Ever Onward...
It has been an interesting few days; I just haven't had time to blog. It's not that suddenly I have a new man on the line that I'm seriously twitterpated over, or that there's been overt drama. Really, there's been both but neither to any extreme.
Let's start with the drama. Remember our lovely J, who started coming on way too strong and who I had to friendzone? I made the offer to still be friends, and more importantly to give him advice and guidance when it came to dating, should he want a female perspective. Honestly, I never expected to really hear from him again.
*bzzzzzzzz* Wrong!
Monday I got a long text message from him. He wanted some advice and such, and was I available to talk on the phone that night? I agreed, but I made it clear I was limiting him to one hour -- no epic 3 or 4 hour phone calls. He promised he'd only take 15-20 minutes of my time.
I continue to know him better than he knows himself. He took the full hour, and could've kept talking had I not told him his time was up.
The good thing is that he was indeed looking for dating advice, and the opportunities arose for me to talk to him about some of the touchier subjects, such as seeing a counselor. It also allowed me to apologize for not giving him more warning by not telling him I wasn't ready to have him in my house. The difficult thing about the conversation is that he also wanted to grill me -- nicely, but still ask some tough and pointed questions -- about "us." Did I ever find him attractive? What did he do wrong? Did our conversation where we learned just how different we were affect my decision? Was the fact he had 3 children something that deterred me? Questions like that. I was able to answer some very directly, others I danced around a little because while I don't want to lie, I don't see the point in being unnecessarily hurtful, either.
Fortunately, he did admit freely that he may not really be ready for dating just yet. He thought he was, but having to face directly rejection, and realizing he was taking it much more personally than he ever thought he would, was a real wake-up call. Over and over I reassured him that he's a good guy, worthy of a great woman, and most importantly that he needs to be him and not what he thinks someone is looking for. (The latter is clearly the result of passive-aggressive conditioning by his ex-wife; he spent 12+ years doing whatever she asked or wanted and lost himself in the process.)
All in all, we continue to be friends. I suspect I'll hear from him again, wanting advice. If you think about it, that's kind of hilarious -- me, giving advice on dating. To me, that falls in the same category as Catholic priests giving advice on marriage and sex, or as Robin Williams said, "like a leper giving you a facial."
Speaking of dating... I have not heard from Sunday night's date, K, nor have I reached out to him. That is perfectly fine with me. However the other two that I referred to in my last post...
First is #13, D. We are now regular, several-times-per-day texters. I hear from him every morning with a "good morning" text, and again in the evening asking how my day went. Sometimes I take the initiative. We are slowly learning more about each other and we occasionally flirt, but so far neither of us has pushed towards meeting. We shall see; there's no need to rush into anything although I may pose a question here soon, just saying "so will I ever get to actually meet the man who likes to call me 'princess?'"
Yeah, princess. Hmm.
Still, it is very nice to have a guy who is legitimately interested in my day. I had told him that on Saturday I was having a difficult conversation, and he wanted me to tell him about it. It seems he might actually be a listener. (Of course, that's easier to do via text than in person!)
And also oddly in this mix is the divorcee who emailed me, the one who I thought I wouldn't hear from again because we're both ministers in some way with very different theological viewpoints.
*bzzzzzzzz* Wrong!
We are now members of the "let's email 3-4 times a day" club. In response to my concern about our divergent theological views, he appreciated my honesty and said he still felt in his gut that I'm a great person and a faithful friend, or something along those lines. He continues to email me, sharing about himself and learning about me. Sometimes the emails get a bit too JEEEEEE-SUS for me -- just a tiny bit -- but I also know that I tend to be quietly Christian. So we should probably give him a bachelor number and initial, which will confuse things greatly. He's #14, J. Yep, another J, and so close in time to the last one!
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Ultimately, I'm not sure we're all that compatible, yet I think behind all the striving to be perfect and Godly, there's an interesting man. Again, nothing has been said about meeting -- or in this case, even exchanging phone numbers -- but no need to rush into anything. I will let him take the initiative on this one, since he's already told me he's had a lot of first dates but very few second dates; he seems extremely picky, which is both good and bad.
Meanwhile, the rest of my Match profile continues to be very quiet. No new winks, no new emails. No response to the one or two initial emails I have sent -- not that I'm surprised in and of the least there! And in my own Daily Matches, a lot of "maybes" and "not interested." It seems I'm hitting a lull, which happens.
Well, we do have yet another picture "liked" by number...whatever...EGS. The enigmatic one with the great smile. I'm beginning to suspect he might not be a paying member, which is why he hasn't responded to email. If I remember correctly, even if you aren't a member you can still "wink" and "like" things and view profiles -- it only costs money to communicate.
