Introducing Bachelor #7
Before I actually introduce and begin to over-think and over-analyze bachelor #7, a couple of little things.
First, you may be asking, "Who was Bachelor #6?" In re-reading my blogs, I accidentally had two Bachelor #5's. So our now famous (infamous?) P was really Bachelor #6. But who's counting?
And secondly, speaking of P, what about him? Well, we've made it through our first communication misunderstanding with basically no detrimental effects. A couple nights ago, I completely misinterpreted a text I'd gotten from him. I was already in a mood, and not a good one, and I was already in a weird place emotionally and mentally about him. In misinterpreting this text -- one of the dangers of written communication is that you can't always get the inflections -- I was convinced he was passive-aggressively dumping me, for lack of a better term.
At that point, I finally went back out on Match after saying I would for what, a week now? I updated my profile, added some new pictures. I then slept horribly for maybe 4 hours and at 4:30 in the morning rolled out of bed and wrote a long, wounded, and very poetic post about my emotional rawness at the moment. Shortly after 6:00, I finally sent P a long text that basically said I wasn't sure how to handle his comment, that I was going to give him space, I thought he was a great guy and the past few weeks had been a lot of fun but if I never heard from him again, thanks for everything -- and I meant that sincerely.
A minute later, if that, I had a reply. He was just joking in his comment that I'd taken to be something else. We texted back and forth for a few minutes, clearing the air, then I pulled up this blog and removed the dramatic "I want to cry, but I have no tears, and why am I wanting to cry over this douche?" post -- which, thankfully, no one had read.
Sometimes I really wish I wasn't such an emotional person. There have been benefits to the rollercoaster that has been my emotions over the past month -- I'm down about 12 pounds or so and I'm at my lowest weight I can ever remember as an adult. But my sleep has been seriously screwed up. As someone who has chronic major depressive disorder, sleepless nights (even with medication) are not an uncommon occurrence. Still, losing sleep over a boy? Really? Me?
However, whenever one updates their profile on Match, especially if they haven't been on the site on a daily (or more frequent) basis, the site goes, "Aha! They are active again! Let us send out their profile to potential matches!" And the chances go up that I get a wink or an email from a newly interested gentleman.
Which brings us to Bachelor #7. Once again, he is someone who hasn't shown up in my matches because there is a major element that is outside my search criteria: his age. (P was the same way.) #7, who we'll call K, is 31. I've never dated younger, and although I have been one to always say that age is just a number, blah blah blah, I have to admit I find men my age or older than me to be more attractive. I'm sure Freud and other psychologists would point to me being an only child who spent the vast majority of my early childhood development surrounded by adults and not kids of my own age as a major factor in this. I was reading at the second or third grade level by the time I was 4. I was precocious and mature for my years.
Aside from making me like older men, it also can make me annoying as hell. I know that. Ha ha!
K is a 31 year old entrepreneur. He chose to directly email me, rather than go through the wink stage, which in some ways I am glad he did, because if he'd just winked I probably wouldn't have responded. His email was articulate (we know how I am about grammar and spelling!) and was such a welcome change from what I usually get. See, he wrote why he liked my profile, shared some stuff about him, and even gave me his name. It wasn't a usual Match "Hey there, how are you?" or the even more classy, "You're cute/hot. How's it goin?"
So one strong point for him.
The email also went pretty much straight to the "let's go on a date" stage.
Whoa. Slow down there, big boy.
I like men who take initiative. I find that very attractive. But as I've learned about myself, there's a difference for me between initiative and being overly dominating. Remember C? Mister "I'm going to tour three mini golf courses before deciding which one is best for our date?" Remember how pushy I felt he was? Yep. I don't want to go there again.
So I replied to K, thanking him for not being the usual email, answering his questions, laying out a few of my own. And, I said we'll see about coffee after I get to know you some more. That was last night, around 9:30, 10:00 or so. I had a reply in my inbox when I woke up this morning. I've read it -- for those who don't know, Match forwards on the emails you exchange through their site to your selected email address as opposed to just giving you a notification of an email -- so I've read it but I haven't gone back out onto Match to reply just yet.
Because, see, I'm a little shallow sometimes. (I can hear the collective sarcastic gasps from you all already.) K has a good profile and is, so far, an excellent communicator. He only has one picture up, though, and I'm neither attracted to nor turned off by it. But yes, that is how I felt about P's pictures at first, too.
There's also zany emotional me, struggling with the concept of dating multiple people at the same time, too. While I've certainly communicated with more than one guy at a time on Match, this is the first time I've been in the position where more than one guy wants to spend time with me in person. In my mind, emails are one thing, but in person... that's something else. And maybe I'm just weird like that. I'm not inexperienced, but I'm not as experienced as many women my age. Or maybe I've just been brought up with a little too much of the "good girl" mentality, where women who date multiple guys at the same time are considered sluts. Every time I go back out on Match, a small part of me feels like I'm "cheating" on P, even though there's no relationship.
It's funny. When I got my first tattoo, I waited and waited for the overwhelming guilt and regret I'd been raised to believe would come if I did something so horrendous. It never came. Yet I meet a guy, go on a couple "dates," and become (at least) sexting buddies, and I feel guilty talking with other potential dates even though there's no relationship to be cheating on.
Maybe the more I say it, the more I'll believe it. Politicians seem to think that. Come to think of it, they also court more than one person/interest group at a time. Oh no, don't tell me I'm turning into a politician. Courting multiple people, convincing myself (and others) of stuff, going to almost desperate tactics to get what I want... and let's not forget the texting of scandalous pictures...
Crap. Dating is like being a politician running for office. God help us all.
