Coffee With #7, K
Right from the top, I'm going to admit that I am reflecting on this date through the slightly foggy eyes of one who is enamored with another guy. The fact that both "first dates" were coffee & conversation gives me a sort of baseline to measure by, one that is easier than if the two "first dates" were different. That said, here goes.
On my way to meet K, I texted my good friend M. "WHY am I going on this date that I don't want to go on?!" I have lauded my fantastic friends before, and I continue to do so. Her response: "Because you need to figure out if you're really as smitten with P as you think you are."
Touche.
In our conversation that followed, I told her I'd probably feel differently if I was at least a little bit twitterpated over K. Again, her wisdom and perspective showed through as she told me when she first met her current boyfriend -- they've been dating over 3 years -- she wasn't twitterpated at all but was glad she gave him a second chance. Hmmm.
K's profile lists him as a 31 year old, 6'0" male whose body type is "a few extra pounds." In the video he sent me, "a few extra pounds" would be generous. Been there, done that before with guys on Match who have an altered view of their body type. That was one reason, admittedly, I wasn't so gung-ho about this date. Also, the fact that after we confirmed the date I didn't hear a peep from him for almost 5 days didn't fill me with excitement. He came on strong -- asking for a date in the first email strong -- and then suddenly, once he's got a date confirmed, drops out of sight.
He was a little late for the date, and since we haven't exchanged phone numbers he had no way of letting me know. But, he apologized immediately. I'm not sure he's really 6'0", but he isn't "a few extra pounds." Really, he's "average." So, a point in the plus column. He's a former stand-up comedian/actor who has worked all his life in the restaurant business; he now manages a franchise of a medium level nationwide chain with aspirations to climb their corporate ladder and ultimately break out and open his own restaurant.
Coffee and conversation is the baseline. And that's about where the similarities end.
The conversation with K wasn't bad, but it wasn't spectacular. Our mutual interests are food, sports, and of sorts, theater/comedy. (With P, it was art, architecture, movies, politics, technology, and more.) We chatted for about an hour and 20 minutes, with a few awkward lulls. His body language was interesting; many indications of "I'm into you" but with a very difficult time with eye contact. He was the first to drop a "I should probably let you go" line, but was very unenthusiastic about it and ultimately I'm the one who ended the date. At the end, he walked me to my car and gave me a hug that any body language expert would probably scratch their heads at: a one-arm pseudo half-hug ("friends"), but also rubbing his hand up and down my back ("sexual interest"). His parting words: "I'll be in touch." But, he didn't ask for my phone number.
I really don't know clearly how I feel. He was more attractive than I was expecting, but the conversation... my coffee date with P was two and a half hours -- almost twice as long -- and the conversation never lulled. I left exhilarated. I couldn't wait to update my Facebook status and blog about the date even though it was after 10:00 at night, I hadn't eaten dinner, and I had to work in the morning. With K, I left feeling... meh. I stopped for Chinese take-out and ate that, caught up on my Words With Friends and Dice With Buddies games, scrolled through my Facebook news feed without updating my status, and then I pulled out the computer to blog... at a little after 6:00 in the evening. Would I be willing to see K again? Honestly, it depends on what happens with P when he gets back from his high school reunion weekend. I know chemistry can take time to develop, and I know my senses are dulled because of my (at the least) hormonal infatuation with P. I have to admit, the lack of phone number thing I find a little odd, disturbing even. Every other guy I've met on Match has given me their number before we went on a date -- one of them did that even though he never asked me out.
I just don't know. This isn't a case of me being divided between two men that I'm equally enamored with. Frankly, if both P and K were to ask me for a date at the same time, I know exactly who I would choose. If P asks me what I did this weekend, I'll be perfectly fine saying I met a friend for coffee because, at this point, I don't really feel anything romantic towards K. It might have been a "date," but I no longer feel like I was "cheating" on P (even though there's no official relationship to be cheating on).
There's one other thing admittedly clouding my judgement. I've mentioned before about astrology, how I've experienced enough positive things with the more detailed reports to think there may be some validity to it. I'm not talking horoscopes, but individualized reports based on birth date and location. Now that I know that information about P, earlier today I plugged us into some sample relationship/compatibility reports.
Now as a Christian, I don't look to the stars to guide my every step. Just because an astrology report says something doesn't mean I'll accept it as truth. However, I do also hold the belief that God can speak to us in many different ways, and that perhaps through his creation and the stars is one of them. We have people who have made it their life's mission to interpret God's messages through the Bible, why not people who interpret his messages through the stars and planets? (I know, crazy liberal Christian.)
All of the reports shine great big bright green lights on the relationship between me and P. A solid go for the long term, fireworks for sexual chemistry, waving banners for overall compatibility. It's the first time I've gotten this kind of "blessing" from an astrological report about a guy.
Again, just because some astrological report says that unicorns, rainbows, and glitter are in our future doesn't mean it will happen. Relationships take work from both people. The more I get to know P, the more I'm learning how to read between his lines. So what does this make K? I have no idea. I'm not opposed to seeing him again, but I'm not enthusiastic, either.
