A Kiss is Just A Kiss...
Kiss ~verb:
1. to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc.
2. to join lips with in this way
3. to touch gently or lightly
4. to put, bring, take, etc., by, or as if by, kissing
5. to make slight contact with or brush (i.e., billiards)
~verb without object
6. to join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etc.
7. to express a thought, feeling, etc., by a contact of the lips
8. to purse and then part the lips, emitting a smacking sound, as in kissing someone
9. to carom gently off or touch another (i.e., billiards)
And the list goes on when you get into the noun definitions. (These all came from my Dictionary.com app.)
Famed psychologist Sigmund Freud's definition is more graphic, being something about the pressing together of mucus membranes. But no matter how you define what a kiss is, what cannot be defined is how people value a kiss, what kind of weight they put on the action.
Over the past couple of days, ever since J3's kiss, I've been thinking about what kissing means. This was further spurred on my a conversation with J2 and other folks. One thing is true: you cannot say "it was just a kiss," because that will mean something different to everyone.
For me, how big of a deal a kiss is depends on what kind of kiss it is. Most first kisses, most end-of-date kisses, are the pecks. Unless there's some serious chemistry between the two people, that kiss is about as hot as the one you give your grandmother when you visit her. It is the same kind of kiss that I give my platonic friends (generally gay men) whom I will greet or say goodbye to with a kiss. Until J3, it was the kind of kiss I would get at the end of a first date. To me, those are no big deal, no sign of commitment, no deep desire. Just a physical indication of general attraction and thanks.
Then you get into the deeper kisses. You know what I'm talking about, where the lips aren't pursed but mouths are actually open, where tongues get involved. The kisses that go on for more than a second or two. Those kisses mean a whole heck of a lot more. Those kisses definitely indicate desire and passion, things deeper than just "you're cute and this was a fun evening." The kisses that days later as you remember them, you still get a little flushed.
Those are the kisses I give weight and meaning to. But, that is just how I see it.
J2 and J1 -- remember him, the clingy, recent divorcee? -- both have similar opinions on kissing. For them any kiss carries meaning. Think the movie "Pretty Woman," where Julia Roberts's character says she doesn't kiss on the mouth, and of course by the end of the movie when she kisses Richard Gere, we all knew it was because she'd fallen in love. For J1, he went for the end-of-date kiss, which for me fell into the first category. To me, no big deal. To him, a big deal. I learned that when we were talking on the phone the next day, and he asked for my last name because "after all, I've even kissed you."
Yesterday, as J2 and I were texting, we also got on the subject of kissing. Since his divorce, he's only kissed one woman. In response to my inquiring, he's been divorced for almost 3 years, separated for an additional year. In almost 4 years of dating, he's only kissed one woman. To him, a kiss, even a simple peck, really has meaning.
Those two almost make me feel like a trashy whore, since I couldn't begin to count the number of men I've kissed. That is, if a simple lip-to-lip peck is the sum total definition of "kiss." I love my gay boys, what can I say?
Now since I'm not completely one to... um... kiss and tell... I'll let you figure out what kind of kiss I got from J3. What I will tell you is that there will be a third date. We confirmed our mutual desire for that this morning, and are comparing schedules.
And still hovering in the background is J2, who continues to be supportive all the while dropping hints to make sure I remember he, too, is interested in dating me. Like somehow I would forget that. Can't knock him for being the squeaky wheel, though!
So is a kiss really just a kiss? What are your thoughts?
1. to touch or press with the lips slightly pursed, and then often to part them and to emit a smacking sound in an expression of affection, love, greeting, reverence, etc.
2. to join lips with in this way
3. to touch gently or lightly
4. to put, bring, take, etc., by, or as if by, kissing
5. to make slight contact with or brush (i.e., billiards)
~verb without object
6. to join lips in respect, affection, love, passion, etc.
7. to express a thought, feeling, etc., by a contact of the lips
8. to purse and then part the lips, emitting a smacking sound, as in kissing someone
9. to carom gently off or touch another (i.e., billiards)
And the list goes on when you get into the noun definitions. (These all came from my Dictionary.com app.)
Famed psychologist Sigmund Freud's definition is more graphic, being something about the pressing together of mucus membranes. But no matter how you define what a kiss is, what cannot be defined is how people value a kiss, what kind of weight they put on the action.
Over the past couple of days, ever since J3's kiss, I've been thinking about what kissing means. This was further spurred on my a conversation with J2 and other folks. One thing is true: you cannot say "it was just a kiss," because that will mean something different to everyone.
For me, how big of a deal a kiss is depends on what kind of kiss it is. Most first kisses, most end-of-date kisses, are the pecks. Unless there's some serious chemistry between the two people, that kiss is about as hot as the one you give your grandmother when you visit her. It is the same kind of kiss that I give my platonic friends (generally gay men) whom I will greet or say goodbye to with a kiss. Until J3, it was the kind of kiss I would get at the end of a first date. To me, those are no big deal, no sign of commitment, no deep desire. Just a physical indication of general attraction and thanks.
Then you get into the deeper kisses. You know what I'm talking about, where the lips aren't pursed but mouths are actually open, where tongues get involved. The kisses that go on for more than a second or two. Those kisses mean a whole heck of a lot more. Those kisses definitely indicate desire and passion, things deeper than just "you're cute and this was a fun evening." The kisses that days later as you remember them, you still get a little flushed.
Those are the kisses I give weight and meaning to. But, that is just how I see it.
J2 and J1 -- remember him, the clingy, recent divorcee? -- both have similar opinions on kissing. For them any kiss carries meaning. Think the movie "Pretty Woman," where Julia Roberts's character says she doesn't kiss on the mouth, and of course by the end of the movie when she kisses Richard Gere, we all knew it was because she'd fallen in love. For J1, he went for the end-of-date kiss, which for me fell into the first category. To me, no big deal. To him, a big deal. I learned that when we were talking on the phone the next day, and he asked for my last name because "after all, I've even kissed you."
Yesterday, as J2 and I were texting, we also got on the subject of kissing. Since his divorce, he's only kissed one woman. In response to my inquiring, he's been divorced for almost 3 years, separated for an additional year. In almost 4 years of dating, he's only kissed one woman. To him, a kiss, even a simple peck, really has meaning.
Those two almost make me feel like a trashy whore, since I couldn't begin to count the number of men I've kissed. That is, if a simple lip-to-lip peck is the sum total definition of "kiss." I love my gay boys, what can I say?
Now since I'm not completely one to... um... kiss and tell... I'll let you figure out what kind of kiss I got from J3. What I will tell you is that there will be a third date. We confirmed our mutual desire for that this morning, and are comparing schedules.
And still hovering in the background is J2, who continues to be supportive all the while dropping hints to make sure I remember he, too, is interested in dating me. Like somehow I would forget that. Can't knock him for being the squeaky wheel, though!
So is a kiss really just a kiss? What are your thoughts?
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