"Awesomeness Incarnate"?
That's what #8, K, called me via text message today.
It has been an interesting day in my world of dating so far, that's for sure. Don't get too excited; I'm still in my flannel pj pants and oversized t, sans bra and makeup, and I plan on staying in this fetching get up until I go to bed. I seriously doubt my plans will change at all, and that's okay. Really, truly.
I've come to a certain acceptance about #11, D, who I still haven't heard from. Yesterday I read an article on Match that actually addressed that issue. Written by a freelance author whose work has shown up in most of the major magazines, it had some great reminders about dating in general. The author, based on her picture and brief magazine resume, is a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman. And, based on her article, she's had essentially the exact same issues I've had.
She told the story of "meeting" a guy on an online dating site, exchanging emails, then phone numbers, and having a really fantastic hour-plus-long phone conversation. Then she never heard from him again. Ever. She was at first confused, hurt, and bewildered. She then had to remind herself that, just as we are being bombarded with dozens of profiles every day, so are the guys, and just as we are weeding through the great and the mediocre, so are they. And frankly, there's some pretty stiff competition out there.
So D may have made the first moves and then disappeared. He may have found someone even more intriguing. Such is life, and apparently even a brief whatever wasn't meant to be. Who knows, I may hear from him again at some point in the future. If and when the time is ever right, it will happen.
Today has been plenty busy with the two most active contenders, though. #8, K, and #12, J. Sometime after midnight, I got a long email from J. Long. Very long. I noted the text message notification and went back to sleep. I read the email this morning, and worked on a reply in my head for a while. He made two salient points in his email: first, our communication had both of us being a bit distant, and secondly, he wasn't sure when he read my profile if we were really a match but he took that chance and he'd understand if I was simply humoring him, being nice, by replying.
His email did hit a slightly guilty spot, because he was pretty much correct in both points. I hadn't been very open in my replies, in spite of their length, nor had I really been asking about him. And I, too, wondered if we were really a match but I did enjoy, within reason, chatting with him.
I wrote a very long reply. I said that I wasn't good at letting down my guard because of years of a public persona between being a performing musician and working in ministry has taught me how to be friendly without jeopardizing the barriers that protect my private life. Unfortunately, I'm not good at letting folks into my private life when I need to. I seconded his comments that I wasn't sure we were a match, but that for me intelligence, communication, personality was more important than appearances and I really did want to continue our conversations. I then shared a bunch of random factoids about myself and my family, trying to open myself up.
Do I find him attractive? I don't know. I'm keeping in mind what friends have said about their partners, how at first they had doubts but they were glad they gave their significant other a second or third chance. Even when it came to P I was all twitterpated over his emails, but the pictures I felt kind of ambivalent about. That changed when I actually met him. I hit send, and the email disappeared into cyberspace.
Literally.
The draft was gone, the email hadn't been sent.
This is the second time this has happened with an email to J. The first time happened yesterday (or was it Wednesday?) when I tried to send from my phone. I blamed that on a phone app glitch.
So I recreated the email. Practice had made me faster and I really think the second email was better than the original anyway. That one went through just fine. We shall see what his reply is like.
After that "dating" drama, I decided in the midst of my domestic nesting in the kitchen to reply to K's text message. I started by teasingly calling him "Mr. Flaky," based on his message from the day before where he used that same term to describe his behavior. I then said I hoped he was having a good Friday, I had the day off and was cooking up a storm, hoped to hear from him at some point.
Inane, generic blather.
Lo and behold, I got a reply! He said me calling him the well-deserved "Mr. Flaky" was ok, but he was not okay with just anyone calling him that! He asked about my cooking, did I do any baking, and even said he had a couple roasts in the freezer he wanted to give me.
Let us pause for a moment. Do I bake? Is the Pope Catholic? Okay, my snarkiness is showing again; not every woman who cooks can or does bake, and not every woman who bakes can cook. But the roasts line... *cocks eyebrow*
I replied, winning the award for the longest text message to-date. I listed out what I'd made so far and what was up in the docket. I said that I did bake -- biscuits were up next -- but that I had a sweet tooth the size of Montana so I didn't bake too often lest my butt also become the size of Montana. I then asked how his day was going.
