Expectations, Exceptions, and Date Preview
Last night, after dozens upon dozens of text messages and emails, Bachelor #5 - A - and I had our first phone conversation. We talked for an hour and 10 minutes, which is pretty good for a first conversation. To add to that, we were both exhausted. On Sundays, my alarm goes off between 5:00 and 5:30. He had been up since 3:30 to catch a 6:00 flight, and had subsequently been traveling all day. So a phone conversation at 8:00 pm wouldn't catch either of us at our brightest and best.
The conversation was fine. It took a little while to get rolling, but that could be in part the exhaustion and in part nerves. The nerves were more on his end than mine; he's been off the market for about a year or so. I understand where he's coming from, as I've certainly been there. But when the phone call was over, of course I texted my yenta in MN, and I told her I gave the conversation a "B." She zipped back a text that made me stop and think:
"Why only a B?"
Why only a B? I turned the question over and over in my head. Then I realized why I hadn't given the conversation an A: because I was using the wrong grading scale. I had been measuring everything against my most recent experience, and frankly that's not fair to anyone.
I know I've said this too many times to count, but the connection D and I had was very deep, unique, and special. Although the relationship was unfortunately very short-lived, the bonds that drew us together were the kind that only happen, at best, a small handful of times in anyone's life. Some people aren't even lucky enough to have experienced it once; hence the line, "'tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."
Comparing anyone to D is not fair to them, and it's not fair to me. Of course no one will "measure up" any time soon, and it is possible that as more time passes my memories of what I had with D will continue to get even rosier. By using D as the ruler, I am setting myself up for disappointment over and over again. Ergo, I have to view D as the exception.
Taking D out of the scope of my dating experiences and comparing last night's conversation to the rest of the pack, it was certainly one of the top conversations. I suspect part of his nerves also included not being sure how much of his self-described "off center" humor and personality he should show.
He doesn't know me very well, yet, does he?
We did talk about our date on Friday, and here is where the plans currently stand. (I'm making him plan the date, but he is being thoughtful enough to check certain things with me to make sure he doesn't "plan something that I'll hate for 3 hours.") Initially the date request was "meet up for coffee or a drink," which is a typical first date on Match. The plans have certainly grown since that text. He has purchased tickets to the Improv for us to hear the younger Wayans brothers, and we're preceding that with dinner at a very nice restaurant. Not a four or five star restaurant, which is perfectly fine with me. In his words, he wants to save that for the second or third date, assuming we get that far.
I'm happy to hold off on the fancy-schmancy dinner for quite a while. Again, it goes back to that whole realistic grading scale thing and my first date with D being at a 4-5 star restaurant. That is a memory I'm not quite ready to challenge, if that makes any sense. So a comedy show and nice dinner sounds just about perfect.
Meanwhile, a brief update on other Match action.
Bachelors #6a and 6b have not replied. Maybe it is because it is the Monday following a holiday weekend, and maybe it is because they are no longer interested. Whatever. If I hear from either of them again, great. If not, it isn't like I'm hurting for attention right now.
I also got quite an interesting wink late last night. When my Match text message tone sounded, I checked it only to see if it was an email from one of the above bachelors. It wasn't, it was a wink, so I put off looking into it until today. When I pulled up the profile, the first thing that ran through my mind was, "I've just been winked at by Aah-nold." The guy is 55 but looks maybe 45 and clearly spends time at the gym. A lot of time at the gym. And not just because there are something like 5 or 6 gym pictures up on his Match profile, along with another half-dozen shirtless pics. The profile was sufficiently interesting, so I thought "why not" and winked back. We'll see if anything happens from there, but I'm not holding my breath.
Still. Aah-nold. LOL!
The conversation was fine. It took a little while to get rolling, but that could be in part the exhaustion and in part nerves. The nerves were more on his end than mine; he's been off the market for about a year or so. I understand where he's coming from, as I've certainly been there. But when the phone call was over, of course I texted my yenta in MN, and I told her I gave the conversation a "B." She zipped back a text that made me stop and think:
"Why only a B?"
Why only a B? I turned the question over and over in my head. Then I realized why I hadn't given the conversation an A: because I was using the wrong grading scale. I had been measuring everything against my most recent experience, and frankly that's not fair to anyone.
I know I've said this too many times to count, but the connection D and I had was very deep, unique, and special. Although the relationship was unfortunately very short-lived, the bonds that drew us together were the kind that only happen, at best, a small handful of times in anyone's life. Some people aren't even lucky enough to have experienced it once; hence the line, "'tis better to have loved and lost than never loved at all."
Comparing anyone to D is not fair to them, and it's not fair to me. Of course no one will "measure up" any time soon, and it is possible that as more time passes my memories of what I had with D will continue to get even rosier. By using D as the ruler, I am setting myself up for disappointment over and over again. Ergo, I have to view D as the exception.
Taking D out of the scope of my dating experiences and comparing last night's conversation to the rest of the pack, it was certainly one of the top conversations. I suspect part of his nerves also included not being sure how much of his self-described "off center" humor and personality he should show.
He doesn't know me very well, yet, does he?
We did talk about our date on Friday, and here is where the plans currently stand. (I'm making him plan the date, but he is being thoughtful enough to check certain things with me to make sure he doesn't "plan something that I'll hate for 3 hours.") Initially the date request was "meet up for coffee or a drink," which is a typical first date on Match. The plans have certainly grown since that text. He has purchased tickets to the Improv for us to hear the younger Wayans brothers, and we're preceding that with dinner at a very nice restaurant. Not a four or five star restaurant, which is perfectly fine with me. In his words, he wants to save that for the second or third date, assuming we get that far.
I'm happy to hold off on the fancy-schmancy dinner for quite a while. Again, it goes back to that whole realistic grading scale thing and my first date with D being at a 4-5 star restaurant. That is a memory I'm not quite ready to challenge, if that makes any sense. So a comedy show and nice dinner sounds just about perfect.
Meanwhile, a brief update on other Match action.
Bachelors #6a and 6b have not replied. Maybe it is because it is the Monday following a holiday weekend, and maybe it is because they are no longer interested. Whatever. If I hear from either of them again, great. If not, it isn't like I'm hurting for attention right now.
I also got quite an interesting wink late last night. When my Match text message tone sounded, I checked it only to see if it was an email from one of the above bachelors. It wasn't, it was a wink, so I put off looking into it until today. When I pulled up the profile, the first thing that ran through my mind was, "I've just been winked at by Aah-nold." The guy is 55 but looks maybe 45 and clearly spends time at the gym. A lot of time at the gym. And not just because there are something like 5 or 6 gym pictures up on his Match profile, along with another half-dozen shirtless pics. The profile was sufficiently interesting, so I thought "why not" and winked back. We'll see if anything happens from there, but I'm not holding my breath.
Still. Aah-nold. LOL!
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