Do Guppies Have Morals?
For some reason, I seem to have grown up hearing the colloquialism "s/he has the morals of a guppy." I don't even know if that's a "real" saying. On top of that, a guppy is a fish. Can a fish even have morals? And it's a guppy. These are pretty much the lowest of the low fish. Fish food for other bigger fish.
Yet "the morals of a guppy" line was going through my head at about 4:30 this morning. It was part of my internal dialogue as I was zipping back down I-35 on my way home. The rest of the conversation included lines such as "Did I really just do that?" and "What in the heck did I just do?"
After a 36+ hour period of texting silence from me, last night around 8:15 or so I sent P a text that was not racy, just friendly. It was a "wow, I'm glad this long day is over, are you still alive" kind of text. I finally got a reply shortly after midnight, wherein he told me he almost called me at 3 a.m. the day before to help him with a ... personal problem. My ultimate reply to that was that it was too bad he was out of town this weekend, and that another round would be nice.
At 3:00 in the morning, P's text message tone sounded again. Somebody was up. Literally. And apparently when I said it was too bad he would be gone because I wanted to do certain things to him, he took that to mean I'd be up to doing those certain things tonight. If I have any shred of dignity left to cling to for what followed, it would have to be that it took him almost 30 minutes to convince me to drive to his house.
At least at 3:30 in the morning, traffic is very light. Almost non-existent.
Tonight's ... er, this morning's romp was all about him, and I was well aware of that before I drove over there. I know I won't be discovering any peculiar bruises or scratches in unexpected places, unlike I did in the days following the first romp. I do have an interesting abrasion on the top of my foot, though.
So now I'm left to wallow in my own post-booty call thoughts and reflections. The first coupling, once things were completely under way, was almost animalistic. It was as if he had something to prove -- his virility, his masculinity, his strength, his ability to conquer a woman. Elements of "me, man, you, woman... feel me take you." Yet, when it was over, he was tender, wanting to cuddle. In our second rendezvous, he was ... much gentler. It didn't feel like it was about the conquest. Wanting to hold hands and keep periodic eye contact -- to the point of cupping my cheek and gently lifting my head up to look him in the eyes more than once -- during a sex act is a very intimate gesture.
Afterwards, though... once sufficiently recovered he got up to see what time it was, smacking me on the ass as he went by and then kissing me on the forehead. Upon comparing what time our respective alarms were going off -- mine in a mere 1:15 -- he said, "You need to get out of here and get home!"
No post-orgasm cuddling for him today. And I was really okay with that.
Still, trying to set aside the over-analyzing of the body language and all that, I'm once again left to try to figure out what in the heck is really going on with us. My gut -- which has been known to be both right and wrong -- is saying I'm a booty call and little more. We no longer really text about innocuous subjects, although in person we do talk about inane, day-to-day kind of things. He doesn't necessarily seem to be interested in spending time together doing mundane things (as per his Match profile) or even on a date -- however he has been told that since I'm keeping him happy, when the bill comes he better pay up! And both of our schedules are challenging, to say the least.
On the flip side, I've admittedly been doing a lot of reading up on body language and other communication between men and women, particularly when it comes to relationships. First off, it is fairly clear to me that P has some insecurities that he's trying to not show -- he has a frequent need for reassurance about certain things, and even how he chooses to be dominant or not when it comes to the sex speaks volumes. The biggest thing is when it comes to kissing. Remember back to the famous baseball weekend, and how he tried to go in for a kiss and I shot him down? My gut has always, in small part, regretted that instantaneous decision. Outside the throes of sex, he's now very hesitant to initiate a kiss -- but when I do, he responds very eagerly. It seems to me that he needs a lot of reassuring that I'm really as into him as I say I am, that he's not just some well-endow man parts for me to play with.
Secondly, the general body language of every encounter, sex or not, is positive. Every "expert" I've read agrees with 99% of his actions being those that are "totally into me." The one where they disagree is the kiss on the forehead that I got in the wee hours of this morning. Some say it is an indicator of "just friends." Others say it is a nurturing, caring, protective gesture of adoration. Of course, neither make any specification as to situational relativity. I came across one site, a Q & A site, that was discussing this very thing. Overwhelmingly those who chimed in -- and this was both male and female -- said that in their experiences a kiss on the forehead showed tender caring and adoration.
Hmmmm.
Body language says one thing, text messages kind of say another, because even when I try to initiate a simple conversation he pretty much immediately turns it into sex. When we're in person, though, the conversation is as it was on our first date. I'm beginning to think more and more that the one article I read that said many men need sex to establish an emotional connection with a woman is directly applicable to P.
Meanwhile, I have Saturday's date with K coming up. Since confirming the time and location, I haven't heard from him. Interesting. I'm trying to go into this open-minded, but I have to admit it's hard. Now that P and I are "repeats" (and in less than a week), even though we haven't even uttered a word about being in a relationship, I feel a certain deeper connection to him than I can explain.
