The Path to Self, and a Bullhorn
I tend to be a voracious reader, but admittedly it is of a few select genres. Give me a murder mystery, forensic thriller, and I will escape into that world, devouring the story at around 100 pages per hour. Having a vivid imagination and the ability to connect deeply with fictional characters -- I'm not quite one of those people who cry at dog food commercials, but I'm pretty close -- books are a way for me to leave my real world and go visit an old friend or six.
In spite of being a hopeless romantic, I'm not the biggest reader of romance novels. I have a few on my rather stuffed bookshelf, down on the bottom below my extensive collection of Patricia Cornwell, Kathy Reichs, John Stafford, Dan Brown, Harry Potter, and many others. I once read a Danielle Steel novel while on a gig; my homestay hosts had it on the shelf in their guest bungalow where I was staying. One was enough for me.
Non-fiction and self-help have held little interest for me. I suppose the former, non-fiction, rarely holds interest for me because having 11+ years of college education, I have spent countless hours reading solely for information that I was expected to regurgitate on an exam or in a paper. No matter how interesting or fascinating, the fact it was "an assignment" to be read by a certain time took out a large portion of the joy of reading it. The latter, self-help, has never interested me because I have always had this innate need to appear to the world that I am fine, I am in control, my spirituality is deep enough where I don't need "help." I suppose it is my own personal stigma.
A little less than a week ago, a good friend of mine messaged me asking for my address. She said she had "a book" she wanted to send me. Shortly after, she told me she was actually sending me four books. I thought she was pulling these from her own library so I could borrow them, and after having read them, return them. Imagine my surprise when a box came from Amazon.com with "my gift" of four books.
The first one I have chosen to read is "The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing" by Dr. Deepak Chopra. Many of you are probably familiar with that name; he is frequently quoted because he possesses great spiritual depth and has a gift for concise yet quite meaningful statements. In other words, he's easily quotable. He blends Christianity, the spiritual practices of his childhood in India, psychology, and psychiatry. into an exploration of love, ego, and divinity. I am not quite halfway through the book, which is over 300 pages, but already I have learned three important things.
1. This is a book I will need to re-read as my life situations change again. It is not necessarily aimed at those suffering from break-up or lost love, but anyone who is struggling with love and relationships. Some of the advice and practices are definitely geared towards those in a relationship, be it marriage or some sort of committed dating relationship. Yet, much of it can be applied to anyone. I believe what I glean from it is largely determined by what I am going through. Certainly if I had read it 3 weeks ago, when the ex and I had just started dating, I would be viewing it through a different lens.
2. I have gained unexpected insights into the ex. I'm not going to divulge or psycho-analyze here; that is not my place and it is time for me to quit using him and his actions as justification for anything. However, it has been eye-opening to read in Chopra's book things like "someone who feels ________ will say _______," that last blank being something I had heard the ex say. Suddenly, I realize why he said that, even though he may not know it. Or, substitute the word "say" with "do," and the same applies.
3. I am stronger, healthier, and much more spiritually deep than I ever have given myself credit for. The book is about finding the path to "Self," or as some others may put it, learning to love yourself first. That latter phrase can seem so arrogant, but I have said it more than once on this blog: if I can't love myself, or be happy with who I am, how can I expect to be happy with someone else? The whole concept is rather complex, even though it is very well laid out by Chopra. But through many of the exercises I have already done, it has become clear to me that although I am far from perfect or ideal, I am well on my way down the path to Self.
Here is where the bullhorn comes in. A couple nights ago, as I was having dinner with my friend L, we discussed how God talks to us. She does not necessarily believe in "God's will" or "God's plan," but as someone who has a Masters Degree in Spirituality, she does believe in spiritual (God) guiding -- as long as our hearts are open to it. It is not uncommon for me, in times of trial, to return to a more ardent life of prayer and study of the scriptures. As ashamed as I may be to admit this, that is often short-lived. I "recover" from whatever trial I am enduring, and once all is well I go back to my "normal" spiritual walk, which isn't nearly as intense or even dedicated as it probably should be.
In our discussion, L and I compared ways God talks to us. She believes it is almost always the "still, small voice." I said he sometimes uses a 2x4 and knocks us upside the head. She disagreed with that statement, saying that it is humans who use the heavy-handed tactics. However, I have felt for years that sometimes God is not what we might call subtle. Look at the story of Jonah. I really think God could have used something other than "a large fish" swallowing him to get His point across, but no. Jonah was knocked out of a boat and spent some time in the belly of what was most likely a whale.
Not exactly subtle.
Lately, as I've been praying over this situation, God has been speaking to me in unexpected yet very clear ways. The praise/prayer song I wrote was the tip of the iceberg. I have been blessed by random acts of kindness from friends. I am amazed at how many people are praying for me. And every time I turn around, it seems, God is putting a pertinent passage of scripture in my way.
I have an app on my phone that is the Bible in multiple translations. Actually, I have two of them, but there is one I use much more often than the other. Every time you launch it, you are given a "verse of the day." The past three days, those verses of the day have been exactly what I've needed to hear. My non-religious or non-Christian friends will probably write this off as coincidence. But as a woman who is trying to make sure her path to Self -- which, as outlined by Chopra, means a complete union with God and Spirit -- I see these as guide posts, making sure I stay on the right path.
