Slowing Down
Sometimes, you just have to go with your gut, your instincts. Sometimes, you have to write a very difficult email or have that difficult phone conversation. And every time, it stinks at some level.
Ever since last night's phone conversation, and probably even before then if I were to be truly honest with myself, I've been wary of having J at my home. It's just too soon, too fast. Although I can be so outgoing and direct, parts of my life are extremely private. My home is the most private sanctum I have, and I guard it carefully. J's been dropping hints and even outright asking since Monday, a mere 2 days after we actually met, to come to my home.
Too soon.
I understand the practicality of it, why his house isn't an option, really. I understand he wants a quiet place to be able to talk and such. But understanding doesn't make me any more comfortable in my gut. So after a late lunch and some text therapy with my friend M, I sent J another email asking if we could change our plans.
I asked if we could instead meet at a local Panera. I said I didn't want to mislead him anymore than I might have unintentionally done already. I told him I wanted to slow things down a little. I said he's such a wonderfully sweet and kind guy -- and truly he is -- that I didn't want to hurt him in any way if I could help it and that perhaps some of this for me was the "once bitten, twice shy" I'd talked about with him on the phone just last night. All in all, I said, there's no need for us to rush anything.
Ever since Saturday night's date, he's been acting like we're in a relationship even though he's still setting up dates with other women. The constant texting, the calling every night. It's just too soon.
It is nice to be pursued, but at the same time karma's a bee-yotch. As I told M, I'm getting a dose of my own medicine. What I'm seeing in J's behavior in many ways (not all, but many) is how I was after P. I wasn't quite as pushy, and P was much more willing to go the casual route than I am with J (after all, P was the one to ask for the sexting), but still some of the parallels are uncanny. It almost makes me want to text P just to commiserate, to say "Hey, I have a guy who is pestering me like I used to pester you. So, I'm sorry!!" but I know to let that sleeping dog lie.
Ergo, I'm slowing things down with J. I need to sort out how I feel, and I truly and honestly don't want to hurt him, although that may be beyond my control. I have no control, really, over his emotions. As I said in the last post, I may have misled him more than I ever intended. I didn't think he'd fall as he has, not this quickly. I don't even think he realizes how far he's fallen for me.
Meanwhile, remember #9, K? The analytical chemist who would send epic long texts and then disappear for days? He's resurfaced and wanting to explain all and make it up to me by taking me out to dinner. So on Sunday night, we're meeting at a higher-end Italian restaurant out in Lawrence, owned by a friend of his. This date makes me smile every time I think about it, even though what I ultimately know about K wouldn't fill a 3x5 card.
Saturday night: Panera (instead of me trying to think of something that I cook that would be suitably bland for J's palate). Sunday night: a 4 star Italian restaurant that lauds its micro green supplier on its menu and offers exotic flavor combinations such as "Lobster and Crab Ravioli with Saffron Cream Sauce, Peas, Corn, and Grated Parmesan."
Can't say this week has been boring. Or low stress. Oy.
Ever since last night's phone conversation, and probably even before then if I were to be truly honest with myself, I've been wary of having J at my home. It's just too soon, too fast. Although I can be so outgoing and direct, parts of my life are extremely private. My home is the most private sanctum I have, and I guard it carefully. J's been dropping hints and even outright asking since Monday, a mere 2 days after we actually met, to come to my home.
Too soon.
I understand the practicality of it, why his house isn't an option, really. I understand he wants a quiet place to be able to talk and such. But understanding doesn't make me any more comfortable in my gut. So after a late lunch and some text therapy with my friend M, I sent J another email asking if we could change our plans.
I asked if we could instead meet at a local Panera. I said I didn't want to mislead him anymore than I might have unintentionally done already. I told him I wanted to slow things down a little. I said he's such a wonderfully sweet and kind guy -- and truly he is -- that I didn't want to hurt him in any way if I could help it and that perhaps some of this for me was the "once bitten, twice shy" I'd talked about with him on the phone just last night. All in all, I said, there's no need for us to rush anything.
Ever since Saturday night's date, he's been acting like we're in a relationship even though he's still setting up dates with other women. The constant texting, the calling every night. It's just too soon.
It is nice to be pursued, but at the same time karma's a bee-yotch. As I told M, I'm getting a dose of my own medicine. What I'm seeing in J's behavior in many ways (not all, but many) is how I was after P. I wasn't quite as pushy, and P was much more willing to go the casual route than I am with J (after all, P was the one to ask for the sexting), but still some of the parallels are uncanny. It almost makes me want to text P just to commiserate, to say "Hey, I have a guy who is pestering me like I used to pester you. So, I'm sorry!!" but I know to let that sleeping dog lie.
Ergo, I'm slowing things down with J. I need to sort out how I feel, and I truly and honestly don't want to hurt him, although that may be beyond my control. I have no control, really, over his emotions. As I said in the last post, I may have misled him more than I ever intended. I didn't think he'd fall as he has, not this quickly. I don't even think he realizes how far he's fallen for me.
Meanwhile, remember #9, K? The analytical chemist who would send epic long texts and then disappear for days? He's resurfaced and wanting to explain all and make it up to me by taking me out to dinner. So on Sunday night, we're meeting at a higher-end Italian restaurant out in Lawrence, owned by a friend of his. This date makes me smile every time I think about it, even though what I ultimately know about K wouldn't fill a 3x5 card.
Saturday night: Panera (instead of me trying to think of something that I cook that would be suitably bland for J's palate). Sunday night: a 4 star Italian restaurant that lauds its micro green supplier on its menu and offers exotic flavor combinations such as "Lobster and Crab Ravioli with Saffron Cream Sauce, Peas, Corn, and Grated Parmesan."
Can't say this week has been boring. Or low stress. Oy.
Comments
Post a Comment
We are all adults here. Comments are welcome, but they are also moderated because there has been a marked increase in spam, trolling, and generally snarky and nasty comments being submitted. Different opinions are welcome when expressed maturely; rude comments and links will not be published.