I Can't Even Think of a Good Post Title
Before I say anything about my date tonight with #5, A, let me say this: Shawn & Marlon Wayans are totally worth the money to go see. Seriously. Expect a lot of off-color language, but also expect to laugh until you cry or wet yourself. Or both.
So here is the recap of the date with #5. If I can find the words.
Around 4:00 or so, he texted asking if 5:30 would be okay instead of 6:00. Sure, I was fine with that. I showered, dressed, and met him at the appointed place at 5:30. Although I had agreed to ride with him, I had insisted we meet at a neutral spot. He knows basically where I live, but there are 14 buildings in my apartment complex which gives me at least one layer of safety. Don't get me wrong, I never felt like my safety was going to be an issue with him -- if I did, I wouldn't have ridden with him -- but my house is my sanctuary. It takes a lot of trust and desire from me to allow somebody into it or to know where exactly I live. That's not going to happen on a first date, no matter who it is.
He said he'd be at the appointed place with "the older Mustang convertible." Okay... older? Why not, maybe he's into classic cars or collectible cars or something like that. Or maybe in his lexicon "older" means 5-8 years old. Nope. We're talking a late 1980s, maybe early 1990s Mustang convertible without working air conditioning. It was 90 degrees outside. I was dressed nicely. And I got to spend 30+ minutes riding in a car with no A/C on the freeway at 75 mph with my hair being blown around like I was in a clothes dryer.
Honestly, I try to not be shallow. My car isn't a wondrous piece of machinery by any stretch of the imagination. But he could have warned me his car didn't have A/C. He clearly spends money on good clothes, travel, a nice apartment, and he was ready to drop a lot of money on our date -- our seats for the Wayans Brothers were really, really good -- but he's not willing to have a car payment, or get his A/C fixed? I just don't get it.
Given the roar of the wind coming in through the windows, conversation was difficult. 30+ minutes is a long drive when the conversation is stilted. We got to our destination and went to park. He decided to park at one of the "street" meters, only to discover that "short term" meant a quarter bought you about 10 minutes. He bought 45 minutes worth and planned to move the car at some point during dinner. Except, he didn't. He remembered, he just decided to not do it. And got a parking ticket as a result.
Dinner was... awkward. Conversation wasn't really natural. It wasn't the worst conversation I've had on a date, by far. But it wasn't all that good, either. It wasn't until I returned from the restroom (where I'd posted my check-in/where is my escape hatch FB status, and texted a friend saying MAYDAY) that I figured out why it was so awkward: he was partly expecting me to pull a disappearing act on him or otherwise leave early. He'd cracked several self-deprecating comments about it, and I got the distinct impression that it had happened to him, and more than once. My friend who I'd texted called me -- just as I was getting back to the table. I told her I'd call her later, and he flat-out asked me if that was a fake "emergency call" to get out of the date.
Really?
I'm going to digress here for a moment and share some thoughts for the guys.
1. Self-deprecating humor is like a strong spice in a dish. A little bit can be good. Too much, and the whole dish is ruined. We have all cracked comments that are self-deprecating, but too many in a conversation screams that you have issues. It's just not cute.
2. Just because a woman takes her purse with her to the restroom, it doesn't mean she's going to set up an escape hatch. Granted, I feel a little guilty because I did post something like that on FB and sent the mayday text. But, I also said on FB that I was going to stick it out, and not just because he'd driven. (He'd offered when we decided to ride up together to pay my cab fare home if I wanted out early.)
3. If a woman tells you she doesn't get as much attention on Match as you think she does, the vast majority of the time she's being honest. Accept her answer, maybe respond with something like, "that surprises me" or a similar line, and move on. Don't sit there and try to get her to say, "well, yeah, okay, I do get a dozen emails a day" when she doesn't.
Back to the date.
After I returned from the restroom and hadn't arranged an emergency call or text, he seemed to relax more. Conversation was better, because he realized I wasn't going to jackrabbit on him at any moment. We chatted over a cup of coffee before heading over to the Improv.
At the Improv, we had about 35 minutes or so to chit chat and whatnot. That conversation was also a bit better, although one interesting thing came up. I did not have a drink on this date, in spite of him offering multiple times to buy one for me. I remembered from his profile that under drinking he lists "never." So I asked him about that, because we had certainly talked about alcohol in other conversations and he spoke as one who is very familiar with it. He largely dodged the question, saying he certainly used to, but he'd been limiting his intake for a year or so because he'd had a run-in or something like that with loving Jack Daniels too much. It made me wonder if he had a DUI/DWI. I don't judge anyone for those sorts of things, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it, if indeed that is what happened.