That's when he replied calling me "awesomeness incarnate." He told me about his day, how it was a nice change to the mundane from a busy week, and he hoped I was enjoying my domestic adventures. I responded that I hoped being "awesomeness incarnate" wasn't setting up unrealistic expectations that I really couldn't live up to, but it still made me smile. Blah blah blah, more basic chit chat, end of conversation for the time being, since I'm sure at 3:30 in the afternoon he's probably still at work.
So where am I, really, at this point when it comes to my emotions, my heart, and my brain? I've listed out a couple of my initial reservations about J before: the shyness, which sometimes seems to manifest itself in passivity, and the teenage kids. I haven't really mentioned my reservations about K, yet, so here we go. There are two.
First comes the spirituality thing. He lists himself as "spiritual but not religious" and states he grew up in a strict Mennonite home and while retaining some of those values, some of his best friends are agnostic. I can understand the shedding of the religious mantle; I grew up under the thumb, so to say, of a conservative Baptist minister father. When I was in my very early 30s and had moved to KC, I made a very conscious decision to not attend church. I had worked for a church pretty much non-stop since I was about 12, and was teaching for a "Christian" college. I was burned out, and I took a break. A 5 year long break. But I'm now back, active in church work again, and with a renewed faith. Being with someone who is in a different place spiritually... I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. Then again, our infamous P listed himself as "Christian/Other" and I can tell you there was pretty much no display of Christianity from him, ever.
Secondly is that K is someone who "smokes occasionally." I'm a professional singer. I kind of need my lungs, you know? I don't know how to interpret "occasionally." Maybe he's like I have been in the past, when out having a good time at a bar or party, feeling like participating in some debauchery, I'll light up a cigarette or two. Maybe "occasionally" means one or two cigarettes a day. (Note: being a cigar smoker is a different option on Match.)
These are both questions to ask, I suppose, should we get to any level of seriousness. But I'm not going to put the cart before the horse. Let's see if we ever talk, if we ever meet, and where things go from there.
Until then, I think I might have a wee bit more room in the fridge... what else can I whip up in the kitchen?
It has been an interesting day in my world of dating so far, that's for sure. Don't get too excited; I'm still in my flannel pj pants and oversized t, sans bra and makeup, and I plan on staying in this fetching get up until I go to bed. I seriously doubt my plans will change at all, and that's okay. Really, truly.
I've come to a certain acceptance about #11, D, who I still haven't heard from. Yesterday I read an article on Match that actually addressed that issue. Written by a freelance author whose work has shown up in most of the major magazines, it had some great reminders about dating in general. The author, based on her picture and brief magazine resume, is a beautiful, intelligent, and successful woman. And, based on her article, she's had essentially the exact same issues I've had.
She told the story of "meeting" a guy on an online dating site, exchanging emails, then phone numbers, and having a really fantastic hour-plus-long phone conversation. Then she never heard from him again. Ever. She was at first confused, hurt, and bewildered. She then had to remind herself that, just as we are being bombarded with dozens of profiles every day, so are the guys, and just as we are weeding through the great and the mediocre, so are they. And frankly, there's some pretty stiff competition out there.
So D may have made the first moves and then disappeared. He may have found someone even more intriguing. Such is life, and apparently even a brief whatever wasn't meant to be. Who knows, I may hear from him again at some point in the future. If and when the time is ever right, it will happen.
Today has been plenty busy with the two most active contenders, though. #8, K, and #12, J. Sometime after midnight, I got a long email from J. Long. Very long. I noted the text message notification and went back to sleep. I read the email this morning, and worked on a reply in my head for a while. He made two salient points in his email: first, our communication had both of us being a bit distant, and secondly, he wasn't sure when he read my profile if we were really a match but he took that chance and he'd understand if I was simply humoring him, being nice, by replying.
His email did hit a slightly guilty spot, because he was pretty much correct in both points. I hadn't been very open in my replies, in spite of their length, nor had I really been asking about him. And I, too, wondered if we were really a match but I did enjoy, within reason, chatting with him.
