To Go Where No (wo)Man Has Gone Before...
The title really should read, "To Go Where This Woman Has Never Gone Before," but then we'd lose the whole Star Trek reference. And when one is twitterpated over a Trekkie, one learns about accurately quoting the beloved institution. He's not reading this blog -- at least, as far as I know -- but as a musician I was raised to "practice as you'd perform."
Anyone who knows me or who has been reading this blog knows that dating is foreign territory for me. I've been in a few unusual relationships, but to really accurately say "boyfriend," I'd probably have to go back to high school. How pathetic. I'm terrified of being hurt, I'm terrified of opening myself up, really opening myself up, to another person to see my flaws, my scars. In spite of being somewhat emotionally driven, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve for the world to see. As a result, when I think I'm being obvious, I'm not.
Yesterday I had a blessed day to do precious little. After a whirlwind weekend, it was a very nice holiday. It also gave me time to do some "research," if you will. Hey, once an academician, always an academician. This dating/relationship stuff is hard, but the Internet isn't short on advice. Now Cosmopolitan magazine may or may not be the best resource (as us academics would say, not empirical or "peer-reviewed") but it has a plethora of information. And in true academic fashion, if what Cosmo is saying correlates with multiple other sources, then it's probably fairly accurate.
At the very least, they've talked to a heck of a lot more guys than I have about these things.
One "piece of advice" from guys that I've read several times now is that they appreciate it when a woman is direct. Not blunt, not bludgeoning them, but not playing word games. Us ladies are wordsmiths. We often spend a great deal of time making sure we select the exact words we want to use when we send a text or email. We read between the lines. We analyze. If we receive a text, especially if it is from someone we are infatuated with, it is not uncommon for us to look for deeper meanings, innuendos, even misinterpretations.
I mused over that advice a lot yesterday. Being up front isn't always my strength. I'm a pacifist, to an extent; I just want to see people get along peacefully and harmoniously. I detest conflict and tension. And whilst musing, I thought about P and his personality, now that I'm getting to see more and more of it.
He's very intelligent. And, he's kind of a big geek. I don't know if there are classifications for Trekkies, but anyone who has had dinner with at least a half dozen of the actors has to rank pretty high on the Trekkie scale. He's actually kind of sensitive about the Trekkie thing; my friend and I believe that somewhere in his past the Trekkie stuff has gotten him hurt by someone he cared about; perhaps it even played a role in his divorce. Anything's possible. He isn't the first Trekkie or sci-fi affectionado I've known, although he is the most intense.
Being a bit of a geek myself -- granted, I'm a music nerd with a healthy dose of grammar nazi and health dork thrown in -- I understand the personality of the intellectual. Society isn't always kind to us. I have often been in social situations myself where I've internalized my cringing over horrendous grammar or spelling or done my best to not flinch or explode when I get dragged into a conversation about what a great "opera" Phantom of the Opera is. (Side note: I love Phantom. Absolutely love it. I have a good friend singing Carlotta on Broadway right now. But it is not an opera.) I also understand how sensitive us nerds can be.
I've said this a couple of times in the past few blogs, but I've started to see a little of P's insecurity. Well, at least I'm interpreting things that way and granted I could be very wrong. I'm not used to being in the position of being the desired one. I've certainly been in the position of desiring another, and knowing that he was not available to me. I think I'm in the position of being desired by P -- the signs seem to be there, that's for sure. And I think, by extension, that he's beginning to be afraid that as I get to know him more, I'll like him less. I sense a bit of once bitten, twice shy coming through, which is completely understandable.
If this continues to develop, yes, we'll hit that point where the little things that we once thought were cute become annoying. He'll probably get upset at me for mandating the permanent retirement of his horribly worn-out sandals. (I'm thinking an incinerator would do nicely.) But this is all part of two humans working together to make something work. Relationships, marriages, romantic or just platonic, all take work.
They also take someone stepping out on faith every now and then.
So I did that this morning. I sent a text that was just a touch racy (PG, maybe PG-13) but that also said, "I haven't felt this way about anyone in a very long time." That was almost an hour ago and I haven't gotten a reply yet. I may not. He may be cooling off on me. (Out comes my inner pessimist!) Only time will tell. And if he's cooling off on me, well... I have ice cream in the freezer, 2/3 of a small box of See's Candies, 1.67 bottles of wine, and some good girlfriends I can call.
