that, but if she springs a movie on you, you may not have. However... if the original plan for several days was dinner and a movie, it just seems tacky to me to ask in the middle of the date for the other person to pick up the cost of the movie.
I'm all for wanting to start as friends, but this is a dating site that we're meeting on. At some point, you have to take a step towards something. He's made plenty of comments via text about me being pretty and all, which is certainly appreciated, but usually by this time a guy has decided if he wants to kiss a girl or not. All I've gotten are slightly awkward hugs, which given my declining attraction, is perfectly fine. What bugs me is his lack of trying for any sort of real physical contact.
Which leaves me... where? In limbo, honestly, for I can truly say right now I have no real irons in the fire. "Whoa, hold up!" you say. "What happened to that list of 4 guys?" you wonder. Well, here's the 411.
M -- just recapped him.
AJ -- in spite of him giving me his number first and saying he'd call later in the week, I haven't heard from him. I zipped him a text on Friday and didn't get a reply. I'm considering that one closed until further notice.
J3 -- haven't heard from him. I think the Murphy's Law about actually buying a "booty call" text tone for him is coming true. I may cave this week and text him, though, just because I could use some... quality time with a friend. (Blasted hormones!)
D -- also haven't heard from him, and it's been 10 days. 10 whole days with no texts calling me "princess" or "boo." In our last conversation, I kind of pressed him about meeting. Since then, I've heard silence, which is affirming some of my suspicions that he might not be as single as he makes himself out to be.
I do have an email to reply to in my Match inbox. I haven't really looked at his profile, although his picture isn't unattractive. Unfortunately, the email reads like it was written by a slightly-below-average 3rd grade student, which is equivalent to fingernails on chalkboard for me. Actually, it's worse than that, because the fingernails on a chalkboard doesn't bother me all that much, but atrocious grammar and spelling are one of my biggest pet peeves, period.
All in all, I'm probably hitting a quiet period, and that's okay. It can't be hot and steamy all the time! And in the post-holiday recovery period, dating may be something that many people are putting on hold simply for fiscal reasons. There are plenty of free things to do, but we are a materialistic society and meeting up to do something free doesn't always hold that much appeal, at least early on. (Heck, I just b!tched and moaned a few paragraphs ago about unexpectedly going dutch!). I do know from past experiences that when I am fine with a lull, then something interesting usually comes along. So, we'll see what interesting thing the universe has in store for me this time!
It wasn't that he necessarily did anything wrong. From the first meeting, I was skeptical about my attraction, but as I gave him a second (and third) "chance," I thought something might be developing for me. What was developing, I realize now, was an attraction for the person I was imagining was behind the text messages. That person would say certain things, react in certain ways, and that's just not who M is. It's definitely a pitfall of building a foundation upon emails and texts.
Genuinely, he's a nice guy and it's not that he's unattractive, but I can't say I honestly find him attractive in the way that I would like to, even could say need to, find the person I am dating. Maybe it was the bad jeans that I've now gotten to see twice. More realistically, it's just a chemistry thing.
There was one incident, though, that left me feeling just a bit odd. Perhaps the internet troll who, on a previous post wanted to leave a comment calling me a thesaurus listing for "prostitute," will come back and read this post and revise his or her comments to include "gold digger." But my question is: is the middle of a third date an appropriate time to ask to go dutch? Yes, I had told him via text that once I had gone on several dates with someone, I didn't mind splitting the cost. For me, the key word is "several." Maybe I'm just shallow, maybe I'm just looking to be pursued a little more, but one meeting over a $2 cup of coffee and a second date at a movie isn't "several" dates. Tonight he paid for dinner, which was nothing pricey, and on the way to the movie asked me if I'd be willing to pick up the movie tickets. I did, and I put a smile on my face about it, but inside I wasn't happy.
My thinking goes like this: I would've been glad to pick up the movie tickets had the movie been a spur-of-the-moment decision, instigated by me. I make no assumptions about anyone's fiscal levels (although M is one who lists his income range on Match), and I of all people understand needing to stay on a budget. So if you've asked to take a woman to dinner, you've probably budgeted for that, but if she springs a movie on you, you may not have. However... if the original plan for several days was dinner and a movie, it just seems tacky to me to ask in the middle of the date for the other person to pick up the cost of the movie.
I'm all for wanting to start as friends, but this is a dating site that we're meeting on. At some point, you have to take a step towards something. He's made plenty of comments via text about me being pretty and all, which is certainly appreciated, but usually by this time a guy has decided if he wants to kiss a girl or not. All I've gotten are slightly awkward hugs, which given my declining attraction, is perfectly fine. What bugs me is his lack of trying for any sort of real physical contact.
Which leaves me... where? In limbo, honestly, for I can truly say right now I have no real irons in the fire. "Whoa, hold up!" you say. "What happened to that list of 4 guys?" you wonder. Well, here's the 411.
M -- just recapped him.
AJ -- in spite of him giving me his number first and saying he'd call later in the week, I haven't heard from him. I zipped him a text on Friday and didn't get a reply. I'm considering that one closed until further notice.
J3 -- haven't heard from him. I think the Murphy's Law about actually buying a "booty call" text tone for him is coming true. I may cave this week and text him, though, just because I could use some... quality time with a friend. (Blasted hormones!)
D -- also haven't heard from him, and it's been 10 days. 10 whole days with no texts calling me "princess" or "boo." In our last conversation, I kind of pressed him about meeting. Since then, I've heard silence, which is affirming some of my suspicions that he might not be as single as he makes himself out to be.
I do have an email to reply to in my Match inbox. I haven't really looked at his profile, although his picture isn't unattractive. Unfortunately, the email reads like it was written by a slightly-below-average 3rd grade student, which is equivalent to fingernails on chalkboard for me. Actually, it's worse than that, because the fingernails on a chalkboard doesn't bother me all that much, but atrocious grammar and spelling are one of my biggest pet peeves, period.
All in all, I'm probably hitting a quiet period, and that's okay. It can't be hot and steamy all the time! And in the post-holiday recovery period, dating may be something that many people are putting on hold simply for fiscal reasons. There are plenty of free things to do, but we are a materialistic society and meeting up to do something free doesn't always hold that much appeal, at least early on. (Heck, I just b!tched and moaned a few paragraphs ago about unexpectedly going dutch!). I do know from past experiences that when I am fine with a lull, then something interesting usually comes along. So, we'll see what interesting thing the universe has in store for me this time!
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