I Will Not Get Discouraged
It always happens. You start out hot on Match. The winks and emails come pouring in. Then they taper off, leading to a day or two or more of nothing. It can be a hard pill to swallow, going from "popular" to, well, essentially ignored. When it happens, you can do one of two things: you can get a table and have a pity party of one, or you can go on the offensive.
Before I get to what I'm doing, let's do some recap, shall we?
The date with Bachelor #1. We met for a drink at a nice bar before a concert call for me. By far, he's the most attractive man I've been on a Match date with, and on paper we were a good match. But I knew from our phone conversation before we met that personality-wise we probably weren't a match. The conversation was fine, nothing exhilarating or even really all that interesting. We parted ways, wishing each other luck on Match, and that was that.
Bachelor #2 has not replied to the email I sent a week ago. Ah, Match, where gentlemen will email and ask you on a date, and then not reply. Whatever. Moving along.
Oh, and for shits and giggles, how about another update on the ex? You know about the texts and the new relationship. Well, on Saturday I decided to be a good Episcopalian and attend an Easter Vigil. It didn't occur to me that he might have changed churches. The first person I laid eyes on upon arriving at the courtyard where the new fire would be lit was him, standing next to his new girlfriend. He nodded at me, but I did the "I really didn't see you, I'm taking in the whole scene, oh look, my phone is super interesting" thing. I doubt he bought it. A few minutes - and a couple of "damsel in distress" text messages later - his best friend, who I did know attends that parish, came up to chat with me.
That wasn't awkward. At all. Nope. Not awkward. Not one bit.
Ha.
Fast forward to halfway through the service (for those who don't know, an Easter Vigil is 2.5-3 hours long), and the ex and the new girlfriend left. I suspect the skinny big-boobed chiquita with the huge mouth isn't a Christian, since they left before the Eucharist. Anyway, the route they took out of the church took them right past me. No ignoring him this time. So I acknowledged his nod, reached out my hand to shake his, and returned his "nice to see you" muttered in passing.
It was the middle of a service, after all.
So now that line has been broken, the "first time you see your ex after the break-up" line. Meanwhile, in addition to the questionably appropriate text messages, I've been learning more about his reputation and history with certain musical groups in the area. What I've been hearing has been neither positive or kind. What he glossed over as normal decisions to leave groups are in reality incinerated bridges. Not just burned, mind you, but bombed with Sidewinder missiles and then torched with Napalm. These people wouldn't walk across the street to pee on him if he was on fire. They might cross the street to "accidentally" throw more gasoline on him, though.
All in all, a clear picture is being painted of an incredibly narcissistic egoist who lives largely in a world that exists only in his mind when it comes to his reputation. As I told another friend, while there was a connection, ultimately his breaking up with me was a gift. If I had stayed with him, my professional reputation would have taken a hit, and in the arts, one's reputation is your most valuable commodity. I dodged a bullet.
So that brings us back to where I am now. I have two good girlfriends, both of whom just had amazing dates thanks to internet sites - one Match, and the other OK Cupid, I think. They are both over the moon. I'm still looking for even a connection to text. It is hard to not get discouraged, especially when your friends are telling you "what a catch" you are, how "hot" you are, etc. But I'm keeping my chin up and remembering it is Easter. It is a busy time for many people, myself included. In the past week, I hadn't been keeping up with my daily matches; I just didn't have time.
So I'm getting back out there. Last night I emailed a couple of guys, one of whom I know looked at my profile and didn't reply. Whatever. I received a wink today from a guy I had initially winked at - possibly the first time I've ever had a positive reply to when I've initiated contact. I've emailed him, but we'll see if anything comes of it. I edited and updated my profile, a sure way to bring it back to the top of the pile.
Then there's a gentleman in my life, a friend, who if I'm ever going to be honest with myself I'd have to say I'm much more smitten with than I have admitted to anyone other than a couple of very trusted friends. I've even gone to the extent to say to other friends, friends who I share most everything else with, that "oh, he's like a brother to me" to deflect any possibility of a romantic interest. Lie, lie, lie. If he were to express interest, I'd be off Match in a heartbeat. But I'm 85% sure, if not more, that I've been quite safely friend-zoned. C'est la vie!
Meanwhile, perhaps there's someone ready to make me even more smitten than I thought possible. I just have to find him!
