A Quick Check-in, Update
Just a quick post to let you all know how I'm doing.
The anti-depressants are successfully handling the crazy train side effects of the Depo. They have put me in a place where I can feel "normal," and given my life right now, "normal" includes the to-be-expected feeling blue. I really feel like I can now focus on grieving the ended relationship instead of just leveling myself out.
To that end, he and I are still communicating, sort of. He's being a bit stand-offish, and I can't blame him. It turns out he is also being that way with our mutual friends. L and I went to lunch a few days ago, and we agree it is a defense mechanism for him. His heart has been hurt so many times, that it is understandable that when something like this happens, he will wall himself off. It is taking an enormous amount of patience for me to just wait on God and wait on him, but so far I'm doing it.
I have been told by trusted friends that my ... strategy, for lack of a better word ... is smart and "the right thing." That reminded me of a time during my Masters when my roommate came to me for advice. When I gave it to her, she said something like, "You really understand relationships and have it figured out. All you need now is to find someone -- how has that not yet happened?"
Yep. And that was 13, 14 years ago.
Otherwise, my appetite has pulled a Houdini. When food is in front of me, generally I'm hungry enough to eat. Getting motivated to eat is another issue. I've lost 5 or so pounds. Part of it is stress and depression, and part of it is that one of my meds has the side effect of appetite suppression. On top of that, I'm exercising more than usual, craving the endorphin release and enjoying the outdoors while we have sun, as it is supposed to rain again most of this week.
I am at the point where I'm a little bitter about relationships. I see pictures posted by my friends of them and their significant other, spouse, partner, and it is like a knife through the heart. Love songs? Forget it! I miss the ex terribly, more than I've ever missed anyone before. So often I want to reach out to him, to send him a text about something crazy or great that happened, or have a conversation about music or theology. I miss being in his arms, driving with him enjoying comfortable silences, and the physical part of our relationship.
The man is a fantastic kisser, what can I say?
I know what I am feeling is normal. It just really sucks. If you are prone to prayer or spiritual thoughts, I would appreciate an extra dose right now. I'll try to check-in here every week or so, more often if something actually happens.
Peace.
The anti-depressants are successfully handling the crazy train side effects of the Depo. They have put me in a place where I can feel "normal," and given my life right now, "normal" includes the to-be-expected feeling blue. I really feel like I can now focus on grieving the ended relationship instead of just leveling myself out.
To that end, he and I are still communicating, sort of. He's being a bit stand-offish, and I can't blame him. It turns out he is also being that way with our mutual friends. L and I went to lunch a few days ago, and we agree it is a defense mechanism for him. His heart has been hurt so many times, that it is understandable that when something like this happens, he will wall himself off. It is taking an enormous amount of patience for me to just wait on God and wait on him, but so far I'm doing it.
I have been told by trusted friends that my ... strategy, for lack of a better word ... is smart and "the right thing." That reminded me of a time during my Masters when my roommate came to me for advice. When I gave it to her, she said something like, "You really understand relationships and have it figured out. All you need now is to find someone -- how has that not yet happened?"
Yep. And that was 13, 14 years ago.
Otherwise, my appetite has pulled a Houdini. When food is in front of me, generally I'm hungry enough to eat. Getting motivated to eat is another issue. I've lost 5 or so pounds. Part of it is stress and depression, and part of it is that one of my meds has the side effect of appetite suppression. On top of that, I'm exercising more than usual, craving the endorphin release and enjoying the outdoors while we have sun, as it is supposed to rain again most of this week.
I am at the point where I'm a little bitter about relationships. I see pictures posted by my friends of them and their significant other, spouse, partner, and it is like a knife through the heart. Love songs? Forget it! I miss the ex terribly, more than I've ever missed anyone before. So often I want to reach out to him, to send him a text about something crazy or great that happened, or have a conversation about music or theology. I miss being in his arms, driving with him enjoying comfortable silences, and the physical part of our relationship.
The man is a fantastic kisser, what can I say?
I know what I am feeling is normal. It just really sucks. If you are prone to prayer or spiritual thoughts, I would appreciate an extra dose right now. I'll try to check-in here every week or so, more often if something actually happens.
Peace.
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