But one thing I can tell you for certain: the next time he texts me at 3 o'clock in the morning wanting some action, he's the one getting in the car and driving.
Yet "the morals of a guppy" line was going through my head at about 4:30 this morning. It was part of my internal dialogue as I was zipping back down I-35 on my way home. The rest of the conversation included lines such as "Did I really just do that?" and "What in the heck did I just do?"
After a 36+ hour period of texting silence from me, last night around 8:15 or so I sent P a text that was not racy, just friendly. It was a "wow, I'm glad this long day is over, are you still alive" kind of text. I finally got a reply shortly after midnight, wherein he told me he almost called me at 3 a.m. the day before to help him with a ... personal problem. My ultimate reply to that was that it was too bad he was out of town this weekend, and that another round would be nice.
At 3:00 in the morning, P's text message tone sounded again. Somebody was up. Literally. And apparently when I said it was too bad he would be gone because I wanted to do certain things to him, he took that to mean I'd be up to doing those certain things tonight. If I have any shred of dignity left to cling to for what followed, it would have to be that it took him almost 30 minutes to convince me to drive to his house.
At least at 3:30 in the morning, traffic is very light. Almost non-existent.
Tonight's ... er, this morning's romp was all about him, and I was well aware of that before I drove over there. I know I won't be discovering any peculiar bruises or scratches in unexpected places, unlike I did in the days following the first romp. I do have an interesting abrasion on the top of my foot, though.
So now I'm left to wallow in my own post-booty call thoughts and reflections. The first coupling, once things were completely under way, was almost animalistic. It was as if he had something to prove -- his virility, his masculinity, his strength, his ability to conquer a woman. Elements of "me, man, you, woman... feel me take you." Yet, when it was over, he was tender, wanting to cuddle. In our second rendezvous, he was ... much gentler. It didn't feel like it was about the conquest. Wanting to hold hands and keep periodic eye contact -- to the point of cupping my cheek and gently lifting my head up to look him in the eyes more than once -- during a sex act is a very intimate gesture.
Afterwards, though... once sufficiently recovered he got up to see what time it was, smacking me on the ass as he went by and then kissing me on the forehead. Upon comparing what time our respective alarms were going off -- mine in a mere 1:15 -- he said, "You need to get out of here and get home!"
No post-orgasm cuddling for him today. And I was really okay with that.
Still, trying to set aside the over-analyzing of the body language and all that, I'm once again left to try to figure out what in the heck is really going on with us. My gut -- which has been known to be both right and wrong -- is saying I'm a booty call and little more. We no longer really text about innocuous subjects, although in person we do talk about inane, day-to-day kind of things. He doesn't necessarily seem to be interested in spending time together doing mundane things (as per his Match profile) or even on a date -- however he has been told that since I'm keeping him happy, when the bill comes he better pay up! And both of our schedules are challenging, to say the least.
On the flip side, I've admittedly been doing a lot of reading up on body language and other communication between men and women, particularly when it comes to relationships. First off, it is fairly clear to me that P has some insecurities that he's trying to not show -- he has a frequent need for reassurance about certain things, and even how he chooses to be dominant or not when it comes to the sex speaks volumes. The biggest thing is when it comes to kissing. Remember back to the famous baseball weekend, and how he tried to go in for a kiss and I shot him down? My gut has always, in small part, regretted that instantaneous decision. Outside the throes of sex, he's now very hesitant to initiate a kiss -- but when I do, he responds very eagerly. It seems to me that he needs a lot of reassuring that I'm really as into him as I say I am, that he's not just some well-endow man parts for me to play with.
Secondly, the general body language of every encounter, sex or not, is positive. Every "expert" I've read agrees with 99% of his actions being those that are "totally into me." The one where they disagree is the kiss on the forehead that I got in the wee hours of this morning. Some say it is an indicator of "just friends." Others say it is a nurturing, caring, protective gesture of adoration. Of course, neither make any specification as to situational relativity. I came across one site, a Q & A site, that was discussing this very thing. Overwhelmingly those who chimed in -- and this was both male and female -- said that in their experiences a kiss on the forehead showed tender caring and adoration.
Hmmmm.
Body language says one thing, text messages kind of say another, because even when I try to initiate a simple conversation he pretty much immediately turns it into sex. When we're in person, though, the conversation is as it was on our first date. I'm beginning to think more and more that the one article I read that said many men need sex to establish an emotional connection with a woman is directly applicable to P.
Meanwhile, I have Saturday's date with K coming up. Since confirming the time and location, I haven't heard from him. Interesting. I'm trying to go into this open-minded, but I have to admit it's hard. Now that P and I are "repeats" (and in less than a week), even though we haven't even uttered a word about being in a relationship, I feel a certain deeper connection to him than I can explain.
But one thing I can tell you for certain: the next time he texts me at 3 o'clock in the morning wanting some action, he's the one getting in the car and driving.
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