Life is a constant journey, shaped by the choices we make and the leading we choose to listen to. I am in a good place now. I feel strong, stable, and capable. It will still be some time before I feel ready to give dating another try, but I know that day will come. And when it does, I will be ready.
In spite of being a hopeless romantic, I'm not the biggest reader of romance novels. I have a few on my rather stuffed bookshelf, down on the bottom below my extensive collection of Patricia Cornwell, Kathy Reichs, John Stafford, Dan Brown, Harry Potter, and many others. I once read a Danielle Steel novel while on a gig; my homestay hosts had it on the shelf in their guest bungalow where I was staying. One was enough for me.
Non-fiction and self-help have held little interest for me. I suppose the former, non-fiction, rarely holds interest for me because having 11+ years of college education, I have spent countless hours reading solely for information that I was expected to regurgitate on an exam or in a paper. No matter how interesting or fascinating, the fact it was "an assignment" to be read by a certain time took out a large portion of the joy of reading it. The latter, self-help, has never interested me because I have always had this innate need to appear to the world that I am fine, I am in control, my spirituality is deep enough where I don't need "help." I suppose it is my own personal stigma.
A little less than a week ago, a good friend of mine messaged me asking for my address. She said she had "a book" she wanted to send me. Shortly after, she told me she was actually sending me four books. I thought she was pulling these from her own library so I could borrow them, and after having read them, return them. Imagine my surprise when a box came from Amazon.com with "my gift" of four books.
The first one I have chosen to read is "The Path to Love: Spiritual Strategies for Healing" by Dr. Deepak Chopra. Many of you are probably familiar with that name; he is frequently quoted because he possesses great spiritual depth and has a gift for concise yet quite meaningful statements. In other words, he's easily quotable. He blends Christianity, the spiritual practices of his childhood in India, psychology, and psychiatry. into an exploration of love, ego, and divinity. I am not quite halfway through the book, which is over 300 pages, but already I have learned three important things.
1. This is a book I will need to re-read as my life situations change again. It is not necessarily aimed at those suffering from break-up or lost love, but anyone who is struggling with love and relationships. Some of the advice and practices are definitely geared towards those in a relationship, be it marriage or some sort of committed dating relationship. Yet, much of it can be applied to anyone. I believe what I glean from it is largely determined by what I am going through. Certainly if I had read it 3 weeks ago, when the ex and I had just started dating, I would be viewing it through a different lens.
2. I have gained unexpected insights into the ex. I'm not going to divulge or psycho-analyze here; that is not my place and it is time for me to quit using him and his actions as justification for anything. However, it has been eye-opening to read in Chopra's book things like "someone who feels ________ will say _______," that last blank being something I had heard the ex say. Suddenly, I realize why he said that, even though he may not know it. Or, substitute the word "say" with "do," and the same applies.
3. I am stronger, healthier, and much more spiritually deep than I ever have given myself credit for. The book is about finding the path to "Self," or as some others may put it, learning to love yourself first. That latter phrase can seem so arrogant, but I have said it more than once on this blog: if I can't love myself, or be happy with who I am, how can I expect to be happy with someone else? The whole concept is rather complex, even though it is very well laid out by Chopra. But through many of the exercises I have already done, it has become clear to me that although I am far from perfect or ideal, I am well on my way down the path to Self.
Here is where the bullhorn comes in. A couple nights ago, as I was having dinner with my friend L, we discussed how God talks to us. She does not necessarily believe in "God's will" or "God's plan," but as someone who has a Masters Degree in Spirituality, she does believe in spiritual (God) guiding -- as long as our hearts are open to it. It is not uncommon for me, in times of trial, to return to a more ardent life of prayer and study of the scriptures. As ashamed as I may be to admit this, that is often short-lived. I "recover" from whatever trial I am enduring, and once all is well I go back to my "normal" spiritual walk, which isn't nearly as intense or even dedicated as it probably should be.
In our discussion, L and I compared ways God talks to us. She believes it is almost always the "still, small voice." I said he sometimes uses a 2x4 and knocks us upside the head. She disagreed with that statement, saying that it is humans who use the heavy-handed tactics. However, I have felt for years that sometimes God is not what we might call subtle. Look at the story of Jonah. I really think God could have used something other than "a large fish" swallowing him to get His point across, but no. Jonah was knocked out of a boat and spent some time in the belly of what was most likely a whale.
Not exactly subtle.
Lately, as I've been praying over this situation, God has been speaking to me in unexpected yet very clear ways. The praise/prayer song I wrote was the tip of the iceberg. I have been blessed by random acts of kindness from friends. I am amazed at how many people are praying for me. And every time I turn around, it seems, God is putting a pertinent passage of scripture in my way.
I have an app on my phone that is the Bible in multiple translations. Actually, I have two of them, but there is one I use much more often than the other. Every time you launch it, you are given a "verse of the day." The past three days, those verses of the day have been exactly what I've needed to hear. My non-religious or non-Christian friends will probably write this off as coincidence. But as a woman who is trying to make sure her path to Self -- which, as outlined by Chopra, means a complete union with God and Spirit -- I see these as guide posts, making sure I stay on the right path.
Life is a constant journey, shaped by the choices we make and the leading we choose to listen to. I am in a good place now. I feel strong, stable, and capable. It will still be some time before I feel ready to give dating another try, but I know that day will come. And when it does, I will be ready.
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