The Way We Were Created
My last couple of blog posts have probably raised a few eyebrows among some of my friends. Even in 2012 America, there is still a fairly strong undercurrent that sex, or at least having frank and open discussions about sex between consenting adults, is strictly taboo. Certainly I was raised that way; my dad is a fairly conservative Baptist minister and my mother a nurse who, until she married my father, only really understood the anatomical aspects of sex. My "birds and bees" talk consisted of "when two people are married, they do certain things together" and I knew all about the correct anatomical names for every part. Great, if I wanted to be a gynecologist. For practical information about sex, I had to go elsewhere.
For the most part, I've always been a "good girl." I was raised conservative and I have worked for churches and other religious-affiliated organizations for the majority of my career to date. So for me to talk openly on the blogosphere about sexting and sex in general is shocking and at the same time liberating.
It may come as a surprise that part of my shift in attitude towards sex over the past couple of years actually stems from some faith development classes I was required to attend. I teach at a school that is affiliated with a large and conservative religious denomination. Rather than have teacher inservices, we have "Faith Formation." One year, it was decided that we would study, via a series of handouts and DVD presentations, Pope John Paul II's book Theology of the Body. What Theology of the Body is, is a compilation of the former Pontiff's writings and sermons on sex, sexuality, and his interpretation of scriptures and the Catholic dogma.
Although the Catholic Church continues to teach that sex is primarily for procreation, Pope John Paul II also stated very clearly that God created us to be sexual creatures. Sex is a natural expression for us. God made sex enjoyable for a reason, and it is why we are capable of having and enjoying sex even when we are no longer capable of producing off-spring.
Biblical teachings about sex and sexuality are topics that continue to be hotly debated. Our culture is dividing itself over what is marriage, what a woman should be allowed to do with her body, if pornography is destroying our nation. While we continue to snip and snarl, across the Atlantic in Europe and just north of us in Canada, humans have very open dialogues and attitudes about sex, sexuality, and marriage -- and those countries are doing just fine. Frankly, I think as a nation we are much too concerned with what other people are doing in their bedrooms when it's none of our business.
Show me where, in the Bible, Jesus said premarital sex was wrong. I'll give you a hint -- you won't find it. He denounces adultery when he saves the woman from being stoned, and it can be interpreted that he admonishes her for her multiple marriages and that she is currently with someone who isn't her husband. He says to her, "Go forth and sin no more." But does he actually say, "stop having sex with him, as he is not your husband?" No, he doesn't. When Jesus says, "Go forth and sin no more," he could be referring to the fact that she has been an adulterer -- unfaithful to her partner -- or perhaps it is more innocuous, such as no more lying. If you want to interpret "go forth and sin no more" as "stop having sex outside of marriage," I hope you apply that same logic to those who were ready to stone her. Remember, Jesus said to them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Did he mean, "He who has never had sex outside of marriage, cast the first stone?" Or was he being much broader in his definition of "sin?" We tend to take one verse and twist it to mean what we want it to mean, when there are larger concepts to be learned from the teachings of Jesus.
In a day and age where we have so-called leaders of our country spouting off about legitimate versus illegitimate rape, it is clear there are a lot of misconceptions and misinformation about sex that are prevalent. Whenever I don't understand something, I ask questions. I seek out information. I talk to those who know more than I do. So why are we so afraid to talk about sex?
Communication is key to a healthy sexual encounter. This is one area where sexting is proving to be quite helpful. One can say racy things that we might feel rather awkward saying in person, and we can work out some rules, if you will, before the actual encounter ever comes. Am I willing to do this? Allow that? Would I enjoy this or that? And I can ask similar questions. Should P and I ever get past sexting and actually find time to be together in private, we already know things that are going to get the other going -- in the right way -- and things that they won't like.
Talking about sex with friends is also very liberating. I don't mean dishing about your latest romp in the sack, "kissing and telling" so to say. I mean sharing tips and tricks. Thanks to sexting, I have a good insight on what P's top wants are, and thanks to random conversations in the past, I know I have one girlfriend who is quite willing to talk about that subject. She happened to be in town last weekend, and we and another friend found about 5-10 minutes to swap ideas. Very helpful. I also have quite a few close gay friends, who are even less uptight when it comes to talking about sex, and they are almost always willing to enlighten others.
No matter what role one plays in the bedroom, be it aggressor, submissive, or other forms of role playing, confidence is sexy. Knowing what you want, knowing what your partner wants, is a huge turn-on. We were made to be sexual creatures, to desire that kind of pleasure and to want to give it to others. It is a desire that comes with responsibilities, but it is perfectly healthy and should not be kept in the darkened bedroom in the bedside table. For me, I'm not advocating sleeping with every man who expresses an interest; the actual act of sex is still something I don't give away lightly or easily. But when one comes along who does interest me in that way, I'm glad to rock it out as a strong, confident, sexually healthy woman who is not embarrassed to buy condoms and lube in broad daylight.
Are you?