Anyone who knows me or who has been reading this blog knows that dating is foreign territory for me. I've been in a few unusual relationships, but to really accurately say "boyfriend," I'd probably have to go back to high school. How pathetic. I'm terrified of being hurt, I'm terrified of opening myself up, really opening myself up, to another person to see my flaws, my scars. In spite of being somewhat emotionally driven, I don't wear my heart on my sleeve for the world to see. As a result, when I think I'm being obvious, I'm not.
Yesterday I had a blessed day to do precious little. After a whirlwind weekend, it was a very nice holiday. It also gave me time to do some "research," if you will. Hey, once an academician, always an academician. This dating/relationship stuff is hard, but the Internet isn't short on advice. Now Cosmopolitan magazine may or may not be the best resource (as us academics would say, not empirical or "peer-reviewed") but it has a plethora of information. And in true academic fashion, if what Cosmo is saying correlates with multiple other sources, then it's probably fairly accurate.
At the very least, they've talked to a heck of a lot more guys than I have about these things.
One "piece of advice" from guys that I've read several times now is that they appreciate it when a woman is direct. Not blunt, not bludgeoning them, but not playing word games. Us ladies are wordsmiths. We often spend a great deal of time making sure we select the exact words we want to use when we send a text or email. We read between the lines. We analyze. If we receive a text, especially if it is from someone we are infatuated with, it is not uncommon for us to look for deeper meanings, innuendos, even misinterpretations.
I mused over that advice a lot yesterday. Being up front isn't always my strength. I'm a pacifist, to an extent; I just want to see people get along peacefully and harmoniously. I detest conflict and tension. And whilst musing, I thought about P and his personality, now that I'm getting to see more and more of it.
He's very intelligent. And, he's kind of a big geek. I don't know if there are classifications for Trekkies, but anyone who has had dinner with at least a half dozen of the actors has to rank pretty high on the Trekkie scale. He's actually kind of sensitive about the Trekkie thing; my friend and I believe that somewhere in his past the Trekkie stuff has gotten him hurt by someone he cared about; perhaps it even played a role in his divorce. Anything's possible. He isn't the first Trekkie or sci-fi affectionado I've known, although he is the most intense.
Being a bit of a geek myself -- granted, I'm a music nerd with a healthy dose of grammar nazi and health dork thrown in -- I understand the personality of the intellectual. Society isn't always kind to us. I have often been in social situations myself where I've internalized my cringing over horrendous grammar or spelling or done my best to not flinch or explode when I get dragged into a conversation about what a great "opera" Phantom of the Opera is. (Side note: I love Phantom. Absolutely love it. I have a good friend singing Carlotta on Broadway right now. But it is not an opera.) I also understand how sensitive us nerds can be.
I've said this a couple of times in the past few blogs, but I've started to see a little of P's insecurity. Well, at least I'm interpreting things that way and granted I could be very wrong. I'm not used to being in the position of being the desired one. I've certainly been in the position of desiring another, and knowing that he was not available to me. I think I'm in the position of being desired by P -- the signs seem to be there, that's for sure. And I think, by extension, that he's beginning to be afraid that as I get to know him more, I'll like him less. I sense a bit of once bitten, twice shy coming through, which is completely understandable.
If this continues to develop, yes, we'll hit that point where the little things that we once thought were cute become annoying. He'll probably get upset at me for mandating the permanent retirement of his horribly worn-out sandals. (I'm thinking an incinerator would do nicely.) But this is all part of two humans working together to make something work. Relationships, marriages, romantic or just platonic, all take work.
They also take someone stepping out on faith every now and then.
So I did that this morning. I sent a text that was just a touch racy (PG, maybe PG-13) but that also said, "I haven't felt this way about anyone in a very long time." That was almost an hour ago and I haven't gotten a reply yet. I may not. He may be cooling off on me. (Out comes my inner pessimist!) Only time will tell. And if he's cooling off on me, well... I have ice cream in the freezer, 2/3 of a small box of See's Candies, 1.67 bottles of wine, and some good girlfriends I can call.
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