Do I, Or Don't I?
An update and a dilemma. Because after all, this is my blog-o'-drama.
Let's tackle the dilemma first. Tomorrow is D's birthday. Yes, D, the most recent ex, the amicable break-up, the we-can-still-be-friends (after a suitable amount of time) former boyfriend. Ever since the break-up, I've been pondering - well, okay if I'm going to be honest about myself, planning - about his birthday. I texted him on Father's Day, and he was very appreciate of it. I texted again a couple days before the 4th of July, wishing him a good holiday. He replied nicely. I had considered doing something ballsy yet completely within the vein of being friends, such as offering to take him for a cup of coffee or lunch for his birthday.
By and large, my friends were not terribly supportive of the idea. I had reason to think I'd be with someone else by then (ha!) so if I wasn't single, that would take a large part of the pressure off. As the days and weeks passed and the distance between us grew, I, too, cooled on the idea. I finally decided I would send him a birthday card.
Do you know how hard it is to find a birthday card that is NOT filled with questionably appropriate humor, sexual innuendos, sappy statements about what a wonderful friendship "we" have, and other things completely improper for this situation? I finally found one that was a simple birthday well-wish. I wrote a short note, something about how I hope he had a fun celebration because he deserved it, signed it, and went to the post office.
That was on Wednesday morning. The card should have arrived by now. Probably. They said 1-2 days, because it was only going a few miles at the most. But, it is the US Postal Service. Sometimes they can lose a bottle of wine in a six pack of Coke.
Part of me assumed I would get some sort of thank you text when he read it. Part of me, the cynical part of me, thought he might not appreciate it after all. Another part of me wonders if he's even gotten it yet; he could be on vacation, not checking his mail regularly, or some other reasons. So all this to say, my dilemma is: do I still zip him a text tomorrow, on his birthday?
Right now, I'm leaning towards no. If he has gotten the card and chosen to not acknowledge it, then a text from me would be an annoyance. And if he hasn't yet gotten the card, he eventually will. On the other hand, a brief text is a thoughtful kind of thing he would expect from me, and I have no reason to think he wants zero contact with me or that hearing from me is a bad thing.
One thing I do know for sure: I am waaaaay over-thinking this. As always.
So let's turn to the current status of my alleged "love life."
When we last discussed #6, G, I was saying I might send him one more text. Shortly after blogging, I did, and a couple hours later (typical for him) I got a reply. He was sorry, he'd been busy at work and was moving, and he asked about my trip. I replied, and that was pretty much that; I've known from the beginning he's not a big texter so that doesn't surprise me. He's continued his pattern of texting me every 2-3 days, something that usually starts with "Hey cutie" and either wishes me a good day or something like that. I heard from him on Wednesday, and later in the day I sent another text (he had a day off and was spending it at the pool) asking how the pool was and saying if he ever wanted to meet up again for a drink or whatever, just let me know. He read it immediately upon me sending it, and has not replied.
Truly a master of mixed signals. Checks in pretty regularly, calls me "cutie" among other nicknames, reaches out rather than replying. After our first date, it was "will I get to see you again?" and such, but now... shrug. As I've said before, if I could figure men out I could stop blogging, write a book, and make a bajillion dollars. I'd probably end up on the talk show circuit, or have my own, like Greg Behrens or whatever his name is... you know, he wrote that book that's something like "He's Just Not That Into You" and then got his own (short-lived) show, although they did make a movie out of it.
So today I finally got my butt back out on Match, in a way that was more than just checking out profiles of guys "interested" in me or who "liked" something on my profile or who had "winked" at me. I went through my daily matches and I made some minor tweaks to my profile, which is how to bring it back into more frequent viewing/distribution on Match. Whether or not that contributed to more attention today, I'm not sure. Still, I reached out to a couple different guys, one local and one not.
Not local? This guy from Lincoln, NE expressed interest. Of all the states I have been to, which is over 30, I have yet to set foot in Nebraska. The only reason I emailed him was because I was legitimately curious: he has his search radius set at 500 miles. 500 miles! So I asked him, in honest curiosity, how did that work? Granted, and I didn't mention this, he lists the highest income range and his photos are of him traversing the world in that way that people with disposable incomes do, but still... 500 miles means an afternoon text saying, "dinner tonight?" is not practical. Then again, sometimes I'm too practical.
We shall see. One day at a time. Did I go back out too soon? Not soon enough? Who knows. I read an "article" on iVillage that listed the reasons you should not be friends with your ex. While I generally agreed with their reasoning, it got me thinking: if enough time passes, and both have moved on, then I believe a friendship is possible. So before I can have my friend D back, I have to make sure I move on. And damn it, I will. Eventually.