So be it. Perhaps chatting with two guys, even though I'm not entirely convinced of the matching, is enough for now!
Let's start with the drama. Remember our lovely J, who started coming on way too strong and who I had to friendzone? I made the offer to still be friends, and more importantly to give him advice and guidance when it came to dating, should he want a female perspective. Honestly, I never expected to really hear from him again.
*bzzzzzzzz* Wrong!
Monday I got a long text message from him. He wanted some advice and such, and was I available to talk on the phone that night? I agreed, but I made it clear I was limiting him to one hour -- no epic 3 or 4 hour phone calls. He promised he'd only take 15-20 minutes of my time.
I continue to know him better than he knows himself. He took the full hour, and could've kept talking had I not told him his time was up.
The good thing is that he was indeed looking for dating advice, and the opportunities arose for me to talk to him about some of the touchier subjects, such as seeing a counselor. It also allowed me to apologize for not giving him more warning by not telling him I wasn't ready to have him in my house. The difficult thing about the conversation is that he also wanted to grill me -- nicely, but still ask some tough and pointed questions -- about "us." Did I ever find him attractive? What did he do wrong? Did our conversation where we learned just how different we were affect my decision? Was the fact he had 3 children something that deterred me? Questions like that. I was able to answer some very directly, others I danced around a little because while I don't want to lie, I don't see the point in being unnecessarily hurtful, either.
Fortunately, he did admit freely that he may not really be ready for dating just yet. He thought he was, but having to face directly rejection, and realizing he was taking it much more personally than he ever thought he would, was a real wake-up call. Over and over I reassured him that he's a good guy, worthy of a great woman, and most importantly that he needs to be him and not what he thinks someone is looking for. (The latter is clearly the result of passive-aggressive conditioning by his ex-wife; he spent 12+ years doing whatever she asked or wanted and lost himself in the process.)
All in all, we continue to be friends. I suspect I'll hear from him again, wanting advice. If you think about it, that's kind of hilarious -- me, giving advice on dating. To me, that falls in the same category as Catholic priests giving advice on marriage and sex, or as Robin Williams said, "like a leper giving you a facial."
Speaking of dating... I have not heard from Sunday night's date, K, nor have I reached out to him. That is perfectly fine with me. However the other two that I referred to in my last post...
First is #13, D. We are now regular, several-times-per-day texters. I hear from him every morning with a "good morning" text, and again in the evening asking how my day went. Sometimes I take the initiative. We are slowly learning more about each other and we occasionally flirt, but so far neither of us has pushed towards meeting. We shall see; there's no need to rush into anything although I may pose a question here soon, just saying "so will I ever get to actually meet the man who likes to call me 'princess?'"
Yeah, princess. Hmm.
Still, it is very nice to have a guy who is legitimately interested in my day. I had told him that on Saturday I was having a difficult conversation, and he wanted me to tell him about it. It seems he might actually be a listener. (Of course, that's easier to do via text than in person!)
And also oddly in this mix is the divorcee who emailed me, the one who I thought I wouldn't hear from again because we're both ministers in some way with very different theological viewpoints.
*bzzzzzzzz* Wrong!
We are now members of the "let's email 3-4 times a day" club. In response to my concern about our divergent theological views, he appreciated my honesty and said he still felt in his gut that I'm a great person and a faithful friend, or something along those lines. He continues to email me, sharing about himself and learning about me. Sometimes the emails get a bit too JEEEEEE-SUS for me -- just a tiny bit -- but I also know that I tend to be quietly Christian. So we should probably give him a bachelor number and initial, which will confuse things greatly. He's #14, J. Yep, another J, and so close in time to the last one!
I'm not sure how I feel about this one. Ultimately, I'm not sure we're all that compatible, yet I think behind all the striving to be perfect and Godly, there's an interesting man. Again, nothing has been said about meeting -- or in this case, even exchanging phone numbers -- but no need to rush into anything. I will let him take the initiative on this one, since he's already told me he's had a lot of first dates but very few second dates; he seems extremely picky, which is both good and bad.
Meanwhile, the rest of my Match profile continues to be very quiet. No new winks, no new emails. No response to the one or two initial emails I have sent -- not that I'm surprised in and of the least there! And in my own Daily Matches, a lot of "maybes" and "not interested." It seems I'm hitting a lull, which happens.
Well, we do have yet another picture "liked" by number...whatever...EGS. The enigmatic one with the great smile. I'm beginning to suspect he might not be a paying member, which is why he hasn't responded to email. If I remember correctly, even if you aren't a member you can still "wink" and "like" things and view profiles -- it only costs money to communicate.
So be it. Perhaps chatting with two guys, even though I'm not entirely convinced of the matching, is enough for now!
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