The Almost-Missed Connection
Bachelor #3 and I have been exchanging more text messages and spending more time on the phone than two people probably should. But, each text and every conversation helps us get to know each other that much better in preparation for Friday night's date. For those who really know me, the fact that I even talked to him on the phone before meeting him is a big indicator of the connection level.
If you don't really know me, just know this: I hate talking on the phone, even with most people I know. My parents are the main exception.
For the first time, I'm beginning to understand how someone could fall for another person long-distance. You hear those stories about someone, or maybe you even know someone, who met somebody great online and they chatted and messaged and emailed and talked on the phone for months and then suddenly they pick up and move to be with that person and Disney characters come out and the sun shines and we have world peace. I never got how that could possibly happen, but with each conversation and in spite of my most jaded levels of cynicism and "once bitten, twice shy" knee-jerk defenses, I'm thinking it might be happening.
And it almost didn't happen.
If you remember back to the first or second blog I posted upon my return to Match, I mentioned a chat window. This guy asked for a chat, and we were seeming to have technological difficulties. However, I mentioned I was at work still, and it was late, because I didn't come in until noon. He asked where I worked, and I said for a church.
Then he was gone.
I shrugged it off. He didn't list anything under his faith on his profile and I figured me working for a church was probably some sort of "Jesus Freak" red flag to him or something. No skin off my back. I thought he was certainly cute and had an interesting enough profile, but I also had other options pursuing me. No reason to go after the guy who disappeared after finding out I worked for a church.
Well, that guy was Bachelor #3. Last night when we were talking on the phone, I asked him if he remembered chatting me up that first time. He certainly did, and talked about the technical difficulties. He then said, "I should have emailed you right then, but I didn't, and I almost lost out on you to another guy." (We'd been comparing recent experiences on Match and he knew about Bachelor #2.) I asked him why he didn't email, and he simply said, "I don't know." He was as interested then as he is now, and the church thing wasn't a deterrent for him, although he thought it might be for me.
See, he was raised Catholic. His mom taught at a Catholic school for 40 years. And like a certain percentage of Catholics, he no longer believes there is a God.
Before my Christian friends freak out about me dating a non-Christian, here is where I stand on that. Yes, I believe in God, but I am not a Biblical literalist. Almost the entire Old Testament is historical fiction, stories handed down by word-of-mouth for centuries, shaping and changing with each generation. The New Testament is four gospel accounts written by anonymous authors that agree on very little (and were again, word-of-mouth) and a bunch of letters wherein we only see one side of the conversation. I believe the scriptures are holy, but I don't believe they are finite.
Regardless of that, the God I believe in and choose to worship teaches me to love and respect everybody. Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and even those who don't believe in a God. We were all non-believers at some point in our lives. My graduate school roommate was a non-believer when we moved in together. Two years later I was one of her godparents at her baptism, and I didn't do anything to try to change her mind from non-believer to Christian.
Bachelor #3 has absolutely no problem with me having the faith that I do, and working for a church as I do. He may not believe in a God, but he believes in plenty of what churches stand for and try to do: loving our neighbors, serving those less fortunate, etc. I respect his belief and I'm not in for "Missionary Dating," as my father would call it. Maybe God is bringing us together so I can help him find his way back. Maybe God is bringing us together to help me strengthen my own faith. Maybe God is bringing us together for some other, non-religious reason.
I am not an evangelist, nor have I ever been. I won't be shoving my faith down his throat, dropping hints or trying to drag him to church. If he has questions, I'll be glad to answer them. And he won't be scorning me for believing in God, unlike some atheists and agnostics I know.
Right now, in spite of this, the whole thing feels right. More "right" than any previous connections, that is for sure. Part of me is trying very hard to not put the cart before the horse, as he is somewhat, but when a connection is like this, well, that is very difficult. So we shall see how Friday night goes, and until then, we shall continue to text and talk.
If you don't really know me, just know this: I hate talking on the phone, even with most people I know. My parents are the main exception.
For the first time, I'm beginning to understand how someone could fall for another person long-distance. You hear those stories about someone, or maybe you even know someone, who met somebody great online and they chatted and messaged and emailed and talked on the phone for months and then suddenly they pick up and move to be with that person and Disney characters come out and the sun shines and we have world peace. I never got how that could possibly happen, but with each conversation and in spite of my most jaded levels of cynicism and "once bitten, twice shy" knee-jerk defenses, I'm thinking it might be happening.
And it almost didn't happen.
If you remember back to the first or second blog I posted upon my return to Match, I mentioned a chat window. This guy asked for a chat, and we were seeming to have technological difficulties. However, I mentioned I was at work still, and it was late, because I didn't come in until noon. He asked where I worked, and I said for a church.
Then he was gone.
I shrugged it off. He didn't list anything under his faith on his profile and I figured me working for a church was probably some sort of "Jesus Freak" red flag to him or something. No skin off my back. I thought he was certainly cute and had an interesting enough profile, but I also had other options pursuing me. No reason to go after the guy who disappeared after finding out I worked for a church.
Well, that guy was Bachelor #3. Last night when we were talking on the phone, I asked him if he remembered chatting me up that first time. He certainly did, and talked about the technical difficulties. He then said, "I should have emailed you right then, but I didn't, and I almost lost out on you to another guy." (We'd been comparing recent experiences on Match and he knew about Bachelor #2.) I asked him why he didn't email, and he simply said, "I don't know." He was as interested then as he is now, and the church thing wasn't a deterrent for him, although he thought it might be for me.
See, he was raised Catholic. His mom taught at a Catholic school for 40 years. And like a certain percentage of Catholics, he no longer believes there is a God.
Before my Christian friends freak out about me dating a non-Christian, here is where I stand on that. Yes, I believe in God, but I am not a Biblical literalist. Almost the entire Old Testament is historical fiction, stories handed down by word-of-mouth for centuries, shaping and changing with each generation. The New Testament is four gospel accounts written by anonymous authors that agree on very little (and were again, word-of-mouth) and a bunch of letters wherein we only see one side of the conversation. I believe the scriptures are holy, but I don't believe they are finite.
Regardless of that, the God I believe in and choose to worship teaches me to love and respect everybody. Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, and even those who don't believe in a God. We were all non-believers at some point in our lives. My graduate school roommate was a non-believer when we moved in together. Two years later I was one of her godparents at her baptism, and I didn't do anything to try to change her mind from non-believer to Christian.
Bachelor #3 has absolutely no problem with me having the faith that I do, and working for a church as I do. He may not believe in a God, but he believes in plenty of what churches stand for and try to do: loving our neighbors, serving those less fortunate, etc. I respect his belief and I'm not in for "Missionary Dating," as my father would call it. Maybe God is bringing us together so I can help him find his way back. Maybe God is bringing us together to help me strengthen my own faith. Maybe God is bringing us together for some other, non-religious reason.
I am not an evangelist, nor have I ever been. I won't be shoving my faith down his throat, dropping hints or trying to drag him to church. If he has questions, I'll be glad to answer them. And he won't be scorning me for believing in God, unlike some atheists and agnostics I know.
Right now, in spite of this, the whole thing feels right. More "right" than any previous connections, that is for sure. Part of me is trying very hard to not put the cart before the horse, as he is somewhat, but when a connection is like this, well, that is very difficult. So we shall see how Friday night goes, and until then, we shall continue to text and talk.
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