One Little Thing

This is just a somewhat silly observational post, not really relevant to current events. Meaning, there's no drama or reporting or ridiculous analysis, just this observation. Okay, a little seriousness comes in, but there's no dating updates.

If you're out on the dating scene regularly, have you ever noticed that before a big date there will be one thing, and one thing only, that seems to go awry with your appearance? One little thing that makes you uncomfortable or self-conscious the entire time?

Maybe you chip your new manicure. That one chunk of hair just refuses to lay properly, regardless of how much product you use. You discover you missed a spot shaving. Suddenly you have a zit burgeoning, threatening to make its appearance mid-date, like a sudden eruption on your face during the salad course. Those shoes that were just fine for weeks are now uncomfortable. Without warning, your allergies kick in and your eyeliner goes from runway model to Gene Simmons. Your lucky undies are giving you the wedgie from hell.

You realize part way through the evening that you forgot to put on undies.

Just kidding.

A couple weeks ago, a good friend of mine and I were texting back and forth. It was her turn to be on a first date, and this was one she was really interested in. Amidst the "what should I wear" discussion, she also announced she had a zit growing. I thought of her as I was getting ready on Wednesday for my date, and discovered a new and painful zit in a place I've never, ever had one before.

First time for everything.

Then I remembered what I told her. I said that if there really was the connection she was feeling, a zit wouldn't matter. It's the whole, "if you can't handle me at my worst, you don't deserve me at my best" mentality, to an extent. I can't think of a single example where after a date someone said, "you know, everything was awesome, except she had this zit. I just can't ask her for another date, even though everything else was perfect, because of that zit."

We tend to hold ourselves to higher standards than other people do. This is particularly true for women, but I think men go through it as well. Article after article has been published about "what men really think" when they "see you naked" or "are on a date" or blah blah blah. We fill our Facebook news feed with videos about the evils of Photoshop. (Have you seen the one that goes backwards from the beautiful swimsuit model and eventually becomes a slice of pepperoni pizza? Pretty crazy.) Yet we hold ourselves to those unrealistic standards nonetheless.

We all have image issues. Men and women both. We fear rejection because we don't have a chiseled chest or perfect boobs or flat, rippled abs or cellulite-free thighs. We get so worried about ourselves that we miss the point: someone else finds us attractive. Someone else wants to be with us, in spite of our "flaws." And certainly we are overlooking their imperfections.

Appearances are fleeting. Surgery and obsessive healthy lifestyles can only do so much. Looks fade. What matters is the attraction that is felt in the heart and soul, the mental connection that will last well into the Golden Years. When you are lucky enough to find it, treasure it. Hold onto it. It is a glorious gift from God or whatever creator spirit you believe in, and you should care for it like nothing else. And if it is the right person for you, they will return the love.

Even if you have that zit on your face.