Of Friends and Stalkers

To steal from a meme I posted on Facebook, friendship is weird. I mean, think about it. You meet someone and something just clicks and you decide you like that person and you want to do stuff with them, so you do. Rare is it that you can pinpoint an exact moment where you said, "we are friends now."

Stalkers are something else.

Remember the kid who was coming after me and coming after me? The one I was pretty certain was married or in a relationship? The one I had to tell more than once to "find someone else?" I thought that was done. I thought he had gotten the message loud and clear. I thought he was gone.

I thought wrong.

Last night, about 24 hours after the final text exchange, I had a missed call. From him. No voicemail, just a missed call. I legitimately missed it; I was in rehearsal. Coming out of rehearsal and seeing that unnerved me. I texted a couple of trusted friends in my frustration, panic, and unease. Then I did something that, for whatever reason, was really hard for me to do: I blocked him.

It's a wonderful feature on iPhones running iOS 7: "block this contact." It's reversible, but when selected all texts and calls from that person are blocked. The blocked caller has no way of knowing for sure that they have been blocked. Calls will ring once and then go to voicemail - a voicemail that can be recorded but the receiver is never notified of. Texts go through without issue, but obviously there's no reply.

He knows very little about me, but a few dollars and someone's phone number can get you more info than you bargained for on the Internet. I am vigilant about sites like Spokeo, which is little more than a public data mining site, but there are public records. It is almost impossible to not leave an electronic paper trail these days. I had to nip it in the bud before it got any more out of hand and he showed up at my door unexpectedly.

On the flip side of the coin are friends. I used to say that I've remained friends with most every guy I've dated, but the more guys I date the less truthful that becomes. That's the thing about sites like Match, eHarmony, etcetera. In spite of the thousands upon thousands of profiles that say, "I want to start as friends and see where it goes from there," or, "I'm looking for my best friend," it's a dating website. People are there for romantic relationships. (Or, hookups.) It is not uncommon to meet someone that would make a great friend, but there's just no spark there for romance, so it is called off and you basically never talk again, even if you say, "let's be friends."

I have been on dates with, at this point, probably a couple dozen guys from Match. There has not been a nasty split or end to anything among the lot of them. Plenty of mutual agreements that we didn't want to see each other, but nothing mean, no angry arguments, no end-of-relationship/date fights or drama. There have been a couple where we've said, "hey, if you want a friend to go to a movie with, just text," but of course the texts never come.

And of course, there's J/Gerber/let's-make-me-a-cougar. We decided we didn't want a dating relationship but yes, let's stay... friends.

But I digress. Remember Bachelor #2? He didn't feel a spark, which was fine with me. I had said to him that if he wanted a movie bud, just holler. The next day he asked if I'd be up for a walk. I wasn't available at the time he suggested. A few days later, I returned the suggestion. He said he'd "like that," but then I didn't hear from him again.

Sounds like a great friendship, doesn't it?

So tonight I get in from teaching a Zumba class and make dinner. My plan: eat dinner, watch mindless TV, and get reacquainted with my couch. It's gotten pretty lonely, you know. I made it all of two bites into dinner when Bachelor #2 texted inviting me to a movie. Tonight. I accepted.

After inhaling my dinner and doing a quick clean-up, I met him at the theater. He paid; I didn't even have a nanosecond chance to buy my own ticket. He bought the snacks I didn't particularly want, but of course I ate some of the popcorn anyway. We chatted. We watched the movie. There was physical contact; among other things apparently I make a great pillow for leaning upon. (It was that way on our second date, too.) He walked me to my car and we hugged good night. It was a comfortable evening, all in all.

Here's my take on it. First of all, he's a bit of a loner. We'd talked about that early on. I also think he's just awkward around women. I can understand, because whether or not we care to admit it our society bases beauty and attraction on physical shape. He's lost a ton of weight, and now he attracts a different class of women. It's new territory for him, I think.

He can't remember how long it has been since he's had sex. I think he really doesn't know quite what to do around women anymore.

Back in my first round on Match, I ended up with a bit of a tar baby with a guy who was a recent divorcee. How recent? His ex-wife had only moved out of the house a couple weeks prior to our date. Uh, yeah. That didn't work for many reasons, all of them mine, but as we parted ways he told me I was the best person he could have gone on his first post-divorce date with. I was patient, understanding, and willing to teach, within reason.

I suspect I may be doing some of that for Bachelor #2 - safely helping him figure out his mojo, being a "wing chick" for him perhaps. That's fine, perfectly fine. I really don't know how I feel about him, so friendship is something I'm honestly happy with. We get along well, share a very similar sense of humor and we've been comfortable bantering with each other from day one.

From here, who knows. Match has been pretty quiet for me lately, a handful of winks and maybe an email or two, but that's it. I haven't been doing much initiating, either; my Daily Matches have been chock full of "maybes" and "oh, no" candidates. After all, today marks only 30 days back on Match. If the next 30 have half the drama of the first 30, that will still be plenty of fodder for this blog!