Before I get to what I'm doing, let's do some recap, shall we?
The date with Bachelor #1. We met for a drink at a nice bar before a concert call for me. By far, he's the most attractive man I've been on a Match date with, and on paper we were a good match. But I knew from our phone conversation before we met that personality-wise we probably weren't a match. The conversation was fine, nothing exhilarating or even really all that interesting. We parted ways, wishing each other luck on Match, and that was that.
Bachelor #2 has not replied to the email I sent a week ago. Ah, Match, where gentlemen will email and ask you on a date, and then not reply. Whatever. Moving along.
Oh, and for shits and giggles, how about another update on the ex? You know about the texts and the new relationship. Well, on Saturday I decided to be a good Episcopalian and attend an Easter Vigil. It didn't occur to me that he might have changed churches. The first person I laid eyes on upon arriving at the courtyard where the new fire would be lit was him, standing next to his new girlfriend. He nodded at me, but I did the "I really didn't see you, I'm taking in the whole scene, oh look, my phone is super interesting" thing. I doubt he bought it. A few minutes - and a couple of "damsel in distress" text messages later - his best friend, who I did know attends that parish, came up to chat with me.
That wasn't awkward. At all. Nope. Not awkward. Not one bit.
Ha.
Fast forward to halfway through the service (for those who don't know, an Easter Vigil is 2.5-3 hours long), and the ex and the new girlfriend left. I suspect the skinny big-boobed chiquita with the huge mouth isn't a Christian, since they left before the Eucharist. Anyway, the route they took out of the church took them right past me. No ignoring him this time. So I acknowledged his nod, reached out my hand to shake his, and returned his "nice to see you" muttered in passing.
It was the middle of a service, after all.
So now that line has been broken, the "first time you see your ex after the break-up" line. Meanwhile, in addition to the questionably appropriate text messages, I've been learning more about his reputation and history with certain musical groups in the area. What I've been hearing has been neither positive or kind. What he glossed over as normal decisions to leave groups are in reality incinerated bridges. Not just burned, mind you, but bombed with Sidewinder missiles and then torched with Napalm. These people wouldn't walk across the street to pee on him if he was on fire. They might cross the street to "accidentally" throw more gasoline on him, though.
All in all, a clear picture is being painted of an incredibly narcissistic egoist who lives largely in a world that exists only in his mind when it comes to his reputation. As I told another friend, while there was a connection, ultimately his breaking up with me was a gift. If I had stayed with him, my professional reputation would have taken a hit, and in the arts, one's reputation is your most valuable commodity. I dodged a bullet.
So that brings us back to where I am now. I have two good girlfriends, both of whom just had amazing dates thanks to internet sites - one Match, and the other OK Cupid, I think. They are both over the moon. I'm still looking for even a connection to text. It is hard to not get discouraged, especially when your friends are telling you "what a catch" you are, how "hot" you are, etc. But I'm keeping my chin up and remembering it is Easter. It is a busy time for many people, myself included. In the past week, I hadn't been keeping up with my daily matches; I just didn't have time.
So I'm getting back out there. Last night I emailed a couple of guys, one of whom I know looked at my profile and didn't reply. Whatever. I received a wink today from a guy I had initially winked at - possibly the first time I've ever had a positive reply to when I've initiated contact. I've emailed him, but we'll see if anything comes of it. I edited and updated my profile, a sure way to bring it back to the top of the pile.
Then there's a gentleman in my life, a friend, who if I'm ever going to be honest with myself I'd have to say I'm much more smitten with than I have admitted to anyone other than a couple of very trusted friends. I've even gone to the extent to say to other friends, friends who I share most everything else with, that "oh, he's like a brother to me" to deflect any possibility of a romantic interest. Lie, lie, lie. If he were to express interest, I'd be off Match in a heartbeat. But I'm 85% sure, if not more, that I've been quite safely friend-zoned. C'est la vie!
Meanwhile, perhaps there's someone ready to make me even more smitten than I thought possible. I just have to find him!
Comments
Post a Comment
We are all adults here. Comments are welcome, but they are also moderated because there has been a marked increase in spam, trolling, and generally snarky and nasty comments being submitted. Different opinions are welcome when expressed maturely; rude comments and links will not be published.