Third Date Ruminations

Ah, yes, time to reflect upon another date with J3.  As is often the case, I'm writing this post while reclining in my bed, a cat next to me demanding my attention.

Just an hour or so ago, I wasn't alone in my bed.  And I'm not referring to a cat.

So now that you have an idea how the third date ultimately ended, let's get into the reflections, shall we?  I have said before that J3 is a bit socially awkward.  He still is.  I can't tell if he's just shy, or if there's something else going on.  Either way, after a week of less-than-scintillating communication, yesterday evening we finally set up plans.  We agreed on "tomorrow night" (tonight).  I then asked, "what, when, and where?"

His reply was, "Your place, whenever tomorrow night works for me."

Yep, he just invited himself over to my place.  In some ways, I was surprised; in others, not so much.  I've often been told that my home is very cozy and inviting, and I've frequently had guests tell me they feel as comfortable in my home as they do in theirs, which I take as a compliment.

So, we decided on my place, a time, and pizza and TV or whatever... basically, a "hanging out" kind of evening.  Given the week I've had and the incredible amount of stress I'm under given the season and all I have going on, a quiet evening on the couch, fire in the fireplace, wine in hand, and a dinner that doesn't require any thought sounded pretty darn good.  Add to the mix a very cute boy, and I was sure to be a happy camper.

Tonight, he was much chattier than he's been on either of our previous dates.  Was it him relaxing around me, or was it him being nervous, I really don't know.  We actually had some good conversation -- by far the best since meeting in person -- and enjoyed watching the Saturday Night Live Christmas special until I learned something else about him.  He's quite impulsive, spontaneous.  I got up to adjust the logs in the fireplace, and when I sat down the TV program was long forgotten.  There wasn't really any warm-up; I sat down and he went straight to pick up where the second date left off.

I'm not going to kiss-and-tell any more than I usually do, and I'm not going to turn this blog into erotica.  We're both consenting adults who find each other sexually attractive, apparently, and I'll leave it at that.  I will say that he has one HUGE advantage over my last bedpost notch, P -- J3 actually cares that his partner is as satisfied as he is.  Admittedly, we might have to work on the pacing of the foreplay some, as us "old gals" take a little longer to get going than the young studs.  But youthful lovers have other advantages.  (If you're wondering what those are, message me.)

So now we come to the other hand, that point where I raise my concerns and musings about things I have little control over.  I have two concerns right now, two things that are keeping me from going all head over heels nuts for him.

The first, and much lesser concern, is whether or not I'm just being used for sex.  I kind of had an inkling that tonight would end up there, based on one of our very first conversations, one held before we even met.  I told him I had a "three date minimum."  After the steamy goodbye kiss of the second date, I was pretty sure he'd go for more on this third one, especially since it would be at my house.  But whether or nor I'm being used for sex... is that really a concern?  Let's be honest here.  He's someone who cares that his partner is taken care of when doing the mattress tango.  And sex is good.  Bad sex is better than no sex.  I'd much rather be "used" for sex, especially sex with someone who's going to see to it that I'm taken care of as well, than be used for laundry and house cleaning.

Which brings me to my bigger concern.  He has made more than one comment about finances.  Tonight he opened up about them some, that his full time job doesn't pay as well as he'd like.  He used to have his own business but opted to take this full time gig for things like benefits.  I know he lives in a nice apartment, but that he practices certain economies.  Heck, I live in a nice apartment and practice a lot of frugality.  When you're single and the economy is what it is, you do what you have to do.  All this to say, I hope he's not looking for a sugar mama, because I ain't a sugar mama.  Although I have friends who have their opinions on who should pay for what when it comes to dating, I have no qualms about going dutch, especially when both people are fiscally equal.  (Now if the man is making a heck of a lot more money than the woman, that's a whole different story!)

For now, I'm just going to enjoy my "boy toy."  His timing is quite convenient, as I got an email from a guy whose profile et al is uber creepy.  I can send the "I just met someone" pre-written response without feeling the tiniest bit guilty because I'm not lying.  J2 will eventually find out that I'm wanting to invest in J3 for a while.  D texted tonight asking what I was up to, and I told him I was getting ready to "have company."  He smiled and told me to have fun.  I don't know if he completely realizes what I meant, but this is how dating works -- he who gets on the calendar first and has chemistry gets the woman.