Episode IV: A New Hope, er, Struggle
It's a two post kind of day, apparently.
I mentioned in my previous post of maybe an hour ago that I got an unexpected text from my ex, D. He was thanking me for the birthday card I had sent him. As I said, I told him he was welcome blah blah blah, and he said thank you to that.
I thought that would be it. There was more than enough in his long initial text to throw me into ponder mode. And, to realize I may have been given a truly legitimate escape hatch from #7, on a silver platter no less. Then not too long later, he sent another text.
Responding to that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make to date.
I have a web-based business where I do custom musical score creations. Generally I edit from preexisting scores, although I do have a couple of transcriptions to my credit. D trained as a musician, specifically as a pianist and composer. Our shared love of classical music was one of our many bonds.
When we first met, he had just started working on an untitled piano composition. An emotionally-driven guy, he is often inspired by life events and people. After meeting me, his creative ideas on this piece burst forth, culminating in a recording he texted me while we were still dating. He said I was the muse, the inspiration behind the piece. It may be one of the most intimate gifts anyone could give another.
He sent me that recording again today with a request. Could I transcribe it for him? He has never been able to replicate what came forth in that recording that he did (specifically to be sent to me).
Since the break-up, I haven't been able to listen to it. The emotions are too strong. As I was obsessing over the birthday card/do I text him drama, I accidentally came to a realization: it's only been 7 weeks. Technically, 7 weeks tomorrow evening since he ended our relationship. For some reason, it has gotten into my head that it's been longer, at least a couple of months. I returned to Match less than a month after the split.
No wonder I'm a hot mess.
I agreed to transcribe it for him. I know his asking me to do this was very hard to do. I feel no ill will towards him, never have, but there is still pain there. As I've said in many discussions with friends, and probably even on this blog, you don't "get over" someone, not when they've meant as much to you as he does to me. You learn to accept the loss, the hole in your spirit. You learn to live with the scars. You learn to embrace who you are now, with this new life experience. You don't "get over" it. You learn to live with it and put one foot in front of the other. You are who you are as a culmination of life experiences: good and bad.
I'm not going to charge for the transcription, either. I'm not comp-ing it because I want to use it as some sort of immature ploy or leverage towards a romantic reconciliation. I'm not comp-ing it because I want him to be indebted to me or something equally silly. I'm comp-ing it because he's my friend, and from a professional standpoint, he's not going to be a repeat client, not like some of the orchestras and choirs I have as clients.
Perhaps this is the final cathartic act that I need. I was never really able to have a good cry over him. Perhaps this will purge my soul, and really let me move forward.
Staff paper? Check. Pencil? Check. Recording and ear buds? Check.
Kleenex box? Check.
I mentioned in my previous post of maybe an hour ago that I got an unexpected text from my ex, D. He was thanking me for the birthday card I had sent him. As I said, I told him he was welcome blah blah blah, and he said thank you to that.
I thought that would be it. There was more than enough in his long initial text to throw me into ponder mode. And, to realize I may have been given a truly legitimate escape hatch from #7, on a silver platter no less. Then not too long later, he sent another text.
Responding to that was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make to date.
I have a web-based business where I do custom musical score creations. Generally I edit from preexisting scores, although I do have a couple of transcriptions to my credit. D trained as a musician, specifically as a pianist and composer. Our shared love of classical music was one of our many bonds.
When we first met, he had just started working on an untitled piano composition. An emotionally-driven guy, he is often inspired by life events and people. After meeting me, his creative ideas on this piece burst forth, culminating in a recording he texted me while we were still dating. He said I was the muse, the inspiration behind the piece. It may be one of the most intimate gifts anyone could give another.
He sent me that recording again today with a request. Could I transcribe it for him? He has never been able to replicate what came forth in that recording that he did (specifically to be sent to me).
Since the break-up, I haven't been able to listen to it. The emotions are too strong. As I was obsessing over the birthday card/do I text him drama, I accidentally came to a realization: it's only been 7 weeks. Technically, 7 weeks tomorrow evening since he ended our relationship. For some reason, it has gotten into my head that it's been longer, at least a couple of months. I returned to Match less than a month after the split.
No wonder I'm a hot mess.
I agreed to transcribe it for him. I know his asking me to do this was very hard to do. I feel no ill will towards him, never have, but there is still pain there. As I've said in many discussions with friends, and probably even on this blog, you don't "get over" someone, not when they've meant as much to you as he does to me. You learn to accept the loss, the hole in your spirit. You learn to live with the scars. You learn to embrace who you are now, with this new life experience. You don't "get over" it. You learn to live with it and put one foot in front of the other. You are who you are as a culmination of life experiences: good and bad.
I'm not going to charge for the transcription, either. I'm not comp-ing it because I want to use it as some sort of immature ploy or leverage towards a romantic reconciliation. I'm not comp-ing it because I want him to be indebted to me or something equally silly. I'm comp-ing it because he's my friend, and from a professional standpoint, he's not going to be a repeat client, not like some of the orchestras and choirs I have as clients.
Perhaps this is the final cathartic act that I need. I was never really able to have a good cry over him. Perhaps this will purge my soul, and really let me move forward.
Staff paper? Check. Pencil? Check. Recording and ear buds? Check.
Kleenex box? Check.
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