First, you may be asking, "Who was Bachelor #6?" In re-reading my blogs, I accidentally had two Bachelor #5's. So our now famous (infamous?) P was really Bachelor #6. But who's counting?
And secondly, speaking of P, what about him? Well, we've made it through our first communication misunderstanding with basically no detrimental effects. A couple nights ago, I completely misinterpreted a text I'd gotten from him. I was already in a mood, and not a good one, and I was already in a weird place emotionally and mentally about him. In misinterpreting this text -- one of the dangers of written communication is that you can't always get the inflections -- I was convinced he was passive-aggressively dumping me, for lack of a better term.
At that point, I finally went back out on Match after saying I would for what, a week now? I updated my profile, added some new pictures. I then slept horribly for maybe 4 hours and at 4:30 in the morning rolled out of bed and wrote a long, wounded, and very poetic post about my emotional rawness at the moment. Shortly after 6:00, I finally sent P a long text that basically said I wasn't sure how to handle his comment, that I was going to give him space, I thought he was a great guy and the past few weeks had been a lot of fun but if I never heard from him again, thanks for everything -- and I meant that sincerely.
A minute later, if that, I had a reply. He was just joking in his comment that I'd taken to be something else. We texted back and forth for a few minutes, clearing the air, then I pulled up this blog and removed the dramatic "I want to cry, but I have no tears, and why am I wanting to cry over this douche?" post -- which, thankfully, no one had read.
Sometimes I really wish I wasn't such an emotional person. There have been benefits to the rollercoaster that has been my emotions over the past month -- I'm down about 12 pounds or so and I'm at my lowest weight I can ever remember as an adult. But my sleep has been seriously screwed up. As someone who has chronic major depressive disorder, sleepless nights (even with medication) are not an uncommon occurrence. Still, losing sleep over a boy? Really? Me?
However, whenever one updates their profile on Match, especially if they haven't been on the site on a daily (or more frequent) basis, the site goes, "Aha! They are active again! Let us send out their profile to potential matches!" And the chances go up that I get a wink or an email from a newly interested gentleman.
Which brings us to Bachelor #7. Once again, he is someone who hasn't shown up in my matches because there is a major element that is outside my search criteria: his age. (P was the same way.) #7, who we'll call K, is 31. I've never dated younger, and although I have been one to always say that age is just a number, blah blah blah, I have to admit I find men my age or older than me to be more attractive. I'm sure Freud and other psychologists would point to me being an only child who spent the vast majority of my early childhood development surrounded by adults and not kids of my own age as a major factor in this. I was reading at the second or third grade level by the time I was 4. I was precocious and mature for my years.
Aside from making me like older men, it also can make me annoying as hell. I know that. Ha ha!
K is a 31 year old entrepreneur. He chose to directly email me, rather than go through the wink stage, which in some ways I am glad he did, because if he'd just winked I probably wouldn't have responded. His email was articulate (we know how I am about grammar and spelling!) and was such a welcome change from what I usually get. See, he wrote why he liked my profile, shared some stuff about him, and even gave me his name. It wasn't a usual Match "Hey there, how are you?" or the even more classy, "You're cute/hot. How's it goin?"
So one strong point for him.
The email also went pretty much straight to the "let's go on a date" stage.
Whoa. Slow down there, big boy.
I like men who take initiative. I find that very attractive. But as I've learned about myself, there's a difference for me between initiative and being overly dominating. Remember C? Mister "I'm going to tour three mini golf courses before deciding which one is best for our date?" Remember how pushy I felt he was? Yep. I don't want to go there again.
So I replied to K, thanking him for not being the usual email, answering his questions, laying out a few of my own. And, I said we'll see about coffee after I get to know you some more. That was last night, around 9:30, 10:00 or so. I had a reply in my inbox when I woke up this morning. I've read it -- for those who don't know, Match forwards on the emails you exchange through their site to your selected email address as opposed to just giving you a notification of an email -- so I've read it but I haven't gone back out onto Match to reply just yet.
Because, see, I'm a little shallow sometimes. (I can hear the collective sarcastic gasps from you all already.) K has a good profile and is, so far, an excellent communicator. He only has one picture up, though, and I'm neither attracted to nor turned off by it. But yes, that is how I felt about P's pictures at first, too.
There's also zany emotional me, struggling with the concept of dating multiple people at the same time, too. While I've certainly communicated with more than one guy at a time on Match, this is the first time I've been in the position where more than one guy wants to spend time with me in person. In my mind, emails are one thing, but in person... that's something else. And maybe I'm just weird like that. I'm not inexperienced, but I'm not as experienced as many women my age. Or maybe I've just been brought up with a little too much of the "good girl" mentality, where women who date multiple guys at the same time are considered sluts. Every time I go back out on Match, a small part of me feels like I'm "cheating" on P, even though there's no relationship.
It's funny. When I got my first tattoo, I waited and waited for the overwhelming guilt and regret I'd been raised to believe would come if I did something so horrendous. It never came. Yet I meet a guy, go on a couple "dates," and become (at least) sexting buddies, and I feel guilty talking with other potential dates even though there's no relationship to be cheating on.
Maybe the more I say it, the more I'll believe it. Politicians seem to think that. Come to think of it, they also court more than one person/interest group at a time. Oh no, don't tell me I'm turning into a politician. Courting multiple people, convincing myself (and others) of stuff, going to almost desperate tactics to get what I want... and let's not forget the texting of scandalous pictures...
Crap. Dating is like being a politician running for office. God help us all.
Comments
Post a Comment
We are all adults here. Comments are welcome, but they are also moderated because there has been a marked increase in spam, trolling, and generally snarky and nasty comments being submitted. Different opinions are welcome when expressed maturely; rude comments and links will not be published.