Through the Eyes of Children
Two days a week, I am in a classroom at a parochial (Catholic) school, teaching music to about 135 students aged Kindergarten through 8th grade. And while my subject area is indeed music, I'm also teaching concepts related to math, English, history, and life lessons -- things like how to be friends, sharing, how we behave, saying you're sorry. My classroom may be my domain, my kingdom to rule, but there are times where my students teach me. Today was one of those days.
It started with my first class, which is 7th grade. What I didn't say about my coffee date with K was that as we were placing our order, there was a tween-aged girl ahead of us paying for her ice cream. A tween-aged girl that I knew. Because she was one of my students.
Awkward.
It wasn't the first time I've run into one of my students outside of the classroom, and when it happens, I'm usually regarded as an animal on a safari. The idea that teachers shop, go to restaurants, and have social lives is something students conceptually understand, yet when reality hits they are stunned. A couple years ago, I ran into a whole family (3 of the kids were my students) at a department store, and the youngest was so shocked that he was literally speechless. I will never forget the wide-eyed look on his face, with the stick from a sucker poking out of his mouth, as he just pointed at me and hit his brother on the arm trying to get his attention.
So today as the 7th grade was redoing their poorly-executed assignments, this student who saw me on my coffee date wanted to ask me about it. But, she was too embarrassed to ask in front of everyone, although she'd already gossiped about it with several of her friends. Her best friend piped up, saying, "She says she saw you on a date with some dude."
Now in true sassy, snarky teacher form, I turned the tables on her. I said, "Yep, she saw me having coffee with a friend. And I saw her buying this huge ice cream cone, full of pink ice cream, and she was too cool or embarrassed to be seen by me..." blah blah blah. The kids got a laugh out of it, and then I was asked "was that your boyfriend?"
My answer was simply, "I was just having coffee with a friend."
Anything else would simply confuse a middle school student. And of course, there's no way I was going to say that "my boyfriend" (as in, the guy I've been sleeping with) was out of town and here I was having coffee "with a friend." At that age, if you go on a "date" with someone, then they are automatically your boyfriend or girlfriend. There is no "dating" that isn't a "relationship." When you are that age, if you try to claim you went to the movies with a boy and you are "just friends," your friends see right through it.
Have we adults made relationships too complicated?
Later in the day, I saw my Kindergartners. While sometimes my wee ones drive me to drink, in general I know they are going to pick up my spirits like nothing else. This year we have an interesting development: two Kindergartners who think they are "boyfriend and girlfriend." When this first started, I was the one who had to separate them because they were trying to kiss. You know, the little kid version of making out. I was in equal parts humored and disturbed when that happened, and then I remembered being in first grade and having a "boyfriend." Well, at least he was a boy with whom I frequently spent parts of recess kissing. Since I was precocious and skipped Kindergarten, I was basically the same age as these two kids I separated. (And now that I'm a teacher, knowing what I got away with, what on earth were my teachers doing during recess?)
But back to my Kindergartners. When I separated them a couple weeks ago, I figured it to be a fleeting thing. Wrong. I also -- correctly -- picked the girl as the aggressor. My line-up procedure at the end of class is based on two things: who is ready to line up (quiet, sitting properly, etc) and who should or should not stand next to each other in line. Keeping that second factor in mind, I intentionally called the boy well before the girl. Yet, the boy stood there waiting on the girl so he could stand next to her in line.
Hmmm.
Such a simple gesture, yet so honest. These are kids who aren't analyzing, obsessing, reading between the lines. They take life at face value and remember the simple things: be nice. Care about each other. Give hugs. Say you're sorry when you hurt someone. Be friends. Play well with each other.
Lately we've had several new students at our school. One was in Kindergarten today, and those kiddos are just now getting to the point where they want to hug me when they see me. This new student, following the lead of her classmates, gave me a big hug even though this was the first time she'd met me. If her new friends trusted this teacher, then she should as well. How honest, how simple. It really touched me.
About an hour later, I saw what could be my favorite class: the 1st and 2nd grade combination class (shh! Don't tell them that they're my favorites!) The 2nd graders I have known since Kindergarten. This class is my hugging class. I know every time I see them, I'm going to get assaulted with hugs, and who can resist the innocent adoration that comes from a 6 or 7 year old child hugging you? I honestly look forward to those hugs, and some of them compete with each other to be the only one hugging me at a time. And, sometimes there are gang hugs -- 4, 5, or more of them hugging me all at once.
One of the 2nd graders is this adorable, pudgy Latino boy who was born and been raised from day one with a very healthy dose of machismo about him. Ever since Kindergarten, he's had a crush on me. Last year, he was distracted for a bit by some girls his own age, but he's always called me "his woman." It's hilarious. Today he kept trying to "protect" me from all the crazy kids who wanted to hug me and get in my space during a game we were playing. So I asked him if he was going to challenge my boyfriend to be the man in my life.
<slight Mexican accent> "You got a boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Tell him to BRING IT ON!!"
No matter what P's actual role or title in my life, I don't think he's going to feel very threatened by a 7 year old boy. Still, there's no denying how freaking cute that 2nd grader is when he tries to be all macho around me, and how he'll go to great lengths to make sure when he's hugging me, NO ONE ELSE IS. He's also one of the worst offenders at being the right height to accidentally grab my butt when he hugs me, something P finds hilarious (although he also theorizes that those boys know exactly what they are doing... which doesn't explain the girls that do that).
Still, as I reflect upon the innocent trust these kids have in me, their adoration and love, I wonder at what point we became so jaded and cynical as adults. Was it the first time we had our hearts broken, when we learned that not everyone is as careful with emotions as we are? Or did we become this way as a defense mechanism, analyzing and obsessing and such so we could have some sort of warning before our hearts were shattered?
