Trying to Keep Perspective
I admit it: I am not always a very patient person. I've said this before on this blog, too: when infatuated with someone, what is actually only a few hours feels like an eternity. Also repeating, essentially, what I've said before: men and women have a difficult time communicating sometimes.
The past couple of days have seen a decrease in the communication between me and P. Unfortunately having spent part of Monday reading "advice" articles on Cosmopolitan.com, I should be getting ready to classify P as an "asshole," among other colorful titles. Then again, it's Cosmo, for crying out loud. Fortunately, I am surrounded by wiser women than me and I'm not necessarily chopped liver myself.
Women are natural communicators. Men are not. Women want to talk, to text, to relate information. We drop hints and crumbs, hoping our man will figure them out and ask us about our day. Let's be honest here. Very few men are really sensitive enough to pick up on that. If they don't have time to talk or text, they don't respond. Sometimes it is indeed something to be taken personally, but often it is not, because it is simply a matter of practicality.
Men, however, don't want to talk feelings. They aren't necessarily going to send random "thinking of you" text messages. They might, this is a true possibility. However, we live in the real world, down here on Planet Earth, not in the world of Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook" or any other sappy chick-flick. Maybe it's my luck with men, but I find them to often be "out of sight, (mostly) out of mind." And just because the girlfriend/lady friend/significant other/gal he's dating pops into his mind, it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to text her. He might smile at the thought of her, but then it's back to work for him.
Yesterday morning, I sent that text I blogged about -- the one that was pretty direct about my feelings. I fretted for hours over the lack of a response, even though I myself was pretty crazy busy. Finally around 9:00 at night, I couldn't stand it anymore, and I sent him a text that basically asked if I'd offended or upset him in any way. He responded almost right away that he'd just been running behind all day, had his son that night, and was in the middle of helping a friend with car problems.
Typical me, overreacting, overanalyzing. I could continue to do that with his response, too. Or, I could give him the benefit of the doubt and simply take it at face value. I chose to do the latter. After all, although the text I'd sent in the morning was... thought-provoking, perhaps, it didn't demand a response. Communication! Supposedly men need us to be direct -- you want a response? Ask a question! So having come to some peace with the matter, I made myself promise to not text him today.
Ha. We all know how good my resolve at that is.
I texted him towards the end of my dinner break, a brief comment about the restaurant we'd gone to. It was actually a follow-up from a conversation we'd had in person over the weekend. It took almost an hour, but I did get a response -- that was actually a question, no less. We didn't have a real conversation then, but I was back in rehearsals and he's been working absolutely ridiculous hours at work. I didn't get out until 10:00, and he's often asleep by then (only to wake up for a bit around 3:30). I'm not surprised I didn't get an answer to my responsory text.
Maybe my inner optimist is showing, only to be rudely embarrassed, but part of me is thinking that he feels pretty confident about "us," and me, and where everything is, and that he doesn't need to be going so much for the "hard sell" right now. I have to admit, this is partially true. I'm kind of a push-over when it comes to him. Perhaps that is a reason why the communication is dropping slightly.
Slightly. That's the key word. It's a perspective thing. I get all wrapped up in "he hasn't responded! I've done something to piss him off!" thoughts, until I re-read our text conversations. Then I realize that it has only been one day, or a few hours, that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. That in reality, he's been good at communicating. I also have to remember that right now, this week, my schedule is beyond crazy. When I have time to zip him a text, I literally have only a few minutes, so my mind is already in speedy race mode. Ergo, a lack of an "immediate" response causes panic. Silly rabbit, he has a job, too.
Just trying to keep perspective as my heart and mind compete to see who will control my emotions on a daily basis...
The past couple of days have seen a decrease in the communication between me and P. Unfortunately having spent part of Monday reading "advice" articles on Cosmopolitan.com, I should be getting ready to classify P as an "asshole," among other colorful titles. Then again, it's Cosmo, for crying out loud. Fortunately, I am surrounded by wiser women than me and I'm not necessarily chopped liver myself.
Women are natural communicators. Men are not. Women want to talk, to text, to relate information. We drop hints and crumbs, hoping our man will figure them out and ask us about our day. Let's be honest here. Very few men are really sensitive enough to pick up on that. If they don't have time to talk or text, they don't respond. Sometimes it is indeed something to be taken personally, but often it is not, because it is simply a matter of practicality.
Men, however, don't want to talk feelings. They aren't necessarily going to send random "thinking of you" text messages. They might, this is a true possibility. However, we live in the real world, down here on Planet Earth, not in the world of Nicholas Sparks's "The Notebook" or any other sappy chick-flick. Maybe it's my luck with men, but I find them to often be "out of sight, (mostly) out of mind." And just because the girlfriend/lady friend/significant other/gal he's dating pops into his mind, it doesn't necessarily mean he's going to text her. He might smile at the thought of her, but then it's back to work for him.
Yesterday morning, I sent that text I blogged about -- the one that was pretty direct about my feelings. I fretted for hours over the lack of a response, even though I myself was pretty crazy busy. Finally around 9:00 at night, I couldn't stand it anymore, and I sent him a text that basically asked if I'd offended or upset him in any way. He responded almost right away that he'd just been running behind all day, had his son that night, and was in the middle of helping a friend with car problems.
Typical me, overreacting, overanalyzing. I could continue to do that with his response, too. Or, I could give him the benefit of the doubt and simply take it at face value. I chose to do the latter. After all, although the text I'd sent in the morning was... thought-provoking, perhaps, it didn't demand a response. Communication! Supposedly men need us to be direct -- you want a response? Ask a question! So having come to some peace with the matter, I made myself promise to not text him today.
Ha. We all know how good my resolve at that is.
I texted him towards the end of my dinner break, a brief comment about the restaurant we'd gone to. It was actually a follow-up from a conversation we'd had in person over the weekend. It took almost an hour, but I did get a response -- that was actually a question, no less. We didn't have a real conversation then, but I was back in rehearsals and he's been working absolutely ridiculous hours at work. I didn't get out until 10:00, and he's often asleep by then (only to wake up for a bit around 3:30). I'm not surprised I didn't get an answer to my responsory text.
Maybe my inner optimist is showing, only to be rudely embarrassed, but part of me is thinking that he feels pretty confident about "us," and me, and where everything is, and that he doesn't need to be going so much for the "hard sell" right now. I have to admit, this is partially true. I'm kind of a push-over when it comes to him. Perhaps that is a reason why the communication is dropping slightly.
Slightly. That's the key word. It's a perspective thing. I get all wrapped up in "he hasn't responded! I've done something to piss him off!" thoughts, until I re-read our text conversations. Then I realize that it has only been one day, or a few hours, that I'm making a mountain out of a mole hill. That in reality, he's been good at communicating. I also have to remember that right now, this week, my schedule is beyond crazy. When I have time to zip him a text, I literally have only a few minutes, so my mind is already in speedy race mode. Ergo, a lack of an "immediate" response causes panic. Silly rabbit, he has a job, too.
Just trying to keep perspective as my heart and mind compete to see who will control my emotions on a daily basis...
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