The show was hilarious. Truly hilarious. Marlon was better than Shawn, we both agreed. But let me tell you, I have never felt more awkward on a first date than I did tonight when Shawn started getting into relationship advice. "All you ladies who take care of your man, give me some applause!" (BTW, "take care" in this context meant perform fellatio.) That fell into the category of the sentence, "so have you stopped beating your wife?" There is NO good answer for it. Clap and your date gets ideas. Don't clap, and your date gets other ideas, which may or may not be accurate. Whether or not I do that isn't first date conversation material. Fortunately, Shawn also turned the tables and asked the guys about taking care of their lady, so A had to go through the same awkwardness.
To round out the weirdness of the evening, as we were making our way out of the Improv, he received a phone call from his daughter. She was calling because she was convinced there was someone in the apartment, and this intruder was hiding under her bed.
His daughter is 17 and about to be a senior in high school, not 7 and scared of monsters in the closet. Hiding under her bed? And no, she is not special needs. She's a jock with above-average intelligence and good grades. Who apparently thinks intruders hide under beds.
Upon returning me to my car, he walked me over and we said a semi-awkward goodbye. I gave him a hug and thanked him for a nice evening. He didn't mention talking to me again, nor did I. I think he knows I'm not really interested in a second date. Frankly, and again perhaps I'm being shallow, but there just wasn't the physical attraction for me. It was not all that strong to begin with based on his pictures on Match, and in person it didn't get any better.
Well, at least any issues I had about dating multiple guys have been alleviated. I don't really know where things stand with #6; he seemed very happy with the date and the "will I get to talk to you again" and "I won't get to see you again before you go?" comments were very promising. Still, ever-cynical me is being, well, cynical. I didn't hear from him today, but I'm not surprised. He works basically 5 am to 3 or 4 pm, and he's got his kiddos until Tuesday. At 10 and 14, they aren't completely able to just hang out while dad goes off and does whatever. I'll text him tomorrow as I'm leaving on my trip, and while I'm gone I'll also go back out more active on Match than I have been for the past few days.
And so goes another exciting encounter on Match.com!
So here is the recap of the date with #5. If I can find the words.
Around 4:00 or so, he texted asking if 5:30 would be okay instead of 6:00. Sure, I was fine with that. I showered, dressed, and met him at the appointed place at 5:30. Although I had agreed to ride with him, I had insisted we meet at a neutral spot. He knows basically where I live, but there are 14 buildings in my apartment complex which gives me at least one layer of safety. Don't get me wrong, I never felt like my safety was going to be an issue with him -- if I did, I wouldn't have ridden with him -- but my house is my sanctuary. It takes a lot of trust and desire from me to allow somebody into it or to know where exactly I live. That's not going to happen on a first date, no matter who it is.
He said he'd be at the appointed place with "the older Mustang convertible." Okay... older? Why not, maybe he's into classic cars or collectible cars or something like that. Or maybe in his lexicon "older" means 5-8 years old. Nope. We're talking a late 1980s, maybe early 1990s Mustang convertible without working air conditioning. It was 90 degrees outside. I was dressed nicely. And I got to spend 30+ minutes riding in a car with no A/C on the freeway at 75 mph with my hair being blown around like I was in a clothes dryer.
Honestly, I try to not be shallow. My car isn't a wondrous piece of machinery by any stretch of the imagination. But he could have warned me his car didn't have A/C. He clearly spends money on good clothes, travel, a nice apartment, and he was ready to drop a lot of money on our date -- our seats for the Wayans Brothers were really, really good -- but he's not willing to have a car payment, or get his A/C fixed? I just don't get it.
Given the roar of the wind coming in through the windows, conversation was difficult. 30+ minutes is a long drive when the conversation is stilted. We got to our destination and went to park. He decided to park at one of the "street" meters, only to discover that "short term" meant a quarter bought you about 10 minutes. He bought 45 minutes worth and planned to move the car at some point during dinner. Except, he didn't. He remembered, he just decided to not do it. And got a parking ticket as a result.