Regardless of the answer, and regardless of what happens with P or any other guy I date, I know one thing. I have a group of students at school who will always give me a hug. And there are few things better than a little kid hug to make your day.
It started with my first class, which is 7th grade. What I didn't say about my coffee date with K was that as we were placing our order, there was a tween-aged girl ahead of us paying for her ice cream. A tween-aged girl that I knew. Because she was one of my students.
Awkward.
It wasn't the first time I've run into one of my students outside of the classroom, and when it happens, I'm usually regarded as an animal on a safari. The idea that teachers shop, go to restaurants, and have social lives is something students conceptually understand, yet when reality hits they are stunned. A couple years ago, I ran into a whole family (3 of the kids were my students) at a department store, and the youngest was so shocked that he was literally speechless. I will never forget the wide-eyed look on his face, with the stick from a sucker poking out of his mouth, as he just pointed at me and hit his brother on the arm trying to get his attention.
So today as the 7th grade was redoing their poorly-executed assignments, this student who saw me on my coffee date wanted to ask me about it. But, she was too embarrassed to ask in front of everyone, although she'd already gossiped about it with several of her friends. Her best friend piped up, saying, "She says she saw you on a date with some dude."
Now in true sassy, snarky teacher form, I turned the tables on her. I said, "Yep, she saw me having coffee with a friend. And I saw her buying this huge ice cream cone, full of pink ice cream, and she was too cool or embarrassed to be seen by me..." blah blah blah. The kids got a laugh out of it, and then I was asked "was that your boyfriend?"
My answer was simply, "I was just having coffee with a friend."
Anything else would simply confuse a middle school student. And of course, there's no way I was going to say that "my boyfriend" (as in, the guy I've been sleeping with) was out of town and here I was having coffee "with a friend." At that age, if you go on a "date" with someone, then they are automatically your boyfriend or girlfriend. There is no "dating" that isn't a "relationship." When you are that age, if you try to claim you went to the movies with a boy and you are "just friends," your friends see right through it.
Have we adults made relationships too complicated?
Later in the day, I saw my Kindergartners. While sometimes my wee ones drive me to drink, in general I know they are going to pick up my spirits like nothing else. This year we have an interesting development: two Kindergartners who think they are "boyfriend and girlfriend." When this first started, I was the one who had to separate them because they were trying to kiss. You know, the little kid version of making out. I was in equal parts humored and disturbed when that happened, and then I remembered being in first grade and having a "boyfriend." Well, at least he was a boy with whom I frequently spent parts of recess kissing. Since I was precocious and skipped Kindergarten, I was basically the same age as these two kids I separated. (And now that I'm a teacher, knowing what I got away with, what on earth were my teachers doing during recess?)
But back to my Kindergartners. When I separated them a couple weeks ago, I figured it to be a fleeting thing. Wrong. I also -- correctly -- picked the girl as the aggressor. My line-up procedure at the end of class is based on two things: who is ready to line up (quiet, sitting properly, etc) and who should or should not stand next to each other in line. Keeping that second factor in mind, I intentionally called the boy well before the girl. Yet, the boy stood there waiting on the girl so he could stand next to her in line.
Hmmm.
Such a simple gesture, yet so honest. These are kids who aren't analyzing, obsessing, reading between the lines. They take life at face value and remember the simple things: be nice. Care about each other. Give hugs. Say you're sorry when you hurt someone. Be friends. Play well with each other.
Lately we've had several new students at our school. One was in Kindergarten today, and those kiddos are just now getting to the point where they want to hug me when they see me. This new student, following the lead of her classmates, gave me a big hug even though this was the first time she'd met me. If her new friends trusted this teacher, then she should as well. How honest, how simple. It really touched me.
About an hour later, I saw what could be my favorite class: the 1st and 2nd grade combination class (shh! Don't tell them that they're my favorites!) The 2nd graders I have known since Kindergarten. This class is my hugging class. I know every time I see them, I'm going to get assaulted with hugs, and who can resist the innocent adoration that comes from a 6 or 7 year old child hugging you? I honestly look forward to those hugs, and some of them compete with each other to be the only one hugging me at a time. And, sometimes there are gang hugs -- 4, 5, or more of them hugging me all at once.
One of the 2nd graders is this adorable, pudgy Latino boy who was born and been raised from day one with a very healthy dose of machismo about him. Ever since Kindergarten, he's had a crush on me. Last year, he was distracted for a bit by some girls his own age, but he's always called me "his woman." It's hilarious. Today he kept trying to "protect" me from all the crazy kids who wanted to hug me and get in my space during a game we were playing. So I asked him if he was going to challenge my boyfriend to be the man in my life.
<slight Mexican accent> "You got a boyfriend?"
"Yeah."
"Tell him to BRING IT ON!!"
No matter what P's actual role or title in my life, I don't think he's going to feel very threatened by a 7 year old boy. Still, there's no denying how freaking cute that 2nd grader is when he tries to be all macho around me, and how he'll go to great lengths to make sure when he's hugging me, NO ONE ELSE IS. He's also one of the worst offenders at being the right height to accidentally grab my butt when he hugs me, something P finds hilarious (although he also theorizes that those boys know exactly what they are doing... which doesn't explain the girls that do that).
Still, as I reflect upon the innocent trust these kids have in me, their adoration and love, I wonder at what point we became so jaded and cynical as adults. Was it the first time we had our hearts broken, when we learned that not everyone is as careful with emotions as we are? Or did we become this way as a defense mechanism, analyzing and obsessing and such so we could have some sort of warning before our hearts were shattered?
Regardless of the answer, and regardless of what happens with P or any other guy I date, I know one thing. I have a group of students at school who will always give me a hug. And there are few things better than a little kid hug to make your day.
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