100th Post!
Well, fellow friends & readers, whoever and wherever you are, this is my 100th post on this blog. And hold on to your seats, because it's a doozie!
But before I go any further, Merry Christmas!
Potential titles for the post included "One if By Land..." and "My 37th Birthday Gift From My Body." The last week since I posted has been busy and very stressful, and it isn't simply because I'm a musician and a church worship director and it's Christmas. Let us begin by wrapping up loose ends, shall we?
J3. The infamous aggressive yet shy kid who made me, briefly, a cougar. After a week of decreasing messages, finally total silence. I did indeed send one last text, a sort of "hey, if you're moving on that's fine, but just let me know" kind of thing. No reply. Again, sound familiar? (If not, go re-read the posts about the end of my "relationship" with P.) Yet, J3 lived on in a stressful way for another week. We'll get to that in a bit, though.
In my last post, I mentioned a new possibility, J4. Scratch him from the lineup. He replied to my list of questions, and asked me to do the same. I did, and I never heard from him again. Oh well!
However in the past couple of days, we now have Bachelor #... I have no idea. 17? Sounds good. Bachelor #17 is M. So far, we have exchanged a couple of emails, but the holidays are sure to be confounding with communication, particularly since he's a single dad with sole custody and family in town. We'll see if anything develops of this. He looks good on paper, but it is the internet.
But we can't forget the ones that have been recurring like ulcers now, can we? J2 and D? J2 is the Baptist minister guy. We had a text conversation after J3 proved to be a "three and out," but since then I haven't heard from him. The fact that I jumped into bed with a guy after only 3 dates probably was a big turn-off for him. Tough. And D continues to text regularly. Most recently, he asked for a picture. At first, I declined, citing a giant zit on my chin. (Actually, there are 2 or 3.) The next day, I complied, to which he said "So pretty." He continues to text, calling me "princess" and "boo" ("boo?" Really?!) and sends kissy emoticons. What he has not done has asked me out again. Remember, we were supposed to meet and then his aunt died and he went off the grid, having "forgotten his phone in KC." Since then, he's said once we need to meet, but he hasn't asked to get on my calendar. If he doesn't sh!t or get off the pot soon, he'll find himself without a texting buddy, because at this point I am not that attracted.
Yet still lurking in the background of my mind is J3. At this point, my male readers -- and any female readers who don't care to read about female issues -- may want to cease reading.
My body and my fertility are far from normal. I have PCOS and, it is strongly suspected, endometriosis. It isn't impossible for me to get pregnant naturally, but it is more difficult. When I have sex, I make sure protection is used -- acknowledging there are reasons other than pregnancy prevention. So when J3 and I ended up in my bed, we made certain condoms were used, especially since I have gone off the pill.
I also track my menstrual cycles. In spite of the PCOS and endometriosis, I tend to be very regular. I knew my next cycle was only a few days away when J3 and I went at it, and that my fertility was at a very low point, cyclically. Still, we used condoms.
Imagine my surprise when my period was late.
Imagine my stress when it never came.
I used protection with both J3 and P. I was on the pill in between, and had regular periods. My fertility was at a low point when I slept with J3. It is very difficult for me to conceive naturally. So, I began to research "missed period" online. Several reasons other than pregnancy came up. A big one was stress, although in the past stress has usually caused me to be early, not late. Another was perimenopause. Menopause? At 36-almost-37? Believe it or not, yes. More on that in a moment. Of course, the biggest reason for a missed period was, yep, pregnancy.
I confided in a couple of trusted friends. One of them told me she'd gotten pregnant while on birth control. Her son was a .01% baby.
Cue anxiety cranking up another notch. Condoms have a slightly lower prevention rate than birth control. I took a deep breath, and bought a box of pregnancy tests. I followed the directions, and after the longest 3 minutes of my life... only one line.
As Maury would say, "You are NOT the mother!" I took a picture of the stick and its lonely line, and texted it to my confidantes. The celebrations were heard from Texas to Minnesota. I opened a beer, even though it was only 2:30 in the afternoon.
Still, why the missed period? Back to researching perimenopause.