For the most part, I've always been a "good girl." I was raised conservative and I have worked for churches and other religious-affiliated organizations for the majority of my career to date. So for me to talk openly on the blogosphere about sexting and sex in general is shocking and at the same time liberating.
It may come as a surprise that part of my shift in attitude towards sex over the past couple of years actually stems from some faith development classes I was required to attend. I teach at a school that is affiliated with a large and conservative religious denomination. Rather than have teacher inservices, we have "Faith Formation." One year, it was decided that we would study, via a series of handouts and DVD presentations, Pope John Paul II's book Theology of the Body. What Theology of the Body is, is a compilation of the former Pontiff's writings and sermons on sex, sexuality, and his interpretation of scriptures and the Catholic dogma.
Although the Catholic Church continues to teach that sex is primarily for procreation, Pope John Paul II also stated very clearly that God created us to be sexual creatures. Sex is a natural expression for us. God made sex enjoyable for a reason, and it is why we are capable of having and enjoying sex even when we are no longer capable of producing off-spring.
Biblical teachings about sex and sexuality are topics that continue to be hotly debated. Our culture is dividing itself over what is marriage, what a woman should be allowed to do with her body, if pornography is destroying our nation. While we continue to snip and snarl, across the Atlantic in Europe and just north of us in Canada, humans have very open dialogues and attitudes about sex, sexuality, and marriage -- and those countries are doing just fine. Frankly, I think as a nation we are much too concerned with what other people are doing in their bedrooms when it's none of our business.
Show me where, in the Bible, Jesus said premarital sex was wrong. I'll give you a hint -- you won't find it. He denounces adultery when he saves the woman from being stoned, and it can be interpreted that he admonishes her for her multiple marriages and that she is currently with someone who isn't her husband. He says to her, "Go forth and sin no more." But does he actually say, "stop having sex with him, as he is not your husband?" No, he doesn't. When Jesus says, "Go forth and sin no more," he could be referring to the fact that she has been an adulterer -- unfaithful to her partner -- or perhaps it is more innocuous, such as no more lying. If you want to interpret "go forth and sin no more" as "stop having sex outside of marriage," I hope you apply that same logic to those who were ready to stone her. Remember, Jesus said to them, "He who is without sin, cast the first stone." Did he mean, "He who has never had sex outside of marriage, cast the first stone?" Or was he being much broader in his definition of "sin?" We tend to take one verse and twist it to mean what we want it to mean, when there are larger concepts to be learned from the teachings of Jesus.
In a day and age where we have so-called leaders of our country spouting off about legitimate versus illegitimate rape, it is clear there are a lot of misconceptions and misinformation about sex that are prevalent. Whenever I don't understand something, I ask questions. I seek out information. I talk to those who know more than I do. So why are we so afraid to talk about sex?
Communication is key to a healthy sexual encounter. This is one area where sexting is proving to be quite helpful. One can say racy things that we might feel rather awkward saying in person, and we can work out some rules, if you will, before the actual encounter ever comes. Am I willing to do this? Allow that? Would I enjoy this or that? And I can ask similar questions. Should P and I ever get past sexting and actually find time to be together in private, we already know things that are going to get the other going -- in the right way -- and things that they won't like.
Talking about sex with friends is also very liberating. I don't mean dishing about your latest romp in the sack, "kissing and telling" so to say. I mean sharing tips and tricks. Thanks to sexting, I have a good insight on what P's top wants are, and thanks to random conversations in the past, I know I have one girlfriend who is quite willing to talk about that subject. She happened to be in town last weekend, and we and another friend found about 5-10 minutes to swap ideas. Very helpful. I also have quite a few close gay friends, who are even less uptight when it comes to talking about sex, and they are almost always willing to enlighten others.
No matter what role one plays in the bedroom, be it aggressor, submissive, or other forms of role playing, confidence is sexy. Knowing what you want, knowing what your partner wants, is a huge turn-on. We were made to be sexual creatures, to desire that kind of pleasure and to want to give it to others. It is a desire that comes with responsibilities, but it is perfectly healthy and should not be kept in the darkened bedroom in the bedside table. For me, I'm not advocating sleeping with every man who expresses an interest; the actual act of sex is still something I don't give away lightly or easily. But when one comes along who does interest me in that way, I'm glad to rock it out as a strong, confident, sexually healthy woman who is not embarrassed to buy condoms and lube in broad daylight.
Are you?
*Stand and applauding*
ReplyDeleteI have been sitting back and waiting and wondering how or even if, you would address the turn, so to speak, that your blog has taken as of late. In the beginning of this latest adventure you seemed pretty confident that you couldn't go THERE in this format. My how things can change, and quickly.
As your friend I couldn't possibly be more proud of you right now! It doesn't matter whether I, or anyone else for that matter, agree or disagree with you on the subject because you just OWNED your stance and that, my dear, is most respectable.
Ok, I'm caught up on all your posts.
ReplyDeleteGood insight here, and lots to digest. But you're overthinking this.
Throw your head back and fuck him silly. Walk tall and take the upper hand. You got this, girl.