The Art of Rejection

I have many faults.  This, I know.  I dislike confrontation and hurting people, even if only in a little way.  I also dislike unanswered things, things hanging over my head.

Hence, the new (to me) art of rejecting interested bachelors.

In the past few days, I've received some new winks and a couple of emails.  First, a quick update on #8, K. He's been out of town -- out of state, actually -- volunteering.  He said on Friday he might call me, but he didn't.  I texted him yesterday afternoon, and didn't hear back, not that I'm surprised.  Although he implored me via email earlier to "not give up on him," I'm not going to stress over this one.

Some of the new winks will continue to go unanswered.  Frankly, I need to update my profile and add a line similar to many other folks, something about winks are nice but if you actually want a response, email me.  See, I do reply to every initial email in some way.  When I was still seeing P, I would use Match's pre-written "no thank you" emails because there is one that says, in essence, "I just met someone and want to see where this will go."

Obviously, I'm not using that one any more, because I'm a silly rabbit and actually try to be honest.  Even on the internet.

One email I received this weekend complimented me on a "perfect profile" and immediately asked me out for coffee, dinner, or drinks to "see if we click."  After viewing his profile, let us list the reasons I waited a couple of days and finally got around to saying "no thank you."

1. Starting with the profile: no picture.  He claimed in his email it is because of work, but he can email pics.  He works for the Federal Government.  What branch of the Feds will allow you to email pics but not post them on a dating website?  If you're accessing it from work, I can understand not having access to them, but do you not have a computer at home?  Sketchy.

2. Again with the profile: he's "currently separated."  Yeah.  I steer clear of men in that situation.  I don't need current divorce drama (and in this case there are kids involved), the possibility of reconciliation with the wife, any of that stuff.  And who is to say that "currently separated" isn't a cover for "open marriage" or even less honest, someone just looking to screw around on their wife?

3. His age is well outside my search parameters.  He's actually not that much older than P, but when you add up everything else... well, it's another brick in the wall.

4. An initial email that cuts straight to the chase about going on a date without asking any questions about me just doesn't sit well with me.  No "let's get to know each other a little bit" safety cushion.  I know the age difference could lead to enough of a generational difference wherein he prefers the face-to-face conversation, but this is 2012 and we're on a dating website which encourages e-communication first.

So, this interested bachelor got a "no thanks" email that I actually stressed about.  Okay, for about 2 minutes, but still, I did put some thought into it.  I'm just not into blunt rejections; I suppose I'm much too nice for that.    In my reply, I basically said it was flattering that he was interested, but unfortunately I couldn't honestly say the same, and I wished him the best in his search.

Now, my friend Irony.  As I was writing the earlier stuff, I got a text message from Match alerting me to a new email.  It was from someone I had heard from before, and after an initial reply had not responded because, according to Match, his current city was a suburb of Raleigh/Durham, NC.

Curious, I pulled up the email.  It was basically the same as the very first one he sent me.  I figured it a fluke with Match; that's happened before where I've been sent the same email more than once a day or two apart.  As I was closing that page on my phone's web browser, however, I noticed a change.  His current city is now a suburb of KC.  So, another "no thank you" email will have to be drafted here shortly.

In between these two award-winning bachelors, an email that I did respond to in a favorable way.  He started with a wink, to which I did not respond, but he emailed me only a few hours later.  He is someone who showed up in my matches some time ago, and I think I ranked him a "maybe."  He's reasonably attractive and articulate, based on his profile.  (The email, not quite so much, but I'm a grammar nazi!)  My hangup?  

He's 5'4".

Part of me has found short men oddly attractive.  A larger part of me likes my men to be taller than me, especially when I'm wearing some of my famous sky-high heels.  4" and 5" heels are not uncommon for me.  Now this man lists in his search criteria women up to several inches taller than him, so he must be comfortable with that.  I have no idea how I feel about it, other than having shared a stage with singers my height or shorter than me and finding intimate scenes awkward.  Honestly, when you are all of 5'3" like I am, guys who are shorter than you are fairly rare.  In my case, they tend to be my students -- and even some of them are taller than me by the time they reach 6th grade. 

Who knows what will happen.  I'd say that there are a lot of frogs to sort through, but sometimes you have to do additional inspection to ensure they are even a frog.  Such is dating these days!

(P.S. I suffered through a 2+ staff meeting at one of the gyms I work at today, and the director doing most of the talking tried to use online dating as a metaphor for what we show versus what goes on behind the scenes.  While a very valid thought, ultimately it didn't quite hit the mark because, as she admitted, she's never actually been on a dating website.  Still, I found the connection humorous.)