Once again, it is up to my old friend time. He will tell.
On my way to meet K, I texted my good friend M. "WHY am I going on this date that I don't want to go on?!" I have lauded my fantastic friends before, and I continue to do so. Her response: "Because you need to figure out if you're really as smitten with P as you think you are."
Touche.
In our conversation that followed, I told her I'd probably feel differently if I was at least a little bit twitterpated over K. Again, her wisdom and perspective showed through as she told me when she first met her current boyfriend -- they've been dating over 3 years -- she wasn't twitterpated at all but was glad she gave him a second chance. Hmmm.
K's profile lists him as a 31 year old, 6'0" male whose body type is "a few extra pounds." In the video he sent me, "a few extra pounds" would be generous. Been there, done that before with guys on Match who have an altered view of their body type. That was one reason, admittedly, I wasn't so gung-ho about this date. Also, the fact that after we confirmed the date I didn't hear a peep from him for almost 5 days didn't fill me with excitement. He came on strong -- asking for a date in the first email strong -- and then suddenly, once he's got a date confirmed, drops out of sight.
He was a little late for the date, and since we haven't exchanged phone numbers he had no way of letting me know. But, he apologized immediately. I'm not sure he's really 6'0", but he isn't "a few extra pounds." Really, he's "average." So, a point in the plus column. He's a former stand-up comedian/actor who has worked all his life in the restaurant business; he now manages a franchise of a medium level nationwide chain with aspirations to climb their corporate ladder and ultimately break out and open his own restaurant.
Coffee and conversation is the baseline. And that's about where the similarities end.
The conversation with K wasn't bad, but it wasn't spectacular. Our mutual interests are food, sports, and of sorts, theater/comedy. (With P, it was art, architecture, movies, politics, technology, and more.) We chatted for about an hour and 20 minutes, with a few awkward lulls. His body language was interesting; many indications of "I'm into you" but with a very difficult time with eye contact. He was the first to drop a "I should probably let you go" line, but was very unenthusiastic about it and ultimately I'm the one who ended the date. At the end, he walked me to my car and gave me a hug that any body language expert would probably scratch their heads at: a one-arm pseudo half-hug ("friends"), but also rubbing his hand up and down my back ("sexual interest"). His parting words: "I'll be in touch." But, he didn't ask for my phone number.
I really don't know clearly how I feel. He was more attractive than I was expecting, but the conversation... my coffee date with P was two and a half hours -- almost twice as long -- and the conversation never lulled. I left exhilarated. I couldn't wait to update my Facebook status and blog about the date even though it was after 10:00 at night, I hadn't eaten dinner, and I had to work in the morning. With K, I left feeling... meh. I stopped for Chinese take-out and ate that, caught up on my Words With Friends and Dice With Buddies games, scrolled through my Facebook news feed without updating my status, and then I pulled out the computer to blog... at a little after 6:00 in the evening. Would I be willing to see K again? Honestly, it depends on what happens with P when he gets back from his high school reunion weekend. I know chemistry can take time to develop, and I know my senses are dulled because of my (at the least) hormonal infatuation with P. I have to admit, the lack of phone number thing I find a little odd, disturbing even. Every other guy I've met on Match has given me their number before we went on a date -- one of them did that even though he never asked me out.
I just don't know. This isn't a case of me being divided between two men that I'm equally enamored with. Frankly, if both P and K were to ask me for a date at the same time, I know exactly who I would choose. If P asks me what I did this weekend, I'll be perfectly fine saying I met a friend for coffee because, at this point, I don't really feel anything romantic towards K. It might have been a "date," but I no longer feel like I was "cheating" on P (even though there's no official relationship to be cheating on).
There's one other thing admittedly clouding my judgement. I've mentioned before about astrology, how I've experienced enough positive things with the more detailed reports to think there may be some validity to it. I'm not talking horoscopes, but individualized reports based on birth date and location. Now that I know that information about P, earlier today I plugged us into some sample relationship/compatibility reports.
Now as a Christian, I don't look to the stars to guide my every step. Just because an astrology report says something doesn't mean I'll accept it as truth. However, I do also hold the belief that God can speak to us in many different ways, and that perhaps through his creation and the stars is one of them. We have people who have made it their life's mission to interpret God's messages through the Bible, why not people who interpret his messages through the stars and planets? (I know, crazy liberal Christian.)
All of the reports shine great big bright green lights on the relationship between me and P. A solid go for the long term, fireworks for sexual chemistry, waving banners for overall compatibility. It's the first time I've gotten this kind of "blessing" from an astrological report about a guy.
Again, just because some astrological report says that unicorns, rainbows, and glitter are in our future doesn't mean it will happen. Relationships take work from both people. The more I get to know P, the more I'm learning how to read between his lines. So what does this make K? I have no idea. I'm not opposed to seeing him again, but I'm not enthusiastic, either.
Once again, it is up to my old friend time. He will tell.
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