Perimenopause is defined as a several-year period where a woman begins to transition into menopause. It usually begins when a woman is in her 40s, but it is not uncommon for it to begin in women in their later 30s. Although I refuse to publicly admit my looming 37th birthday in 3 short days would put me in the "late 30s" category, it does. Since the commonly accepted "window" for menopause begins at 45, and perimenopause is defined in some literature as the 2-8 years before menopause, I'm within the probability range. Sigh.
I continued reading up on the symptoms.
The problem with perimenopause is that the majority of the symptoms are very common things. Mood swings, insomnia, sensitivity to heat/hot flashes, vaginal dryness and/or pain during sex, needing to pee more frequently, fatigue, worsening of PMS, changes in periods (heavier/lighter)... and that's just the part of the list that I could say "yes" to.
Here's how I could otherwise justify most of the symptoms, though:
1. Mood swings & insomnia? Easy: my chronic major depressive disorder.
2. The urinary frequency? To starting new blood pressure medications that are diuretics, and the increase in fluid intake as a result.
3. The fatigue? Easy-peasy! My crazy schedule.
4. The worsening of my PMS? To going on and off the birth control, although I have to admit my PMS has been getting much worse for the past 6-8 months at least. It wasn't until this past year where my period was heralded with a fever and flu symptoms.
5. The heavier periods? Check! The suspected endometriosis.
6. Pain during sex? I wasn't exactly horny when J3 jumped me, especially the second time, even though my body did respond to an extent. And, pain during sex is another symptom of endometriosis.
7. Being more sensitive to heat? Obviously the crazy weather changes and thermostat settings now that it's winter! Which doesn't explain why, in a house that is around 65 degrees, I suddenly get hot wearing a sweatshirt... and why I'm warm in a classroom that my kids are complaining is too cold...
See, I can justify about all of the symptoms as something else. But burying my head in the sand won't help me address issues. Am I in perimenopause? I have no idea, and there are no tests that can be run. If my next period doesn't come, you can bet I'll be finding the money somewhere to go see a doctor. Meanwhile, time to woman-up and admit I'm getting ... not older ... just into the prime of my life.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
But before I go any further, Merry Christmas!
Potential titles for the post included "One if By Land..." and "My 37th Birthday Gift From My Body." The last week since I posted has been busy and very stressful, and it isn't simply because I'm a musician and a church worship director and it's Christmas. Let us begin by wrapping up loose ends, shall we?
J3. The infamous aggressive yet shy kid who made me, briefly, a cougar. After a week of decreasing messages, finally total silence. I did indeed send one last text, a sort of "hey, if you're moving on that's fine, but just let me know" kind of thing. No reply. Again, sound familiar? (If not, go re-read the posts about the end of my "relationship" with P.) Yet, J3 lived on in a stressful way for another week. We'll get to that in a bit, though.
In my last post, I mentioned a new possibility, J4. Scratch him from the lineup. He replied to my list of questions, and asked me to do the same. I did, and I never heard from him again. Oh well!
However in the past couple of days, we now have Bachelor #... I have no idea. 17? Sounds good. Bachelor #17 is M. So far, we have exchanged a couple of emails, but the holidays are sure to be confounding with communication, particularly since he's a single dad with sole custody and family in town. We'll see if anything develops of this. He looks good on paper, but it is the internet.
But we can't forget the ones that have been recurring like ulcers now, can we? J2 and D? J2 is the Baptist minister guy. We had a text conversation after J3 proved to be a "three and out," but since then I haven't heard from him. The fact that I jumped into bed with a guy after only 3 dates probably was a big turn-off for him. Tough. And D continues to text regularly. Most recently, he asked for a picture. At first, I declined, citing a giant zit on my chin. (Actually, there are 2 or 3.) The next day, I complied, to which he said "So pretty." He continues to text, calling me "princess" and "boo" ("boo?" Really?!) and sends kissy emoticons. What he has not done has asked me out again. Remember, we were supposed to meet and then his aunt died and he went off the grid, having "forgotten his phone in KC." Since then, he's said once we need to meet, but he hasn't asked to get on my calendar. If he doesn't sh!t or get off the pot soon, he'll find himself without a texting buddy, because at this point I am not that attracted.
