Click Here to Reactivate Your Match Account!
And yes, I did. I reactivated my Match account. I'm officially "back out there." I'm a little wounded, a little bruised. I've got some new scars, some new battle wounds. But if I wasn't willing to let my heart be broken, what kind of relationships would I really be having?
I've debated. I've vacillated. The last time I communicated with D, it ripped a scab off I didn't even know I had. What would going back out on Match do to my apparently fragile healing process? When I deactivated my account, I told Match it was because I'd met someone on Match. It asked for my new partner's screen name, which I entered. So I have confidence that he will not show up in my matches, nor I in his - if he has also reactivated. (That is certainly one question I will not be asking.)
Life is meant to be lived. D will always have a place in my heart for many, many reasons. Part of me will always love him, and based on our conversations, he, me. But I cannot spend my life attempting to cling to a miniscule (and probably non-existent) shred of hope that he will come to regret his decision and want to rectify things. I haven't really been doing that, particularly the past couple of weeks, but not actively moving forward means all I've been saying about healing is just talk. Truthful talk, but talk nonetheless.
Immediately, I got my first test. My first moment of, "are you really ready for this." After I reactivated, I went to my Daily Matches. My "Singled Out Match of the Day" could have passed for D's older brother. Seriously. A little blonder, a couple years older. Same height, same body type.
I don't know if I should thank Match, laugh, or cry.
But all in all, I was fine with it. It didn't rip open the scar tissue in my soul. It didn't make me get mopey and desperately wish I could text or call D. I read his profile, went through his pictures, said I was interested, and moved on to my next match. I leave in 12 hours on vacation, but as my friend who I'll be visiting said, what harm is there in starting communication with someone even if I'm out of town? I'm not expecting anything to happen immediately, either. There have certainly been times where boom! something happened very quickly - for better or for worse.
Come to think of it, the last time that happened it was for the worse. Definitely for the worse. Bachelor #3. *Shudder*
The thing is, yes, I'm back out there. Yes, my profile is visible. Yes, as my friend and I are taking carefully posed "candid" shots during my visit I'll be updating my profile. But I don't have to be active on the site. And if I change my mind, I can easily hide my profile.
Besides, now I may have new fodder for the blog! Drama! Bring it on!
I've debated. I've vacillated. The last time I communicated with D, it ripped a scab off I didn't even know I had. What would going back out on Match do to my apparently fragile healing process? When I deactivated my account, I told Match it was because I'd met someone on Match. It asked for my new partner's screen name, which I entered. So I have confidence that he will not show up in my matches, nor I in his - if he has also reactivated. (That is certainly one question I will not be asking.)
Life is meant to be lived. D will always have a place in my heart for many, many reasons. Part of me will always love him, and based on our conversations, he, me. But I cannot spend my life attempting to cling to a miniscule (and probably non-existent) shred of hope that he will come to regret his decision and want to rectify things. I haven't really been doing that, particularly the past couple of weeks, but not actively moving forward means all I've been saying about healing is just talk. Truthful talk, but talk nonetheless.
Immediately, I got my first test. My first moment of, "are you really ready for this." After I reactivated, I went to my Daily Matches. My "Singled Out Match of the Day" could have passed for D's older brother. Seriously. A little blonder, a couple years older. Same height, same body type.
I don't know if I should thank Match, laugh, or cry.
But all in all, I was fine with it. It didn't rip open the scar tissue in my soul. It didn't make me get mopey and desperately wish I could text or call D. I read his profile, went through his pictures, said I was interested, and moved on to my next match. I leave in 12 hours on vacation, but as my friend who I'll be visiting said, what harm is there in starting communication with someone even if I'm out of town? I'm not expecting anything to happen immediately, either. There have certainly been times where boom! something happened very quickly - for better or for worse.
Come to think of it, the last time that happened it was for the worse. Definitely for the worse. Bachelor #3. *Shudder*
The thing is, yes, I'm back out there. Yes, my profile is visible. Yes, as my friend and I are taking carefully posed "candid" shots during my visit I'll be updating my profile. But I don't have to be active on the site. And if I change my mind, I can easily hide my profile.
Besides, now I may have new fodder for the blog! Drama! Bring it on!
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