I wrote a very long reply. I said that I wasn't good at letting down my guard because of years of a public persona between being a performing musician and working in ministry has taught me how to be friendly without jeopardizing the barriers that protect my private life. Unfortunately, I'm not good at letting folks into my private life when I need to. I seconded his comments that I wasn't sure we were a match, but that for me intelligence, communication, personality was more important than appearances and I really did want to continue our conversations. I then shared a bunch of random factoids about myself and my family, trying to open myself up.
Do I find him attractive? I don't know. I'm keeping in mind what friends have said about their partners, how at first they had doubts but they were glad they gave their significant other a second or third chance. Even when it came to P I was all twitterpated over his emails, but the pictures I felt kind of ambivalent about. That changed when I actually met him. I hit send, and the email disappeared into cyberspace.
Literally.
The draft was gone, the email hadn't been sent.
This is the second time this has happened with an email to J. The first time happened yesterday (or was it Wednesday?) when I tried to send from my phone. I blamed that on a phone app glitch.
So I recreated the email. Practice had made me faster and I really think the second email was better than the original anyway. That one went through just fine. We shall see what his reply is like.
After that "dating" drama, I decided in the midst of my domestic nesting in the kitchen to reply to K's text message. I started by teasingly calling him "Mr. Flaky," based on his message from the day before where he used that same term to describe his behavior. I then said I hoped he was having a good Friday, I had the day off and was cooking up a storm, hoped to hear from him at some point.
Inane, generic blather.
Lo and behold, I got a reply! He said me calling him the well-deserved "Mr. Flaky" was ok, but he was not okay with just anyone calling him that! He asked about my cooking, did I do any baking, and even said he had a couple roasts in the freezer he wanted to give me.
Let us pause for a moment. Do I bake? Is the Pope Catholic? Okay, my snarkiness is showing again; not every woman who cooks can or does bake, and not every woman who bakes can cook. But the roasts line... *cocks eyebrow*
I replied, winning the award for the longest text message to-date. I listed out what I'd made so far and what was up in the docket. I said that I did bake -- biscuits were up next -- but that I had a sweet tooth the size of Montana so I didn't bake too often lest my butt also become the size of Montana. I then asked how his day was going.
That's when he replied calling me "awesomeness incarnate." He told me about his day, how it was a nice change to the mundane from a busy week, and he hoped I was enjoying my domestic adventures. I responded that I hoped being "awesomeness incarnate" wasn't setting up unrealistic expectations that I really couldn't live up to, but it still made me smile. Blah blah blah, more basic chit chat, end of conversation for the time being, since I'm sure at 3:30 in the afternoon he's probably still at work.
So where am I, really, at this point when it comes to my emotions, my heart, and my brain? I've listed out a couple of my initial reservations about J before: the shyness, which sometimes seems to manifest itself in passivity, and the teenage kids. I haven't really mentioned my reservations about K, yet, so here we go. There are two.
First comes the spirituality thing. He lists himself as "spiritual but not religious" and states he grew up in a strict Mennonite home and while retaining some of those values, some of his best friends are agnostic. I can understand the shedding of the religious mantle; I grew up under the thumb, so to say, of a conservative Baptist minister father. When I was in my very early 30s and had moved to KC, I made a very conscious decision to not attend church. I had worked for a church pretty much non-stop since I was about 12, and was teaching for a "Christian" college. I was burned out, and I took a break. A 5 year long break. But I'm now back, active in church work again, and with a renewed faith. Being with someone who is in a different place spiritually... I'm not sure how I'd feel about that. Then again, our infamous P listed himself as "Christian/Other" and I can tell you there was pretty much no display of Christianity from him, ever.
Secondly is that K is someone who "smokes occasionally." I'm a professional singer. I kind of need my lungs, you know? I don't know how to interpret "occasionally." Maybe he's like I have been in the past, when out having a good time at a bar or party, feeling like participating in some debauchery, I'll light up a cigarette or two. Maybe "occasionally" means one or two cigarettes a day. (Note: being a cigar smoker is a different option on Match.)
These are both questions to ask, I suppose, should we get to any level of seriousness. But I'm not going to put the cart before the horse. Let's see if we ever talk, if we ever meet, and where things go from there.
Until then, I think I might have a wee bit more room in the fridge... what else can I whip up in the kitchen?
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