Dinner was... awkward. Conversation wasn't really natural. It wasn't the worst conversation I've had on a date, by far. But it wasn't all that good, either. It wasn't until I returned from the restroom (where I'd posted my check-in/where is my escape hatch FB status, and texted a friend saying MAYDAY) that I figured out why it was so awkward: he was partly expecting me to pull a disappearing act on him or otherwise leave early. He'd cracked several self-deprecating comments about it, and I got the distinct impression that it had happened to him, and more than once. My friend who I'd texted called me -- just as I was getting back to the table. I told her I'd call her later, and he flat-out asked me if that was a fake "emergency call" to get out of the date.
Really?
I'm going to digress here for a moment and share some thoughts for the guys.
1. Self-deprecating humor is like a strong spice in a dish. A little bit can be good. Too much, and the whole dish is ruined. We have all cracked comments that are self-deprecating, but too many in a conversation screams that you have issues. It's just not cute.
2. Just because a woman takes her purse with her to the restroom, it doesn't mean she's going to set up an escape hatch. Granted, I feel a little guilty because I did post something like that on FB and sent the mayday text. But, I also said on FB that I was going to stick it out, and not just because he'd driven. (He'd offered when we decided to ride up together to pay my cab fare home if I wanted out early.)
3. If a woman tells you she doesn't get as much attention on Match as you think she does, the vast majority of the time she's being honest. Accept her answer, maybe respond with something like, "that surprises me" or a similar line, and move on. Don't sit there and try to get her to say, "well, yeah, okay, I do get a dozen emails a day" when she doesn't.
Back to the date.
After I returned from the restroom and hadn't arranged an emergency call or text, he seemed to relax more. Conversation was better, because he realized I wasn't going to jackrabbit on him at any moment. We chatted over a cup of coffee before heading over to the Improv.
At the Improv, we had about 35 minutes or so to chit chat and whatnot. That conversation was also a bit better, although one interesting thing came up. I did not have a drink on this date, in spite of him offering multiple times to buy one for me. I remembered from his profile that under drinking he lists "never." So I asked him about that, because we had certainly talked about alcohol in other conversations and he spoke as one who is very familiar with it. He largely dodged the question, saying he certainly used to, but he'd been limiting his intake for a year or so because he'd had a run-in or something like that with loving Jack Daniels too much. It made me wonder if he had a DUI/DWI. I don't judge anyone for those sorts of things, but I can understand why he wouldn't want to talk about it, if indeed that is what happened.
The show was hilarious. Truly hilarious. Marlon was better than Shawn, we both agreed. But let me tell you, I have never felt more awkward on a first date than I did tonight when Shawn started getting into relationship advice. "All you ladies who take care of your man, give me some applause!" (BTW, "take care" in this context meant perform fellatio.) That fell into the category of the sentence, "so have you stopped beating your wife?" There is NO good answer for it. Clap and your date gets ideas. Don't clap, and your date gets other ideas, which may or may not be accurate. Whether or not I do that isn't first date conversation material. Fortunately, Shawn also turned the tables and asked the guys about taking care of their lady, so A had to go through the same awkwardness.
To round out the weirdness of the evening, as we were making our way out of the Improv, he received a phone call from his daughter. She was calling because she was convinced there was someone in the apartment, and this intruder was hiding under her bed.
His daughter is 17 and about to be a senior in high school, not 7 and scared of monsters in the closet. Hiding under her bed? And no, she is not special needs. She's a jock with above-average intelligence and good grades. Who apparently thinks intruders hide under beds.
Upon returning me to my car, he walked me over and we said a semi-awkward goodbye. I gave him a hug and thanked him for a nice evening. He didn't mention talking to me again, nor did I. I think he knows I'm not really interested in a second date. Frankly, and again perhaps I'm being shallow, but there just wasn't the physical attraction for me. It was not all that strong to begin with based on his pictures on Match, and in person it didn't get any better.
Well, at least any issues I had about dating multiple guys have been alleviated. I don't really know where things stand with #6; he seemed very happy with the date and the "will I get to talk to you again" and "I won't get to see you again before you go?" comments were very promising. Still, ever-cynical me is being, well, cynical. I didn't hear from him today, but I'm not surprised. He works basically 5 am to 3 or 4 pm, and he's got his kiddos until Tuesday. At 10 and 14, they aren't completely able to just hang out while dad goes off and does whatever. I'll text him tomorrow as I'm leaving on my trip, and while I'm gone I'll also go back out more active on Match than I have been for the past few days.
And so goes another exciting encounter on Match.com!
Good information for online dating
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