Feast or Famine
Admittedly, this title may be a bit misleading, but today I just wanted to make a post about some recent observations.
Over the years, I have heard more times that I could begin to count the line about how love finds you when you stop looking for it. Sorry, but that's just bullshit. Yes, I know a couple of people who were minding their own business, not interested in dating, and WHAM! They meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, the vast majority of my friends did some work. They were intentionally out in situations that put them in contact with eligible partners. They allowed their friends to set them up, knowing there would be a good chance of a bad connection. They joined dating sites or services. They were willing to put themselves -- and their hearts -- out there.
Honestly, I've spent the majority of my life being extremely passive about dating. I don't watch that many "chick flick" movies, but even my forensic and crime thriller books tend to have a romance in them somewhere -- you know, that "lead character meets attractive secondary character and sparks fly" kind of thing. I suspect that has colored my dreamy, sometimes out-of-touch-with-reality brain into thinking someday a guy would see me, make all the advances, and voila! Boyfriend! And I can tell you that it doesn't work.
I took a hiatus from Match for various and nebulous reasons. During that time, I received very little interest from other subscribers, and my "off line" dating prospects weren't any better. Okay, I did have a lady at my church point out a "very nice gentleman" who is "independently wealthy" but tends to be "very shy." Cue the obligatory "hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge" here. Fine, except he's old enough to be my father. Not that I am excluding men who are much older -- Bachelor #5, P, my current inamorata, is 11.5 years older than me. Age is just a number, but having been in what could be best described as a "casual dating relationship" with a guy 23 years older than me, I don't think there's much advantage in a huge age spread like that. I'm not Anna Nicole Smith.
The weird thing that I'm trying to process is that now that I'm back at it and narrowing my current focus to one guy, it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork. My Match inbox is seeing more action than ever. Off-line, I'm getting more and more attention; complete strangers blatantly checking me out and giving me flirtatious looks, long-time acquaintances confessing what they've always thought of me. I find it strange. I know confidence is often perceived as sexy by guys, and having this budding thing with P has boosted my confidence in many ways. However, I'm also going through some extremely trying times in another part of my life -- and I know it is affecting my posture and other aspects of my demeanor. So I just don't get it, and ever-analytical me wants answers. I like formulas, I like knowing the how and why. Which is probably why I haven't done well in romance, because I'm wanting black and white, while interpersonal relationships, especially private ones, are all shades of gray, ecru, off-white, and off-black.
And just an update... I have yet to crumble and text P. He also has not texted me, but I'm not expecting one. I have confidence I'll hear from him when he gets back from his trip. I'm finding it very hard to not reach out to him; even though we've only been together in person on one date, I'm finding I'm missing him. There's a ton of information we don't know about each other, such as last names, but when something goofy or weird happens, I'm finding my impulse is to text him, to reach out to him, not any of my other friends. The last time I felt this way was when I was casually dating a guy when I lived in Texas. While that didn't work out as a relationship, we became very close friends. In fact, now 13 years later I consider him my "brother," and when he was deciding who would stand up for him as his honor attendant at his wedding, it was me who he called.
God bless emotions. God bless love, infatuation, lust, and genuine caring for another person. It's what makes us human, even when it drives us crazy!!!
Over the years, I have heard more times that I could begin to count the line about how love finds you when you stop looking for it. Sorry, but that's just bullshit. Yes, I know a couple of people who were minding their own business, not interested in dating, and WHAM! They meet Mr. or Mrs. Right. However, the vast majority of my friends did some work. They were intentionally out in situations that put them in contact with eligible partners. They allowed their friends to set them up, knowing there would be a good chance of a bad connection. They joined dating sites or services. They were willing to put themselves -- and their hearts -- out there.
Honestly, I've spent the majority of my life being extremely passive about dating. I don't watch that many "chick flick" movies, but even my forensic and crime thriller books tend to have a romance in them somewhere -- you know, that "lead character meets attractive secondary character and sparks fly" kind of thing. I suspect that has colored my dreamy, sometimes out-of-touch-with-reality brain into thinking someday a guy would see me, make all the advances, and voila! Boyfriend! And I can tell you that it doesn't work.
I took a hiatus from Match for various and nebulous reasons. During that time, I received very little interest from other subscribers, and my "off line" dating prospects weren't any better. Okay, I did have a lady at my church point out a "very nice gentleman" who is "independently wealthy" but tends to be "very shy." Cue the obligatory "hint, hint, wink, wink, nudge, nudge" here. Fine, except he's old enough to be my father. Not that I am excluding men who are much older -- Bachelor #5, P, my current inamorata, is 11.5 years older than me. Age is just a number, but having been in what could be best described as a "casual dating relationship" with a guy 23 years older than me, I don't think there's much advantage in a huge age spread like that. I'm not Anna Nicole Smith.
The weird thing that I'm trying to process is that now that I'm back at it and narrowing my current focus to one guy, it seems like guys are coming out of the woodwork. My Match inbox is seeing more action than ever. Off-line, I'm getting more and more attention; complete strangers blatantly checking me out and giving me flirtatious looks, long-time acquaintances confessing what they've always thought of me. I find it strange. I know confidence is often perceived as sexy by guys, and having this budding thing with P has boosted my confidence in many ways. However, I'm also going through some extremely trying times in another part of my life -- and I know it is affecting my posture and other aspects of my demeanor. So I just don't get it, and ever-analytical me wants answers. I like formulas, I like knowing the how and why. Which is probably why I haven't done well in romance, because I'm wanting black and white, while interpersonal relationships, especially private ones, are all shades of gray, ecru, off-white, and off-black.
And just an update... I have yet to crumble and text P. He also has not texted me, but I'm not expecting one. I have confidence I'll hear from him when he gets back from his trip. I'm finding it very hard to not reach out to him; even though we've only been together in person on one date, I'm finding I'm missing him. There's a ton of information we don't know about each other, such as last names, but when something goofy or weird happens, I'm finding my impulse is to text him, to reach out to him, not any of my other friends. The last time I felt this way was when I was casually dating a guy when I lived in Texas. While that didn't work out as a relationship, we became very close friends. In fact, now 13 years later I consider him my "brother," and when he was deciding who would stand up for him as his honor attendant at his wedding, it was me who he called.
God bless emotions. God bless love, infatuation, lust, and genuine caring for another person. It's what makes us human, even when it drives us crazy!!!
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