Digging Deep
After further ruminations about last night's debacle, one thing is clear: I need to end this, whatever it is, and soon.
Bachelor #3 is just a puppy. He's all a-twitter over me because of my looks, primarily, but also over this "amazing connection" he feels that I just don't. I thought I might. I thought something was developing. He had the right things to say at the right time, and it catered to my biggest dating flaw.
My biggest dating flaw is this: I let things go too far with guys I'm not really interested in simply because they are interested in me. It's the intoxication of being pursued, of another person finding you desirable. I do believe that certain situations attraction can develop, but there has to be some sort of good foundation.
Unfortunately, he's fallen for me, and I only fell for the idea of someone wanting me.
It is not often I regret my dating decisions. I usually take them in stride as an important learning experience, realizing that dating is not something that is perfect. Every frog you kiss gets you closer to your prince is how I tend to view it.
But sometimes that frog is a tar baby. I fear Bachelor #3 is going to be a tar baby. I have mixed feelings over the fact that I haven't heard from him yet today. Usually by now I've had a few text messages. Then again, I haven't reached out to him at all, either. I do not want to call this off via text message. I've been the recipient of that more than once and I refuse to do it to someone else.
I am also having to come to terms with the fact that the last time I dumped someone was back in high school. Gulp.
Oh sure, I've been in relationships and dated plenty of guys since then. But those have mostly ended either by mutual agreement or the guy calling it off. Yes, there have been a few guys on Match who I eventually had to tell I didn't want a second date, but I hadn't made the idiotic decision with them I did with Bachelor #3. Granted, it's been a long dry spell and a couple days of priming via adult texting does wonders to crank up the hormones. I did what I did, enjoyed some of it, and now I need to move on and get over the fact that I did it.
And figure out how to tell him it isn't going to happen again.
I've thought about asking him if we could change our plans for something much more casual and low-key. For example, coffee, rather than dinner at a classy restaurant. I've thought about emailing him, which is kind of spineless, but he knows that I'm a written communication girl. I've thought about just cancelling tomorrow with no specific reason, saying I need to reschedule because "something came up." He spent so much of last night using self-deprecating humor that I couldn't tell when he was being serious with his comments and when it was just that: humor.
I'm not looking to break anyone's heart, but in this case it may be inevitable.
I've even thought about IM-ing the ex and asking for his advice on dumping overly-attached significant others, but I'm sure he'd tell me to just make it quick and clean. You know, like he did to me. Ha!
But seriously, this is quite the dilemma, at least for me. I think he knows my interest has waned. He kept making jokes about me cancelling on him for Friday night and about my "disappointment" in his appearance. I recognize the type of humor because I use it as well, although I'm trying to stop. Even when I told him to stop with those kinds of jokes, he kept up with it. He thought he was being funny and cute. I thought he was being annoying.
Meanwhile, I texted Bachelor #2 again. We did agree to be friends, and he did reach out to me a few days ago seeing if I'd be up for a walk in the park, which I had to turn down for 100% legitimate reasons. So I've texted him saying that the weather this weekend is supposed to be beautiful, and was he still interested in that walk? Not looking to pursue anything there other than a friendship. And of course I'm back out active on Match.
So now I just have to figure out how to end things with #3. Sigh.
Bachelor #3 is just a puppy. He's all a-twitter over me because of my looks, primarily, but also over this "amazing connection" he feels that I just don't. I thought I might. I thought something was developing. He had the right things to say at the right time, and it catered to my biggest dating flaw.
My biggest dating flaw is this: I let things go too far with guys I'm not really interested in simply because they are interested in me. It's the intoxication of being pursued, of another person finding you desirable. I do believe that certain situations attraction can develop, but there has to be some sort of good foundation.
Unfortunately, he's fallen for me, and I only fell for the idea of someone wanting me.
It is not often I regret my dating decisions. I usually take them in stride as an important learning experience, realizing that dating is not something that is perfect. Every frog you kiss gets you closer to your prince is how I tend to view it.
But sometimes that frog is a tar baby. I fear Bachelor #3 is going to be a tar baby. I have mixed feelings over the fact that I haven't heard from him yet today. Usually by now I've had a few text messages. Then again, I haven't reached out to him at all, either. I do not want to call this off via text message. I've been the recipient of that more than once and I refuse to do it to someone else.
I am also having to come to terms with the fact that the last time I dumped someone was back in high school. Gulp.
Oh sure, I've been in relationships and dated plenty of guys since then. But those have mostly ended either by mutual agreement or the guy calling it off. Yes, there have been a few guys on Match who I eventually had to tell I didn't want a second date, but I hadn't made the idiotic decision with them I did with Bachelor #3. Granted, it's been a long dry spell and a couple days of priming via adult texting does wonders to crank up the hormones. I did what I did, enjoyed some of it, and now I need to move on and get over the fact that I did it.
And figure out how to tell him it isn't going to happen again.
I've thought about asking him if we could change our plans for something much more casual and low-key. For example, coffee, rather than dinner at a classy restaurant. I've thought about emailing him, which is kind of spineless, but he knows that I'm a written communication girl. I've thought about just cancelling tomorrow with no specific reason, saying I need to reschedule because "something came up." He spent so much of last night using self-deprecating humor that I couldn't tell when he was being serious with his comments and when it was just that: humor.
I'm not looking to break anyone's heart, but in this case it may be inevitable.
I've even thought about IM-ing the ex and asking for his advice on dumping overly-attached significant others, but I'm sure he'd tell me to just make it quick and clean. You know, like he did to me. Ha!
But seriously, this is quite the dilemma, at least for me. I think he knows my interest has waned. He kept making jokes about me cancelling on him for Friday night and about my "disappointment" in his appearance. I recognize the type of humor because I use it as well, although I'm trying to stop. Even when I told him to stop with those kinds of jokes, he kept up with it. He thought he was being funny and cute. I thought he was being annoying.
Meanwhile, I texted Bachelor #2 again. We did agree to be friends, and he did reach out to me a few days ago seeing if I'd be up for a walk in the park, which I had to turn down for 100% legitimate reasons. So I've texted him saying that the weather this weekend is supposed to be beautiful, and was he still interested in that walk? Not looking to pursue anything there other than a friendship. And of course I'm back out active on Match.
So now I just have to figure out how to end things with #3. Sigh.
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