Let's tackle the dilemma first. Tomorrow is D's birthday. Yes, D, the most recent ex, the amicable break-up, the we-can-still-be-friends (after a suitable amount of time) former boyfriend. Ever since the break-up, I've been pondering - well, okay if I'm going to be honest about myself, planning - about his birthday. I texted him on Father's Day, and he was very appreciate of it. I texted again a couple days before the 4th of July, wishing him a good holiday. He replied nicely. I had considered doing something ballsy yet completely within the vein of being friends, such as offering to take him for a cup of coffee or lunch for his birthday.
By and large, my friends were not terribly supportive of the idea. I had reason to think I'd be with someone else by then (ha!) so if I wasn't single, that would take a large part of the pressure off. As the days and weeks passed and the distance between us grew, I, too, cooled on the idea. I finally decided I would send him a birthday card.
Do you know how hard it is to find a birthday card that is NOT filled with questionably appropriate humor, sexual innuendos, sappy statements about what a wonderful friendship "we" have, and other things completely improper for this situation? I finally found one that was a simple birthday well-wish. I wrote a short note, something about how I hope he had a fun celebration because he deserved it, signed it, and went to the post office.
That was on Wednesday morning. The card should have arrived by now. Probably. They said 1-2 days, because it was only going a few miles at the most. But, it is the US Postal Service. Sometimes they can lose a bottle of wine in a six pack of Coke.
Part of me assumed I would get some sort of thank you text when he read it. Part of me, the cynical part of me, thought he might not appreciate it after all. Another part of me wonders if he's even gotten it yet; he could be on vacation, not checking his mail regularly, or some other reasons. So all this to say, my dilemma is: do I still zip him a text tomorrow, on his birthday?
Right now, I'm leaning towards no. If he has gotten the card and chosen to not acknowledge it, then a text from me would be an annoyance. And if he hasn't yet gotten the card, he eventually will. On the other hand, a brief text is a thoughtful kind of thing he would expect from me, and I have no reason to think he wants zero contact with me or that hearing from me is a bad thing.
One thing I do know for sure: I am waaaaay over-thinking this. As always.
So let's turn to the current status of my alleged "love life."
When we last discussed #6, G, I was saying I might send him one more text. Shortly after blogging, I did, and a couple hours later (typical for him) I got a reply. He was sorry, he'd been busy at work and was moving, and he asked about my trip. I replied, and that was pretty much that; I've known from the beginning he's not a big texter so that doesn't surprise me. He's continued his pattern of texting me every 2-3 days, something that usually starts with "Hey cutie" and either wishes me a good day or something like that. I heard from him on Wednesday, and later in the day I sent another text (he had a day off and was spending it at the pool) asking how the pool was and saying if he ever wanted to meet up again for a drink or whatever, just let me know. He read it immediately upon me sending it, and has not replied.
Truly a master of mixed signals. Checks in pretty regularly, calls me "cutie" among other nicknames, reaches out rather than replying. After our first date, it was "will I get to see you again?" and such, but now... shrug. As I've said before, if I could figure men out I could stop blogging, write a book, and make a bajillion dollars. I'd probably end up on the talk show circuit, or have my own, like Greg Behrens or whatever his name is... you know, he wrote that book that's something like "He's Just Not That Into You" and then got his own (short-lived) show, although they did make a movie out of it.
So today I finally got my butt back out on Match, in a way that was more than just checking out profiles of guys "interested" in me or who "liked" something on my profile or who had "winked" at me. I went through my daily matches and I made some minor tweaks to my profile, which is how to bring it back into more frequent viewing/distribution on Match. Whether or not that contributed to more attention today, I'm not sure. Still, I reached out to a couple different guys, one local and one not.
Not local? This guy from Lincoln, NE expressed interest. Of all the states I have been to, which is over 30, I have yet to set foot in Nebraska. The only reason I emailed him was because I was legitimately curious: he has his search radius set at 500 miles. 500 miles! So I asked him, in honest curiosity, how did that work? Granted, and I didn't mention this, he lists the highest income range and his photos are of him traversing the world in that way that people with disposable incomes do, but still... 500 miles means an afternoon text saying, "dinner tonight?" is not practical. Then again, sometimes I'm too practical.
We shall see. One day at a time. Did I go back out too soon? Not soon enough? Who knows. I read an "article" on iVillage that listed the reasons you should not be friends with your ex. While I generally agreed with their reasoning, it got me thinking: if enough time passes, and both have moved on, then I believe a friendship is possible. So before I can have my friend D back, I have to make sure I move on. And damn it, I will. Eventually.
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