A Tale of Two Kitties
I have always been a cat person. Growing up, there were always cats in my house. My first word as an infant was "kitty." I have the "I Can Haz Cheezburger" app on my phone. I'm not a crazy cat lady, but my furballs mean an awful lot to me.
I have two of them: Tabitha and Simon. They are 13 and 12, respectively, and I've had them each since they were about 6 months old. They have been with me through 3 major moves, some really great times, and some really, really awful ones. I can count on them for unconditional love, snuggles and companionship; they will greet me at the door; they will leave copious amounts of fur on my belongings; and unfortunately they will also leave the occasional spot of pee or barf on the carpet. Even as I write this post, Tabitha is napping alongside me, gently purring. They are my babies.
In his own words, the BF "does not do cats." At first, I thought this simply an aversion, knowing that he made an ex get rid of her cat. My father was the same way when he met my mother -- and the BF and my father share many similarities. My cats don't "act like cats," so I thought he'd perhaps come around over time.
Last night he came to my house for the first time. Earlier in the week, he'd sent home with me a sack containing several things to be left at my house: a stick of deodorant, a toothbrush, a bar of his preferred soap, etc. Friday he came over with a bag, prepared to spend the night.
A little over 2 hours later, he was out the door on his way home.
In spite of his denials, I suspect he's allergic to cats. Things like a sore throat, itchy eyes, and impacted breathing are all classic signs of an allergic reaction. But for him, it is also the mess that is cats. Being a very neat, fastidious, even, person, the fur and the litter boxes are pretty much more than he can handle.
This, coming from a man who says he wants children someday. And he can't handle the mess of a pet?
He's made it clear he isn't going to ask me to get rid of my "precious babies." (His wording.) He was upfront in that he knows they've been in my life much, much longer than he has. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt me, but in reality that was unavoidable. He felt bad, seeing the look in my eyes, and tried his best to get me to smile. He headed home, and after packing a bag, I followed shortly thereafter.
In my bag was a sack containing all the things he'd sent over in advance: the deodorant, the toothbrush, the bar of soap. He's never going to be able to stay at my place, and seeing those things in my house, in my bathroom, are a constant reminder of that. I'm a very visual person; there's no getting around it. As hard as it was to put those things back in their boxes and in a bag, I knew I'd be better off overall if I did it.
I feel awful. I have a wonderful guy who can't come to my home. I have two animals that have been at my side for 12 and 13 years -- and I am a person who believes a pet is a life-long commitment. At his house, we talked about it a little bit. I explained that I am hard-wired a certain way: I have to be a perfect hostess. Whenever someone comes into my home, be them family, friend, or lover, everything has to be just so. If they leave and things were not "perfect," I feel like a complete and total failure. It wasn't necessarily anything he did or said, it is just part of who I am.
As a result, I feel like we're at a weird point. Over-analytical me, he's been sending a ton of what I interpret as "mixed signals." So many things are swirling through my head, but as tempted as I am to analyze them in great detail here, I know I am better off if I don't. I have to keep forefront in my mind that being in a real, actual relationship is unfamiliar ground for me. The dynamics are different. Also added to the mix: a new medication.
After talking with the BF and with my doctor, I went on Depo-Provera, also known as the birth control shot. Common side effects include weight gain and... depression. I am already a chronic depressive, and I suspect that the Depo has triggered another episode. I'm doing my damndest to keep it from the BF, but it is taking an enormous amount of resolve.
If this is really meant to be, things will work out. I have to keep that kind of faith. And until then, I have to keep my chin up and be the best girlfriend I can be, remembering that I'm human. Nobody's perfect.
I have two of them: Tabitha and Simon. They are 13 and 12, respectively, and I've had them each since they were about 6 months old. They have been with me through 3 major moves, some really great times, and some really, really awful ones. I can count on them for unconditional love, snuggles and companionship; they will greet me at the door; they will leave copious amounts of fur on my belongings; and unfortunately they will also leave the occasional spot of pee or barf on the carpet. Even as I write this post, Tabitha is napping alongside me, gently purring. They are my babies.
In his own words, the BF "does not do cats." At first, I thought this simply an aversion, knowing that he made an ex get rid of her cat. My father was the same way when he met my mother -- and the BF and my father share many similarities. My cats don't "act like cats," so I thought he'd perhaps come around over time.
Last night he came to my house for the first time. Earlier in the week, he'd sent home with me a sack containing several things to be left at my house: a stick of deodorant, a toothbrush, a bar of his preferred soap, etc. Friday he came over with a bag, prepared to spend the night.
A little over 2 hours later, he was out the door on his way home.
In spite of his denials, I suspect he's allergic to cats. Things like a sore throat, itchy eyes, and impacted breathing are all classic signs of an allergic reaction. But for him, it is also the mess that is cats. Being a very neat, fastidious, even, person, the fur and the litter boxes are pretty much more than he can handle.
This, coming from a man who says he wants children someday. And he can't handle the mess of a pet?
He's made it clear he isn't going to ask me to get rid of my "precious babies." (His wording.) He was upfront in that he knows they've been in my life much, much longer than he has. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt me, but in reality that was unavoidable. He felt bad, seeing the look in my eyes, and tried his best to get me to smile. He headed home, and after packing a bag, I followed shortly thereafter.
In my bag was a sack containing all the things he'd sent over in advance: the deodorant, the toothbrush, the bar of soap. He's never going to be able to stay at my place, and seeing those things in my house, in my bathroom, are a constant reminder of that. I'm a very visual person; there's no getting around it. As hard as it was to put those things back in their boxes and in a bag, I knew I'd be better off overall if I did it.
I feel awful. I have a wonderful guy who can't come to my home. I have two animals that have been at my side for 12 and 13 years -- and I am a person who believes a pet is a life-long commitment. At his house, we talked about it a little bit. I explained that I am hard-wired a certain way: I have to be a perfect hostess. Whenever someone comes into my home, be them family, friend, or lover, everything has to be just so. If they leave and things were not "perfect," I feel like a complete and total failure. It wasn't necessarily anything he did or said, it is just part of who I am.
As a result, I feel like we're at a weird point. Over-analytical me, he's been sending a ton of what I interpret as "mixed signals." So many things are swirling through my head, but as tempted as I am to analyze them in great detail here, I know I am better off if I don't. I have to keep forefront in my mind that being in a real, actual relationship is unfamiliar ground for me. The dynamics are different. Also added to the mix: a new medication.
After talking with the BF and with my doctor, I went on Depo-Provera, also known as the birth control shot. Common side effects include weight gain and... depression. I am already a chronic depressive, and I suspect that the Depo has triggered another episode. I'm doing my damndest to keep it from the BF, but it is taking an enormous amount of resolve.
If this is really meant to be, things will work out. I have to keep that kind of faith. And until then, I have to keep my chin up and be the best girlfriend I can be, remembering that I'm human. Nobody's perfect.
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