Yet still lurking in the background of my mind is J3. At this point, my male readers -- and any female readers who don't care to read about female issues -- may want to cease reading.
My body and my fertility are far from normal. I have PCOS and, it is strongly suspected, endometriosis. It isn't impossible for me to get pregnant naturally, but it is more difficult. When I have sex, I make sure protection is used -- acknowledging there are reasons other than pregnancy prevention. So when J3 and I ended up in my bed, we made certain condoms were used, especially since I have gone off the pill.
I also track my menstrual cycles. In spite of the PCOS and endometriosis, I tend to be very regular. I knew my next cycle was only a few days away when J3 and I went at it, and that my fertility was at a very low point, cyclically. Still, we used condoms.
Imagine my surprise when my period was late.
Imagine my stress when it never came.
I used protection with both J3 and P. I was on the pill in between, and had regular periods. My fertility was at a low point when I slept with J3. It is very difficult for me to conceive naturally. So, I began to research "missed period" online. Several reasons other than pregnancy came up. A big one was stress, although in the past stress has usually caused me to be early, not late. Another was perimenopause. Menopause? At 36-almost-37? Believe it or not, yes. More on that in a moment. Of course, the biggest reason for a missed period was, yep, pregnancy.
I confided in a couple of trusted friends. One of them told me she'd gotten pregnant while on birth control. Her son was a .01% baby.
Cue anxiety cranking up another notch. Condoms have a slightly lower prevention rate than birth control. I took a deep breath, and bought a box of pregnancy tests. I followed the directions, and after the longest 3 minutes of my life... only one line.
As Maury would say, "You are NOT the mother!" I took a picture of the stick and its lonely line, and texted it to my confidantes. The celebrations were heard from Texas to Minnesota. I opened a beer, even though it was only 2:30 in the afternoon.
Still, why the missed period? Back to researching perimenopause.
Perimenopause is defined as a several-year period where a woman begins to transition into menopause. It usually begins when a woman is in her 40s, but it is not uncommon for it to begin in women in their later 30s. Although I refuse to publicly admit my looming 37th birthday in 3 short days would put me in the "late 30s" category, it does. Since the commonly accepted "window" for menopause begins at 45, and perimenopause is defined in some literature as the 2-8 years before menopause, I'm within the probability range. Sigh.
I continued reading up on the symptoms.
The problem with perimenopause is that the majority of the symptoms are very common things. Mood swings, insomnia, sensitivity to heat/hot flashes, vaginal dryness and/or pain during sex, needing to pee more frequently, fatigue, worsening of PMS, changes in periods (heavier/lighter)... and that's just the part of the list that I could say "yes" to.
Here's how I could otherwise justify most of the symptoms, though:
1. Mood swings & insomnia? Easy: my chronic major depressive disorder.
2. The urinary frequency? To starting new blood pressure medications that are diuretics, and the increase in fluid intake as a result.
3. The fatigue? Easy-peasy! My crazy schedule.
4. The worsening of my PMS? To going on and off the birth control, although I have to admit my PMS has been getting much worse for the past 6-8 months at least. It wasn't until this past year where my period was heralded with a fever and flu symptoms.
5. The heavier periods? Check! The suspected endometriosis.
6. Pain during sex? I wasn't exactly horny when J3 jumped me, especially the second time, even though my body did respond to an extent. And, pain during sex is another symptom of endometriosis.
7. Being more sensitive to heat? Obviously the crazy weather changes and thermostat settings now that it's winter! Which doesn't explain why, in a house that is around 65 degrees, I suddenly get hot wearing a sweatshirt... and why I'm warm in a classroom that my kids are complaining is too cold...
See, I can justify about all of the symptoms as something else. But burying my head in the sand won't help me address issues. Am I in perimenopause? I have no idea, and there are no tests that can be run. If my next period doesn't come, you can bet I'll be finding the money somewhere to go see a doctor. Meanwhile, time to woman-up and admit I'm getting ... not older ... just into the prime of my life.
Merry Christmas, indeed!
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