Welcome to the Friendzone (Part 1)

Friendzone (n): that area that women put men that they just want to be friends with.
Friendzoning, Friendzoned (v, v p.t.): the act of being put into the friendzone.

Tonight, in about 4 hours give or take, I will be friendzoning J.  For over two days I have been carefully backing away.  He hasn't quite gotten the message -- or, since I have yet to hear from him today, maybe he has an idea of what is coming.  I've told him that I want to "slow things down."  Well, tonight, after a great deal of thought and conversations with trusted yentas, I'm putting the brakes on it completely.

The bottom line is that I am not attracted to him.  Physically or in chemistry.  We are so different, we are very incompatible.  We are a living example of an analogy I often use to try to explain chemistry:

Create a list of your ideal mate's characteristics.  Include physical appearance, intelligence, personality, everything.  Make it as long as you need.  Then, theoretically, you walk into a room where there are 10 people who meet every criterion on your list.  Ultimately, you may be attracted to 2 of them.  Maybe 7 of them.  Perhaps, none at all.  It is a chemistry thing, it cannot be logically explained or quantified.

I am always a meticulous preparer, especially for important events and my appearance.  For dates, auditions, church services, even my Zumba classes, I carefully consider what I am wearing and how I look.  Normally for dates, it is trying to walk that line between being attractive, confident, sexy, and situation-appropriate.  I won't wear the same outfit out to a nice dinner that I would to mini golf on a summer evening, for example, but in both situations I will put my absolute best foot forward.

Tonight will be no exception to the careful planning, but this pendulum is in a different place.  I will dress as me, of course, but intentionally play down things that I know J finds particularly attractive.  Also being toned way down are areas that I have told him are PG-rated erogenous zones on me as an indicator that there is no invitation being offered.

I have to admit I feel a little bad that he will be driving all the way down here -- 45 minutes -- for a meal at Panera and to hear that I just want to be friends.  However, I hope that we can have a good, honest, and earnest conversation and that I can give him feedback and my opinion on how he should proceed as he continues his return into singledom.  I am not looking forward to having to see him, but I know this conversation is best held in person.  I am not looking forward to having to hurt him, even if he claims he hasn't invested too much in me yet, but I am looking forward to feeling "free" of him.

Keep an eye out for part 2 -- the aftermath of the Friendzone conversation...

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